That Damn Drunk Shark and A Dangerous Island
The conflict between the Danish and Canadian armies for control over Hans Island is incredibly dangerous. The UN should step in without further delay.
Imagine the next, very possible scenario: A Canadian soldier is one of those that drink whatever the Danish left there, but because he enjoys it so much he drinks too much. So he falls overboard and drown. A shark that swore loyalty to Russia eats him. The shark gets a tummy ache and sends an SOS to Mother Russia, since all sharks have a radar in their noses and can do that. Putin, heavily upset, sends a submarine to go rescue the drunk shark, and the sub has to enter US waters because the shark had decided to go pick a bar fight in Florida. Biden immediately understands from this turn of events that the Ukraine show was just a decoy, so Biden readies all US nukes.
Meanwhile, the sailor from the Canadian ship that fell overboard was their navigator, and nobody else on board understands how to deal with the stars and shit. So the Snow Mexicans go way off course, sail totally past the US overnight, and ends up in Mexican waters. The Mex are alarmed and feel the Snow Mex are after their drugs. Thus, Mexico declares war against Canada, and Biden declares war on Russia while having to keep his neighbors in check at the same time.
But Biden being a bit sleepy gives the wrong orders, and the first US missile hits a sheep in Ireland. Ireland, that secretly signed a military treaty with China just the day before with some sly plan to obtain independence from Great Britain, calls the Chinks to stop blowing the ink dry on the treaty and act instead. Naturally the Chinese feels compelled to honor their agreement with Ireland, and so they send all their ships to go teach America a thing or two. The island of Taiwan, that had a treaty of solidarity with the penguins of the original island in question, sees its chance. In a blitzkrieg it invades China, totally subjecting the poor Chinese mainland overnight to the evils of democracy and free speech.
Meanwhile, the North Korean Secret Service are intercepting all chatter, and keeps the Great Leader that invented the Big Mac in the loop. He orders a secret sub they had ready close nearby Texas with a full team of veterinarians on board, to snub the drunk shark before the Russian sub can get there. While the North Koreans treat the shark with a hangover cure made from melted political defectors, they send a ransom note to Russia. Pay us five Bitcoin if you want your shark back. But the US postal services make a mistake, and the note ends up in South Africa of all places.
The South African president calls an emergency meeting because their president Ramaphosa does not know what Bitcoin is, but it sounds racist and may be a plot from the enemy Israel to halt state capture from India. Just then the Shell oil company is busy prospecting for gas next to the South African coast while screwing up all marine life and upsetting all ordinary voters. To ward off war with Israel, it is mutually decided over a platter of samosas to blame Shell for making sharks drunk with their sonic booms and causing racism. The ransom note is then doctored into a bribe offer to make the threat of a suspended exploration permit go away. A pigeon of the South African postal service gets dispatched to the oil rig with the bribe offer tied to its feet.
Shell calls on their Dutch government to step in, and because Belgium is occupied with their cheese making season and therefore pose no immediate threat to invade the Netherlands, the latter decides to go colonize South Africa again.
Okay from here on it gets a bit mixed up, but I think you get the point how dangerous the war between Denmark and Canada is.
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#humor #funny #ww3 #canada #denmark #island #shark #politics