Sooner or later we all experience pain. Next time we feel bugged and edgy. Overmorrow, We sink and lose consciousness. All are ended up the same-WE HURTS.
My name is Zara. I just want to share my first love story and I will try my best to make it short. The day came when a man named John entered my life, he loved me and waited for me. He is the one who always comforts me and understands me. He used to love me for a long time even if there is no certainty. But I have a commitment to myself that I would wait for the day that God would give when I feel whole and confident- in short, "ready." Not with pride but I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world because he is seriously committed during his courtship. Considering my wants and won't shows me that he respects me.
He just managed to be friends with me even though he has feelings, well I said that we need to be only friends that time. Sadly, A pandemic came and there was a lockdown. He wants us to meet but it's not really possible. Besides, I'm really ashamed of him. Almost 5 months he carries to be contented even without meetups, calls, sending photos and etc.
...but the day also came when everything changed. I noticed that our conversations are not very frequent, and he seems like no appetite. I can't keep up with the change because I'm used to it. As time goes on, this idiot love really goes on my way. I suffered from let say 'depression' because I could not understand why I was so hurt, besides we have no relationship except for friends hence, I decided to write what I want to say through sticky notes and put them in a jar.
From October 12 to December 31 of the year 2020, I have written 81 words by writing to him every day. I decided to finish everything and --to make the long story short, I attempt to tell him I love him too...seriously I don't know, but all I know is He helped me a lot in changing myself, that the promises sometimes are meant not to be broken. That was the day I knew I was ready. Tomorrow is the new year, As the year 2021 enters I want to be with him and give him the bottle of notes I wrote, I also have a necklace prepared like a locket with pictures inside because I know he will miss me. I'm happy because he will be my first boyfriend.
The Next day, I'm so excited to message him but I was surprised...It hurts when I saw Him with another girl, ... I did not even know that he had given up already. He didn't even tell me he had something new, he did not even say goodbye to me. At that moment I thought, am I late?. It also seems to be my fault because I have not been ready for a long time. Maybe my preparation is just starting again and maybe I shouldn't have worried about it because he was a happy man now and all I could do nothing but be happy for him.
There's nothing I can do but just hid the jar and maybe I will just give it to him when the day comes. I will just wait for him in the next few years and I want to fulfill our promises. If he makes to wait before, I think It's my turn to wait for him ... but in different situations.
THAT'S MY FIRST EVER EXPERIENCE OF LOVE, I KNOW IT COULD BE COMMON BUT I JUST SAY THAT IT HURTS A LOT UNTIL NOW. tnx for reading and I hope we met a love that we deserve.