In her book on Children and Death, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: “Many, many adults suffer because they never healed their wounds in childhood. Therefore, children should be able to cry without being labeled as crying babies or sissies, or without hearing the ridiculous phrase "big kids don't cry".
This approach is in contrast to some countries' philosophy of not giving away emotions.
The experience of a funeral director
This contrast is illustrated by statements from Robert Gallagher, the director of a New York funeral home run by Awake! He was asked if he noticed any difference in responses to grief between American-born people and immigrants from Latin countries.
"Of course, yes. When I started in this business in the 1950s, we had a lot of first generation Italian families in our area. They were very excited. Now we're dealing with their kids and grandchildren during the funeral and much of the excitement is gone. They are gone don't show your feelings much. "
The Hebrews of biblical times expressed their pain and feelings. Notice how the Bible describes Jacob's reaction when he believed his son Joseph had been eaten by a wild beast: “Jacob, tearing his clothes and carrying a bag, wept for his son. All of his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. "No," he said, "I will mourn Sheol with my son." And his father wept for him. "(Genesis 37:34, 35, The Jerusalem Bible; emphasis added.) Yes, Jacob was not ashamed to mourn the loss of his son.
Different culture, different reaction
Of course the cultures are different. For example, in many parts of Nigeria, although families tend to have many children and death from various illnesses is a constant visit, “there is a torrent of pain when a child dies, especially if it is and is the first child more when is a child, “said a writer with 20 years of experience in Africa. “The difference is that in Nigeria the pain is short and intense. It doesn't take months and years. ""
In Mediterranean or Latin American countries, people grew up in an environment where spontaneous reactions are considered normal. There joy and sadness manifest themselves publicly. Greetings aren't just a handshake; include a warm hug. Likewise, pain is often expressed openly in tears and complaints.
Author Katherine Fair Donnelly says a bereaved father "not only experiences the psychological shock of losing his child, but also the fear of losing his male identity by publicly showing his need." However, he argues, “The loss of a child goes beyond what can and cannot be done in emotional behavior. The sincere visceral feeling of purifying the soul with tears of pain is similar to piercing a wound to drain an infection. ""
Therefore, when it comes to pain, it is more common in some countries to express it than in others. But giving in to crying and tears shouldn't be viewed as signs of weakness. Even Jesus Christ burst into tears after the death of his friend Lazarus, even though Jesus knew that he would soon be raised from the dead (John 11:35).
Grief should be expressed