Hi fellas! I'm back again with a cup of coffee in my side :)
So you know half side story of my life. So back then, I was so confident with my career without knowing and realizing that everything here in the word is temporary.
Year 2020 came and I thought this year is a lucky year for me but everything went upside down. Pandemic COVID-19 starting hit down our lives. The company I worked for ceased the operation, no savings, lots of debts and my life became miserable. Everyday I am thinking how to pay those debts, thinking where to get money to buy important stuff for my kids especially for my months old baby, how to survive everyday from foods down to bills (water and electricity bill) and where to get money for some medication if someone got sicked. My husband's worked became once a week working schedule. For 1 month, he only worked thrice or four times only.
One time my husband and I have a fight because it seems that he is not doing anything of what is happening in our life right now. Due to the resentment I felt, I told him that this is not the life I want. Our kids and I won't be suffering like this if he has a savings already, that he must double his work and time because he is the "post of our home" and getting married with him is the most biggest mistake I did. And I know I hurt him. But God knows, I swear to God I didn't mean everything I said. I felt insecure every time I saw some of my friends in social media that they are happy and it seems their life is doing good even though there is pandemic happening. I also did an online selling, just to help my husband to survive in our daily lives but it is not enough. My parents helped us. Giving us food or sometimes money to buy some stuff for our kids. I am thankful yet I am ashamed. Almost every night I cried in our comfort room. I cursed my life. I hated my life. I talked/prayed to God, "why is it happening to me? Why did you do this to us?. I/we never hurt people. So why did you give us a suffering situation like this?"
But I thank God for lighten my mind. That time my two kids sleeping in our comfort bed, I went outside and thinking where did I go wrong? I realized that from the start I, myself is the one who creating problems. No one to be blamed but only myself. I realized everything is temporary, career and work is temporary, material things is useless, spending money to useless things will not helped us in this hard times or hard situation like this. Getting a cash loan/gadget loan for not important matter is a very very BIG MISTAKE. REGRETS. So much regret I feel right now. No time machine will brought me back from the start to correct all the mistake I did. And for my husband, I looked at him while he is busy doing some household chores, all the effort he did I take it for granted. I was thinking only for myself. Yes, I am selfish. I only saw my own effort without realizing that he also feel miserable but he didn't say anything. I know it hurts him to see us in a situation like this but he choose to keep silent. Sometimes I saw him, he is staring at nowhere and that's the time I realize I was so selfish.
Now in God's time if everything will be back to normal, we will try to rise again and to correct all the wrong doings we did in the past. I hate COVID-19 but at the same time a little thankful because if we did not encounter like this, maybe our LOANS/DEBTS still getting bigger and bigger until we are drown and who knows? Maybe much more than that right? And I am thankful to our Almighty GOD, that we still survive everyday, giving us every day blessing and no one is sick from my family is a biggest blessing.
So yeah, so much impact happen to us in this year. Hope you will not be like me. SAVINGS first before anything else. Buying some things or treating yourself is not bad but not so much. Remind your self that EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS TEMPORARY.
Thank you for reading. Have a good night :)