The Secret of Being Love

I used to think love would fix everything. All the broken parts of me, all the pent-up longing, the need to be special to someone, everything.

Love was the ultimate goal: once I found it everything would be right in the world. It wouldn’t matter what trials would come my way, because I would have love. That elusive, wonderful, all-encompassing emotion that makes life worth living.

I was committed to loving with everything that I was — everything — and nothing would stand in the way of that.

And then I found it. And it was amazing.

At first, mine and my future husband’s worlds revolved around each other. He was my first priority and I was his, and no outside responsibility could change that.

Work was blown off, other relationships were left to the wayside, and school became more of a nuisance than a necessity. I finally had found the love I was seeking, the love that would give my life meaning.

Fast forward seven years, and our relationship has changed in a number of ways. Turns out work is critical, and as much as we love each other, relationships with friends are important. When the novelty of finding love wore off, we started to get…comfortable. We reverted back to old habits, and found that maybe we didn’t love everything the other person did.

We loved each other the way we feel loved, and as a result?

We found that either of us weren’t really feeling all that much love.

I feel loved through romantic gestures and gifts — those weren’t his strong suit. He feels loved through service and physical affection — I struggled with showing that as I didn’t grow up with touch as the norm.

I was no longer content. I’d drop hints, tell him what he could be doing better without saying it straight out, and he’d do the same.

That led to hurt feelings and silence. We both felt justified in our feelings, because we were showing the other love.Just not in the way it was needed.

I remember feeling hurt and wondering why he just couldn’t give me the love I wanted.

Feeling frustrated when he’d drop hints about the kind of love he wanted, and thinking I was more justified than him.

But why stay in that mindset?

Turns out love isn’t a ‘fix-all’ emotion. Finding it isn’t going to make everything in your life perfect. But if I’ve realized anything about love, it’s this: being loved the way you desire begins with yourself.

You can’t mold people to be the way you want them to be. That doesn’t work and will only result in creating a rift between you and them. The only person you can change is yourself.

So why not try it?

I realized I need to stop focusing on all the things my husband wasn’t doing, and start loving him for all the things he is, for the way he is. Because that’s the man I fell in love with, and that’s the man I still choose to be in love with.

To try my hardest to show him affection and love him the way he needs. To not complain when I feel jilted, but instead focus on all the kind, loving things he does do for me.

In short, to show him love. Consistent, genuine love. Regardless of what he does.

This requires effort and learning to master your own emotions. This requires you forgetting your own wants and needs and putting your partners first.

But the amazing thing is, love reciprocates. The more love you show your partner, the more love you actually feel for them. And in return, they begin showing you more love, because how could they not?

Love isn’t always the answer, but LOVING can be.

I was trying so hard to be loved, I wasn’t loving. I was focusing on myself and the things I wished for. It never even occurred to me that maybe I could find what I was looking for by showing love to my husband.

By putting him before myself, and as a result, finding happiness I didn’t even know was there.

I used to think all my problems would magically be resolved once I found love. And love makes life wonderful, yes. But problems don’t go away just because something wonderful comes into your life. If you let it, that amazing thing can actually cause more problems that you didn’t anticipate.

But the secret to feeling love consistently — not just at the beginning of a relationship — is making sure you’re giving it. Trying your hardest to love the other person, not just expecting all your desires to come true. Not just expecting to feel loved all the time, especially when you’re busy with your own life.

It’s by loving, not by being loved, that we find the most joy and fulfillment in life. That’s what I didn’t realize when I was young, but am starting to realize now.

Being loved won’t fix all your problems, but showing love sure will make them a whole lot easier to deal with.

Thank you for reading my article. I hope you enjoyed and being loved while reading it. God bless and keep safe.

-PrincessLavinia