Do you sometimes find yourself having a heavy heart? Do you sometimes feel like the world is crushing you and no one is there to help you? Tonight, I felt that.

02.02.22

As I was lying down on my bed, a lot of worst scenarios were on my head. I just realized how my life got stuck from the beginning of the pandemic. I blamed myself for everything and I started crying, because I feel like I already failed in life.

You know, the hardest part of having these attacks is having no one to lean on. You have to cry in silent, you have to hide away from the people, because you don't want them to know you're broken. You don't want them to know you're a failure.

Despite of wanting to cry out loud, you just have to cry in silent. And I believe, the silent cries are the most painful cries. Only your pillows know how much tears you cried on.

But, tonight, someone help me get through it. Someone who knows me well, and that someone is God. God saved me again, all over and over again.

"God will never give you anything you can’t handle, so don’t stress.”

I was just scrolling through my TikTok timeline and noticed that most of the videos were about the words of God. It's like God knew I needed it, so He showed me again the way to Him.

I opened my TikTok account to entertained myself and help me avoid all the sadness and anxieties this night had brought me, but instead I saw God. I was literally crying while closing my eyes and listening to the praise songs.

Later did I know that lost God in my life. That's why I easily gets irritated, I easily gets mad, even in small things, I make it a big deal because I didn't put God at the center of my life.

You know while listening to the videos in TikTok, I got touched to the one quote that said, "Everything you've been through, it was not for nothing" and I felt that. I burst in tears because I know He really said and mean that. That all these painful process were not for nothing. It has a reason and its purpose, and I clinged to that quote because I believe in Him.

We sometimes think that our lover will complete us, or we sometimes believe that romantic love will heal us. We didn't know it was God's love that could heal us. It is God's presence that could make us calm. It is God who truly believes in us.

Closing Thoughts:

You, yes you, whoever reads this, I want to say 'You got this'. All your hardships were not meant for nothing. You are where you are and if you feel that you needed to cry, just cry. God knows our pain. He knows your struggles.

During my worst days, it was God who never abandoned me. He never abandoned us.

Thank you for listening. Good Night. 🤍