"Disconnection"

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2 years ago

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

In a cold gloomy day, a thought came across me and it took me into a deep thought. Life is like a gamble, you have to play it well inorder for you to win.

As I sat in the couch, looking into my 10 months old baby in his walker. As my eyes crossed at his innocent eyes, I have stopped from what I am doing and flattered to his brighten eyes, throwing his sweet smile at me.

I smile back at him with my heart melts with joy. The tickle of his voice reminds me of my responsibilities to him and to his brother. Inspite of a smile I give back to him is a troubled mind I felt.

My heart's so worried about the future they may have and if we could still provide their daily needs. My husband and I were so worried about our situations right now because of so much pressures we encounter nowadays.

You can name all the pressures, with regards with the pandemic (Covid-19) that we encounter right now in which an economic growth goes down.

Pressure on health of each member of the family, monthly billings, having an unstable finances because our small business is not that productive because of much debts to pay, and especially the pressure on how to sustain our financial needs.

I am bothered how could we ever sustain the needs of our children and family needs. We haven't enough and all that's left was a debt to pay.

It feels like I want to run from the world. Its feels like I want to hide to this madness forever. I want to disconnect my self from this stress but it's hard not to think about it. I imagine myself being another self to escape from reality.

Sometimes I kept my self too busy so I could forget all of this stress. I want to disconnect from this world full of madness and pressure.

My heart shouts to the world to end this game. I don't want to play this game anymore. Sometimes I question the world, why is there people have enough and more for their living. And wh us can't?Is it a curse?

I wanted to know why are there people can easily buy what they wanted. And why are there people, like a life and death, just to have a meal for three times a day.

I don't want to think like this, but life is so unfair.

As I sat about an hour in the couch and got mental blocked, my four year old first born came to me begging for a kiss on her head and saying "I love you". I came back to my senses and still thankful.

It is like someone splashed me with a bulk of ice cold water to back in my conciousness. And said "hey you have enough, you are loved and treasured. Come back now".

I came to realize that life is being fair. My family is enough to continue on playing the game. Seeing them in a good health, watching their sweet smiles on their face, giggling with them and having fun with them, receiving their huge hugs and kisses are more than enough.

I continue to pray to conquer all these pressures and always thankful to God for giving me a not so perfect but a healthy family. We are imperfect but I. God's eyes we are made perfect.

We are not rich financially but we are rich in love, health and caress. We are rich in faith, hopes and together we dream.

I will continue to pray to God th for the providence and guidance.

Hope everyone feels like this realized how much they are valued. Just continue to pray coz nothing is impossible.

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