Trust is earned, established, maintained, and sometimes lost. When the latter has happened, we can most certainly move forward by patching up the wound, but there will always be a scar. Think of it as a broken plate. You can take it to be fixed and after it’s patched, it will look good-as-new on the outside, but if it is dropped again, it will undoubtedly break in the exact same place as before.
In the context of a relationship, if your mate claimed to be working late every night for months, only to find out he/she was out cheating, the trust between you would be broken. Let’s say, over time, you were able to work on your relationship and patch that wound. Then, after a while, your mate starts coming home later and later, just like before, with the same excuse of working late. Your remembrance will take you back to that prior time, that period of infidelity, and that old hurt will become new again.
That reoccurring pang is distrust and that’s okay. Maybe your partner hasn’t broken your trust in other areas. Maybe you trust him explicitly to call or text often, to pay the bills on time, and to take good care of you and the children. But maybe the trust is broken in another area, like fidelity. Here’s what I want you to know: it’s okay to not trust someone who broke your trust! It’s not your fault or your responsibility and the person you should trust the most at this point is you!
Trust yourself to do the right thing for you. Trust that just because a section of your relationship is clouded by distrust, doesn’t necessarily mean there is nothing left to be salvaged. It doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything to be salvaged, either. Whether to rebuild or walk away is a personal choice and no one can make that decision for you. But ask yourself:
Was this a natural hurt or did this person go out of their way to hurt you?
Can you forgive this person?
If not, it’s time to go.
If so, it may still be time to go, but if you decide to stay…
Are you comfortable with knowing your heart will always remember where it has been broken?
Can you and your partner retain a healthy relationship when certain trusts have been broken?
Some things are small. Not being able to trust someone to make dinner without burning down the kitchen is the kind of distrust you can probably live with. Not being able to trust someone to be faithful and not bring home an STD is usually a little harder to swallow. It’s your job to now decide, on a scale from burning dinner to STDs, how bad is the distrust in your relationship?
Great article