"A nightmare in the midst of the night"

A shadow in the past, yes a shadow, only shadow that I can see. I can see his face, no I can't see him. I want to touch your face, I cried. Wait for me! He slowly dissappears, only his back I can only see.

Sweat all over my face, my shirt was so wet and I can't stop calling his name. I cried, and cried with full of excitement to eagerly touch his face but I wasn't grasp him even a single grip at his hand. I was so devastated that I haven't looked at his face and looked in to his eyes.

A shadow, yes only shadow that I can see. A shadow who visits in a midnight dream. "I can see him, though it's very dark but I can hear his voice. A clear, cold and very loud voice.

Only shadow calling my name, but he slowly out of my sight into the cold dark night. He slowly disappears like fogs together with the wizzling wind. I am so devastated, want to hug him so tight that can't let him out to the bravest grip of my hands. I cried for him, yes I cried deeply like I want to shout at the top of the deafening sound of the mountain.

My heart is like being stubbed deeply by a sharp and pointed knife. I am deeply wounded that I can't breathe. I want to stop breathing, oh I can't breathe. I don't want to wake up coz I need to see him. Yes, I really need a glimpse of his face to picture him out in my mind, so I could reserve him space on my curious mind.

Only dark 🌑 room I can see, I was in silence watching at the front locked door waiting for someone to knock, I wiped my eyes and was so exhausted while grasping air to breathe.

I woke up from a nightmare, with tears fell down in my eyes in the middle of the deafening night,heart beats so fast, snoring hardly, that only the sounds of my breathe I could only hear . No it's not a nightmare, it was like a dream with full of excitement, expecting that I can glance someone's face and grip his hand one moment even just in a dream.

I was so saddened that I thought it was real. But it's was just a dream, a dream full of sadness, excitement and expectations to be real. Hoping to see his face in reality but it's impossible. I can't even see his face in reality, even glance him at once, especially now, coz now you are gone.

You are gone forever and there is no chance to touch your face even in a single moment, even like a thief to steal one moment, just quick as a wind, just to get a chance to grip your hands tightly, a glimpse at your face and hug you when it's possible.

But no, there is no chance to do it. I might so regretful right now that I haven't get a chance to know you. But still I am hoping to know you at once, even in my wildest dreams. I want to talk to you like no time limits, hug you tightly and glance at your bold face.

But only shadow that I can see, no clearer picture of your bold face. I am so profoundly devastated, that you know to yourself you haven't any single chance to see him in person. The eagerness to make dreams a reality is what I really aim. But there is no way out.

Only that I can do is, searching a clearer picture of his face on my mind, but hey, I can't really find him even in the smallest nerve on my brain. I am so disturbed, disappointed and I am really saddened by reality that it can't be happened.

I can only hear my souls crying out loud, but my mouth was stucked and being zipped. It feels like anytime your heart will suddenly explode like a bomb even the smallest vein is shaking. Can you imagine how it feels like?

Hate? No it's not hate that I feels, maybe? Regrets, yes so much regrets that I didn't take my part to do what I needed to do when he is alive. I have so many questions that packed up my mind. I want to know the reasons why. Why, you left us? Are we not worthy of your love???

Maybe, all of these questions will be buried together with your grave. But I want you to know, even a single moment that I breathe in this world is because of you. I didn't get a chance to know you but I am happy that you brought me to life. I am even forever be grateful to what I am now.

I did not plant any hatred to what had happened. All I know that I am previlige that I was born with love. When given a chance to know you, I will say "thank you", you made me what I am today.

A shadow in the past, will await you in my dreams.

Photo from unplash