Five Techniques for Getting Rid of Your Envy
Is there anything we can do to disarm the green-eyed monster if and when it attacks?
The world is full of reminders of what we don't have. Every one of us can always find someone better than we are in terms of achievement, talent, attractiveness, or progress toward reaching milestones.
We come into contact with these individuals on a daily basis; in fact, they are frequently our friends, family members, and coworkers. These experiences can sometimes leave us with a bitter taste in our lips and a green glow in our eyes as a result of them.
Envy is defined as a feeling of seeking something that someone else already has. It's a terrible emotion that can cause people to lose their self-esteem, motivate them to try to undermine the triumphs of others, or even cause them to strike out violently. There's also the unpleasant sensation.
In the event that the green-eyed monster attacks, what can we do to neutralize the situation? Here are five options to consider.
1. Recognize and accept enmity
It can be extremely dangerous to admit that we are experiencing feelings of envy, because it implies that we are accepting our own inadequacy and insecurity.
The first sign that we are being envious may be illogical feelings of animosity against the person or thing that we are envious of. Despite the fact that they have committed no offenses that you can identify, the very sight of them may make your skin crawl.
We would be better off unraveling this sort of vague resentment and finding its green-colored root before it has the opportunity to get the better of us and cause damage to our interpersonal relationships. In addition, paying attention to body cues may be beneficial, as certain forms of jealousy can cause a "fight-or-flight" physiological response, characterized by symptoms such as elevated heart rate, tensed muscles, and sweaty palms.
2. Recognize that pride is simply the other side of the same coin as envy.
It is tempting, but often unproductive, to try to overcome envy with a sense of accomplishment. You're not going to get very far by saying things like "Sure, he has a lovely automobile, but I'm better looking." In the short term, you may feel vindicated, but sooner or later, someone will come along who has a nicer car than you and is more attractive than you.
That is, reassurance about our own enviable characteristics is unlikely to be long-lasting, and it contributes to the continuation of the same unstable social comparison hierarchy in which someone else must be put down in order for us to feel lifted up, and vice versa, as previously stated.
Instead of responding to the pain of jealousy with efforts to increase your self-esteem, consider responding with self-compassion instead of self-esteem. Recognize that it's difficult to watch someone succeed when you're struggling yourself, and remind yourself that you are most certainly not alone in your emotions of inadequacy and failure. Even the most successful people experience bouts of self-doubt from time to time. Being human is connected with having flaws and failings.
3. Compassion should take the place of envy.
Despite the fact that envy appears to be nearly a complement, it may be extremely dehumanizing. As a result, it limits the object of jealousy to a very specific situation and obscures the true nature of who they are and what their life is like.
Is it possible to be envious of someone who appears to have the perfect life, only to discover later that they are in fact suffering in a significant way? These types of situations occur more frequently than we might imagine; we simply don't have the time to learn about someone's hardships when we're consumed with jealousy for their seemingly idyllic existence. Of note, new research has discovered that social media does not assist the situation.
Instead of seeking out other people's pain or looking for flaws in their armor, we should be open to seeing them in a more complete light, one that will undoubtedly contain both their strengths and their shortcomings, as well as their pleasures and sorrows. This will allow us to notice things that we might otherwise have missed, and as a result, we will be able to be there for them when they need us the most.
Appreciating a person in their entirety can also assist us in feeling truly glad for their accomplishments, a type of positive support known as "capitalization" that has been demonstrated to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships.
4. Allow envy to serve as a motivator for self-improvement when it is suitable.
The use of envy to encourage self-improvement when our envy is rooted in something we cannot alter about ourselves, such as a bad childhood, a traumatic incident, or certain health issues and impairments, is more likely to cause us to sink further into frustration and self-blame.
But, on sometimes, jealousy serves as a wake-up call, alerting us to things we desire in life that are potentially within our reach if we are prepared to make certain changes.
Consider the following scenario: If you are jealous of your busy coworker, you may discover that you might be more productive yourself if you learned to better manage your time. You might even be able to pick up a few helpful hints from him or her; upward social comparison can be a great source of inspiration as well as valuable knowledge.
5. Take time to reflect on your own blessings as well.
Envy, as the expression goes, is the act of counting the blessings of another person instead of your own.
As in the excellent car/good looks scenario above, counting our blessings is not the same as bolstering our ego by telling ourselves how we're better than others. It is more about refocusing on what is truly important in life, as well as on the sometimes intangible or invisible things we do possess—and which are less dependent on social comparisons, such as a strong spirit, a diverse range of life experiences, or simply the fact of being alive—rather than on what is less important.
The bottom line is that envy robs us of our enjoyment and depletes our energy reserves. It is appreciation that brings to light richness in locations where we may otherwise have overlooked it.