My fight against my gambling addiction and how I won

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3 years ago

I started using cryptocurrencies about 10 years ago, near when bitcoin was introduced as the titan that would take down financial government control and decentralize the economy of people. Promises that never happened, thankfully we still have BCH bitcoin cash and monero to use, coins that favor the concept we all believed for. But I will get there later.

When I firstly started using cryptocurrency it wasn't about making money or being impressed by the technology, as a newbie I was simply curious. It was something new to me, something not everyone uses, I would always feel excited when I would introduce cryptos to some other newbie, I was feeling as if I was pushing them to the right path, away from the corrupted limitations that the fiat was bounding them in.

Then I started doing tons of research, from how cryptocurrencies are produced, to what languages they are using, to what's mining, what are blocks, what's blockchain, so armed with my new "profound knowledge" I assume I was ready to gamble with crypto, that I developed the intuition of a day trader, that I could finally tell which coin would increase in price. And that I have found a way to enrich myself and make an early retirement more than possible.

That wasn't the case at all.

Till 2018, I would hold my phone constantly to see whether the prices are increasing, decreasing, staying the same, I was doing it in my sleep, when I was outside, I remember it was 3 AM and I was glaring upon coinbase prices, with every percentage I would get a dopamine outburst. And then it would all fall down because I was impulsive, inexperienced, and I didn't know how to control myself.

This was me.

You don't realize an addiction soon enough to deal with it accordingly, and that's no different for crypto gambling. Before you know it it vampirizes your life, time, efforts, and you are stuck looking at a phone full of excitement, anxiety, and hopes about the bet you made that has literally no logical basis besides your hopeful approach.

This was me for 4 whole years, every day, every night, I realized that I might have a gambling addiction when I visited a psychiatrist and he surprisingly told me that internet addiction and gambling addiction are not uncommon at all, and they can activate the same biochemical substances in the brain as heroin, cocain, and other deadly drugs. Which means, that they also have a withdrawal phase.

This meme might seem funny however, it is based on reality. The habit to check your blockfolio becomes so intense and subconscious, you don't even realize it.

So how did I fight this disease? (And I still do)

Instead of treating it like a negative addiction, or something that is an illness which would also stop me from appreciating cryptocurrencies as an invention, falsely based on my own personal negative bias. I decided to take my enthusiasm and invest it to something else instead.

Why are cryptocurrencies so important? Why does government fights them so much? Why are they spreading so fast in the internet? Can they be decentralized? What can they offer people? Society?

For the first time in my life I had a very good reason to study, not because someone else told me, not because it was necessary, but because I wanted to.

I educated myself in various subjects, from technology, to psychology, to chemistry, to economy, all because I wanted to use my illness to improve myself.

Surprisingly so, when I learnt what addictions are based on from a psychological-chemical perspective, and how foolish I was for believing that crypto gambling could make me a millionaire, the addiction went away on its own.

Now what feeds me is an iron forged idealism and enthusiasm for the future, the future that a new cash system can bring to people. Not what it can bring to my own pocket, it's not my dopamine fountain anymore, it's not something I will use to replace my job or goals, but something to appreciate for what it is.

That's my story, I would share some of the books I read or services I used but it's better for you to build your own journey, thank you for reading.

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