The Day I Became a Mother

It was nine (9) years ago when my life changed drastically.

Way back year 2008, I was a high school student that time when I met the father of my son. We are classmates from third year high until fourth. We became close and unexpectedly we fell in love to each other. I was so young and innocent back then. He was my first boyfriend and my "first" in everything I experienced in a relationship.

Year 2010, I was a fresh men junior college when I got unexpectedly pregnant. I was 17 years old that time (turning 18 actually when I give birth). Since I was young that time, I decided to abort the baby, no WE decided to abort the baby. But every time we try to do it, it fails. Everyday I woke up early to jog and jump but nothing happen. I tried also to drink hard alcoholic drinks with an abortion pills mix in it but still it fails because I threw it all up. There was also one time I accidentally slip due to our floor is wet but still nothing happen. My boyfriend that time decided to stop every thing because he also worried that it might affect the baby inside the womb if we still try to abort the baby and it fails to get it out.

My family did not know that I was no longer going to school. Instead of going to school, I straightly went to my boyfriend's house. Every time they give me tuition fee, I spend that in nonsense things. Clothes, foods and gadgets. My life that time was not heading straight. I cannot accept that time that I got pregnant at early age (idiot right? haha). I keep my pregnancy for almost six (6 months). No prenatal check up, no vitamins, no healthy foods and no one knows I am pregnant that time. But one day, my grandmother told my father what she was notice about me. She notice already the way I act, the changes in my belly and to my back. My father got so mad at me. He told me to pack all my things, leave our house and go to my boyfriend's house. He said that he will no longer accept me.

I cried packing my things. My grandmother also cried. I went to my boyfriend's house. His family knows already that I am pregnant. I stayed with them for almost 2 weeks. But one day my father and my cousin went to my boyfriends house to fetch me up (By the way my boyfriend didn't show up personally and give respect to my parents from day 1 of our relationship until I got pregnant and give birth. But that is another story. haha). So I did packed my things as fast as I could. I feel relieved that I'm going back home again. I feel relieved that they finally accept me. Although I felt there still a little bit bitterness from them but still I am thankful. My mother talked to me, I was asking for forgiveness. And yes they give me another chance. Words are not enough how I was thankful that time. I cannot imagine my life right now if I choose to stay with my boyfriend that time.

Year 2011, when I give birth (without my boyfriend's presence). The first time I saw my son, the first time I heard his cry, the first time I held him in my arms and the first time I kissed him I knew my life will not be the same anymore. My grandmother guide me throughout my motherhood journey since my mother was working overseas that time. My parents decided to give me another chance to fix my life. They offer me to continue my college studies and of course I did not hesitate. I take up my degree of 4 years course BS Hotel and Restaurant Management in the year 2013. My son was the main reason I strive hard to be success. And I did also prove to my parents that they are not wrong for giving me another chance. Because of my son, I became a Deans Lister straight for 3 times. Every time I have to study my son is also in my side. My tuition fee got decreased because of being a Deans Lister. I almost became a scholar because of being active in our school that time. I was an active student back then. Also an active officer.

And finally, I graduated with a degree in year 2017. I finally learned my lesson. And I don't want to happen it again. I don't wanna go back to that misery life. Now I understand why God didn't let us to abort the baby. Because God has a plan for me. For us. God leading and guiding me straight even though I did a biggest sin. Because my son is the only way to fix my life.

And to his father? naaa. We broke up. Why? That is another long story to tell. So never mind. haha.

Now I realized,
Before when I was still a maiden, I can go wherever I want to. I mean no worries if I can't go home early.
But when I have my baby, I'm always excited to go home. No more hanging out somewhere.
Before when I was still a maiden, I can drink alcoholic drinks or whatever I want to.
But when my baby came to my life, I can only drink milk and non alcoholic drinks.
Before when I was still a maiden, I buy a lot of stuff for myself, different gadgets and skin care products.
But when my baby came, I did buy a lot of stuff for him. Clothes, milk, toys, diaper and skin care products for him and my skin care? From "Only BELO touches my skin" down to "safeguard" hahaha.

And more and more and more.. And now he is turning 9 years old this year.. I am also happily married with someone and yes another baby came (months old baby).

So if someone read this don't be like me. Always love moderately. Too much love can kill you and your future and too much trust can lead to losing yourself.

That's all. Thank you for reading! Have a good night :)