How do you choose your life partner

Millions of people spend a good amount of their time thinking about the question we raised in the title, and the truth is that it is a complex and intertwined question, in which spaces of personal relationships overlap.

Before starting, it is important to note that what is meant by relationships here is long-term intimate relationships between a man and a woman, and that the intended “success” is marital satisfaction and long-term happiness. It is worth noting that most of the studies presented in this report were conducted in Western contexts, with some exceptions, and because this topic is influenced by culture and society, it may be good to deal with these conclusions with some caution, and to prepare and customize them for each person to suit him. Finally, this report is neither a missionary nor a moral guide, but rather presents what research offers and what psychology professors suggest to reach a relationship characterized by positive continuity and marital satisfaction for both parties.

What you should know about the importance of choosing the right marital and emotional partner

Marriage is a cornerstone of most people's lives. Research in recent years has found that the individual’s satisfaction/happiness in intimate relationship is one of the best predictors of his psychological state in general (if we compare it with his satisfaction rates in other areas and relationships in life, such as work, friendship, family, or society in general) (1) ). If there is less satisfaction in it, there will be less satisfaction in life in general, and vice versa. Other research concluded that married people live a longer life, specifically when the levels of conflict and aggression in their relationships decrease, and the levels of satisfaction and happiness of both parties increase (1) (2). Indeed, some studies have concluded that the health status as a whole (including physical and psychological) is affected very clearly by the presence of problems and the absence of satisfaction in the marital relationship (3)(4).

Whether you are supporters of love from one look and imagine that the relationship must be born of the attractiveness and fascination directly can not be explained rationally, or those who are planning for everything minute before entering into a relationship, detail and see it as a rational maturity shared between two quiet and happiness project, you often want a sustainable relationship and happy as much as possible in the long term.

Although there is a conviction common for some people to marry whatever is better for a person than not to be married, this talk is not accurate if we know that the bad and full of relations disputes and disagreements retardation bad psychological effects and leave deep wounds in the same human, and extends to the sons and daughters (in case they are). Therefore, not all relationships either. Argue a lot of experts that the quality of family relationship is more important than the existence of the relationship itself

From here, lies the importance of the decision to choose a life partner. He is the person we spend with him most of the times of our lives (even more than the parents and children and friends), a relationship that contains the greatest possible reciprocity between the parties reliability. Because we maintain communities in print, acquires this decision more important the many consequences that may be positive or negative depending on the situation, but the interest in choosing a life partner is a human passing phenomenon of societies and cultures, and if you do not have the West "Daye or Zaki" which brings together couples with some of our existing sense, they have the "Daye" electronic sites called "Matchmakers) couples makers (", which is an area of growing in size and magnitude of the investment with its increasing human dependence on technology and methods of electronic communication (5).First, the most important of these trends is to emphasize the importance of having the ability to debate and negotiation to resolve differences and manage problems, ie -pachtsar- a healthy way and effective to deal with the differences, including a possible compromise joint and seek to understand the other through the real him to listen and see the controversy as an opportunity to deepen the relationship rather than push it towards the edge / separation. There is growing research this factor as the most important, but have some of them an in-depth analysis concluded support that the differences do not usually be the problem itself, but the strategies that deal through which the parties with these differences, and the extent of the presence of these differences and strategies is effective in dealing with them compared to in the presence of interactions and positive attitudes between the parties (6) (7). It seems that the interaction between the couple and the ways to resolve the dispute between them, which is increasingly important over time at the expense of other factors (8).

Second, many research emphasizes the importance of having a general sense of security (Security) of the parties towards each other; Because this feeling -as says Mt_khasson- is a prerequisite for the feelings of other behaviors that enhance the relationship and ratios of satisfaction in, such as disclosure of self (Self-disclosure) without shame or fear, and the perception of the existence of a permanent support from the other party even when the error and negligence, feeling Balorihah in sexual relationship intimacy (9) (10) (11), as if all this confirms the advice: "when approached rest assured, when not impressed."

Third: Other studies suggest the concept of friendship as an intermediary factor plays an important role in increasing the rates of satisfaction and happiness in Ahumaimah.vama relations found "friendship" between the two parties, the highest rates of satisfaction. This is proved -hrvia- in an analytical study used databases containing answers to hundreds of thousands of people (12), and found that married people as their "favorite friend" was attributed satisfaction to double compared with others (even when you install factors, age, gender, income physical health status and ratios satisfaction with the person before marriage). The friendship means of course there is mutual trust and spend fun time and common concerns and experiences of deep respect for the other party apart from the relationship of intimacy itself. And it enters under this section also research that found a direct relationship between the participation of experiences constantly (new specifically) (13).

With all this attention by the communities and even the "business" of human relations of intimacy, there is still a lot of relationships is successful and happy. What is the most important factors in predicting the fate of the relations and satisfaction rates in which the two parties?

Why should I choose my life partner carefully and why marital relations succeed?

The right to choose a spouse and partner means increased opportunities and the prospects for the success of the relationship and continuity and raise the quality and the amount of satisfaction and happiness verified. Although the scientific community has not yet reached an advanced stage of identifying factors and accurately, there are good studies indicate clear patterns and general trends are formed to answer this question.

Fourth, it seems that the most important foundations of intimate relationships is parity. Ie reliability to be mutual, and that there is an imbalance in the overall balance of the relationship towards the party over the other, so that one feels that it offers a lot without taking or vice versa. This is more evident after entering the relationship itself, but some indicators may appear before it. (14) (15)

Fifth: Some research has examined a number of specific personal qualities and the results appear to have been frequent on them. Among the most famous examples of this are: a sense of humor, where it seems to possess a sense of shared between the two parties Humor supports satisfaction rates of marital relationship, while trait anxiety and emotional play a negative role, particularly if the parties share the record high levels of which (16) (17) .

It is important after all this reminder that many of the studies mentioned deviate important, such as: economic status or social class factors, social or political situation and the economic environment, because they affect the -btabieh Alhal- relations. Therefore, it should be noted that the similarity of the social class and material situation plays a role in increasing the success rates of the relationship. 18