You will need a little backstory in order to understand how this can sometimes be scarring for me. I am an Asian Canadian, 1/2 Vietnamese, and 1/2 Chinese. My parents both fled from Vietnam during the war, and after a few camps ended up in Vancouver, British Columbia. A few months after, I was born; a not-so-healthy baby boy. In Asian culture, it's a joyous occasion anytime an Asian couple gives birth to their first baby, and it's a boy. So hopefully that little tidbit will help you understand the next part of my story.
So as mentioned previously, I’m the oldest boy in the family. I only have one brother. When I was born I was very sick, yellow, premature, and allergic to almost all varieties of milk products. To this day I’m not a big guy by all means, but not the smallest either. I had to work very hard at that. In the eyes of my parents, I've always been compared to my brother. Let's compare sizes, shall we? If I am standing next to my younger brother, I’m pretty tiny. He is 5 ft 10 and 230 lbs. I can tell you, it's not all muscle. Mostly in the tummy if you ask me. But apparently, that’s ok, even if you're unhealthy and slightly overweight.
I digress so let's get back on track here. So here's the scarring part, and yes it still gives me anxiety to this day at the age of 40. I will do everything in my power to not let my parents see how sick I really am, especially my father. The slightest cough, sneeze, or anything that implies that I am coming down with something, the dear father would say “it’s because of your weak chest son!” "It’s too bad you were stronger when you were born!" WFT right? You're probably asking yourself, what the hell is a weak chest? I wouldn't tell you, my friend. From time to time my wife and I would get a chuckle whenever we hear him say it to me. But even as I am writing this, that line about me not being strong and having a weak chest makes me cringe. I consider that scarring and sometimes I actually believe I am more sickly than I am.
Now that I am a father of two teenage boys, there is no way I would ever say that to them. But to be fair, both of my boys are way taller and stronger, both physically and mentally than I was at their age. I won't make my father's mistake.