1. Who and What Think about the person you need to forgive and why you need to forgive them and enter the details below: I want to forgive ____________ for _______________. This creates a sentence about who you need to forgive and what you need to forgive them for. Examples: I want to forgive Tatiana for stealing my boyfriend. I want to forgive John for hitting me when I was a child. I want to forgive my father for not loving me enough. 2. Unhappy Feelings Write a list of any unhappy feelings you currently have about this situation, such as anger, pain, fear, envy, wanting vengeance, and so on. Right now I feel (angry, vengeful; I feel like I want to punch them on the nose, etc) ________________________________________________________ 3. Benefits: List the benefits you would get from forgiving them. How would you feel if you were clear of it? How would your attitude be better? How would your behavior be different? Examples: happier, peaceful, free, relaxed, more energetic, able to create better relationships. Preferably, state positive feelings rather than lack of negative feelings (“more peaceful” rather than “less fearful”). ________________________________________________________ 4. Forgiveness Affirmation: Now create a sentence to affirm your intention to forgive. First pick a few of the benefits from Step 3, which feel the most important to you at this moment. Then create a sentence using those benefits. I forgive _________________[name] and I accept the ___________[benefits] which forgiveness brings. Say for example you are working on forgiving someone called John and from Step 3 you picked the benefits of ‘peace’ and ‘freedom’ as being most appealing. You would write: “I forgive John and I accept the peace and freedom which forgiveness brings.” Slowly say this sentence inwardly, in your mind at least 3 times and notice if you begin to feel any different. Repeat: Now return to Step 1 and go through the Four Steps a few times for the same topic and see how your feelings change. You may find that the “want” to forgive has got stronger in Step 1, or that your feelings change or become stronger in Step 2 or Step 3. At some point you will feel better and eventually you will feel that your work on this situation is complete. As you practice forgiveness, it gets easier until it becomes automatic. Example: I commit to forgiving John and I accept the peace and freedom which forgiveness brings.
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