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It's the middle of the night, I still can't sleep due to problems and debts. It is already 2:53 a.m. here, still wide awake, anxieties is hitting very hard at this moment.
My partner is an online cockfighting agent for almost a year now. I supported him for I thought it will help us financially, since agents do have big commissions. It was all good at first not until he started also engaging to it. It's always the main reason why we always fight. His friend even want him to join him and it happened almost everyday for months now.
Tonight, I found out he has almost 30k debt (600$) from 3 different persons. I can't even sleep thinking where could I get those amount of money. I am currently jobless, the only thing that helps me these days are these platforms (read.cash & noise.cash). The feeling that I don't know what to feel when I learned it today. I didn't cry, I just felt really tired.
I'm sorry for ranting it here, I just need to let it out. It's been a stressful quarantine I have here. I just want to have a peace of mind but my partner won't let me have it. He is a good guy but the only issue I have is this addiction he can't control. It affects not just our mental health, but also out relationship. We almost ended countless times due to this.
I just feel really tired tonight.
I want to cry, but no tears would fall. I want to shout, but shouting won't help. It made me even worsen my anxiety. Here I am wide awake, can't sleep even though my eyes and mind is tired. I always fear adulting because of this, and now, I am currently fighting this alone.
To the guys who are also engaging to any gambling games~
Please, think about all the consequences before deciding entering gambling games. It only not affect your mental health, it also affects your family. It is never too late to change. You still have time. Never wait to lose everything you have before changing.
~~~~Closing Remark ~~~~~
Sorry for being so dramatic here. Just wan to let it out to lighten the burden I am feeling right now. Anxiety is not a joke. I really hope and pray that everything will fall into places. Thank you for reading..