Characters - The Female Tarantula

People across the world have distinctive characters and just like Star Signs, they act, think, and look alike. 

Each have special nicknames according to their behaviors. 

We begin with the FEMALE TARANTULA, is this you?

Meet: The Female TARANTULA 

This woman is a pain in every other women’s ass, you will watch her uncomfortably, while you hide behind trees and shrubs, to make sure she isn’t stalking your man. This is the woman that women love to hate and bad for you, she always lives just down the street.

Tarantula is more attractive than beautiful and not strictly an Amazon height-wise. Her hair is usually long, thinning and dark with the common red tint, hairdresser’s put in women's hair to beef up the color and it’s worn pulled up into a ponytail at the top of the head, where it is left to hang hedonistically. She is usually dark-tanned and flawless, having achieved this with dedication, persistence, and an awe-inspiring self-worship program. VAIN is Tarantula’s last name.

 Her features are small, within a heart-shaped face. The body is excellent and paraded around the streets like a ‘hot rod’ to tempt and excite as walking or jogging is Tarantula’s religion, she is compelled to do it every single day in order to look her best. Her preferred clothing is sleeveless, black mini-dresses and shorts, matching black tights worn just above the knees with running shoes and socks and although worn nonchalantly the effect was worked on and perfected in front of a full-length mirror for an obnoxious length of time. With every brick in place, she is formidable.

 Ordinarily married with small children, she somehow succeeds in going for long walks on her own, round and round her neighborhood she goes, where she stops no one knows and at inexplicable hours, like six in the morning before full sun in pre-winter supposedly to ‘keep fit’ but every female including herself in every house along the circuit knows this is not the purpose, the only objective here is to arouse and seduce mankind and when found they are tantalized and teased with bashful, sexy smiles, followed by hair swings as she bounces down the street, her ponytail resembling a horse just before the jump, so annoying is she and in your opinion highly slapable.

 She will walk the same road six times in succession if she finds her quarry, (men or man on the veranda grinning or waving back at her) and while his wife is otherwise engaged he plays a game of charades with her by fanning his eager face with his hand indicating how hot she must be and because she likes what she sees she will fan her own face, mimicking him and laughing shyly to show him yes, she is hot, and (no doubt extremely willing) he fantasizes. This sets the pace for the rest of the day, he is drawn like a magnet toward the front gate waiting enthusiastically for the next round, cheap thrills indeed!

 It is amazing how easily and quickly she gains momentum, men of all sizes and shapes will find an excuse to hover out in the front yard and will suddenly find a variety of things that need doing outside, he reckons the car needs cleaning (for goodness sake) the brain is not the part he’s using at this stage.  This silent but insidious performance is of course performed behind the wife’s back. 

 All the men on Tarantula’s route are ‘shown’ or told where she lives. She will pose by her gate at every excuse and scandalously stare into all the vehicles picking her cards as they become available, smiling that sexy, shy smile and soon she will be waving, winking and smiling on a regular basis to YOUR man each and every time he drives by, this is a ‘his and her secret’ you didn’t know about, Tarantula has more tricks up her tights than a circus clown on his first day at work and she doesn’t care whether or not the men are married, fat or thin, big or small, as long as she has them after her, seeking her out, waiting for her, riding up and down passed her house, this is the objective, it uplifts and revitalizes an otherwise bored and frustrated little spider.

 Tarantula is a sun freak, and many hours are squandered perfecting that all-over dark tan that gives her a rather ‘tropical island’ look you see on some suntan lotion bottles. At the beach she sticks out like pink candy floss on a white sandy beach, being the only female standing half naked in fluorescent needlework (large stitches) facing humanity and not the ocean, which sets the scene for the next few hours of toe-curling opinions. She uses this excellent backdrop to show off supple curves and outstanding legs with long hair now loose and flowing down her back like burnished liquid, positioning herself ideally. Finally, and at last she lies down on a towel and everyone breathes a sigh of relief, but this relief is all too brief, the manner in which she lies has everyone gawking, her legs are spread open and ‘Venus’ is clearly outlined against the horizon, of course this has all the men blowing like whales and the woman pursing their lips. Men are hugely encouraged by this performance and women are irritated and envious, words like “filthy slut,” being passed among the back row as they look at her with frowning eyes. Tarantula’s of the world habituate neighborhood streets and walkways near beaches and ponds, parks and recreation areas and trust me look around next time you are in one of these places and look for the distinguishing features of a high ponytail with long hair and you would have found YOUR Tarantula!

 If you want more of my characters please let me know, thanks.