I was thinking about writing, then I started thinking about thinking about writing and just like that my mind was full of thoughts of thoughts. Recently I found out not everyone has a constant inner monologue and some people have quiet minds. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that’s like because even as I write this I have my own voice in my head talking to me about writing this.
Most times I have an ever running commentary on just about everything, sometimes I am obsessing over a particular problem or person. Other times I make plans about the future but those usually either leave me anxious or too optimistic so I tend to avoid them.
Sometimes I want to get out of my own head, you see it gets a tad bit exhausting always constantly thinking, planning, remembering, imagining and I try to immerse myself into something else, a book, a TV show, a walk but even then I still think and talk to myself but just in a more subtle way.
Sometimes I lay in my bed and stare up at my ceiling and try to get my mind to shut up but instead I think about staring in the ceiling.
I have come to accept I will only ever be truly quiet when I die and so instead of letting my thoughts drive me, I put them in the passenger seat and make sure they fasten their seat belts because it gets bumpy when I take the wheel, from myself to drive myself.
I feed my mind positive thoughts which ofcourse does not always work out for me because sometimes I tend to be too positive especially when it comes to people, I trust them and convince myself that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me and when they do I end up being more angry at myself. With all these thoughts I have how did I not see it coming? I ask myself but am not clairvoyant.
That has made me realize that my mind is not the most stable source of information and it processes information in a biased way and so I try to seek out information from other people. I feed my mind with different data and give it something interesting to process.
One thing for certain is that there is so much potential in these biological super computers that come with our human bodies and given enough direction and guidance, we can achieve so much. I have also learned that my style of thinking has a name and it’s called metacognition.
Slowly, I am teaching myself to think non selfish thoughts and I hope someday this mind of mine will leave something beautiful behind.😊🙈