It can be nerve-wracking to talk to someone you're attracted
to, particularly if you have no idea what you are doing.
Read on and learn how to find your
voice if you're having trouble communicating with your crush.
1.
Develop the
interests you hold.
To find things to talk about, you don't need to
be a brain, but you need to have passions and interests.
A person who can talk about things he 's interested in naturally is always
better than someone armed with pre-written prompts and a vague hope of getting a date.
• Make
brief listings.
List everything that is
of interest to you.
Go for more
detail, instead of less.
For example writing "playing classical guitar, going to
concerts, collecting old funk LPs" instead of "music."
• Increase the
list into subjects.
Using the above example, you might think about which guitar brand you own or rent versus the
brand you 'd like to have, which concerts you've been to and which funk bands you enjoy.
• Take a mindful note
of your opinion on each subject.
That will help you
to better know yourself.
When you're talking about any topic you 're interested in, you'll be able to talk
about it with confidence and explain why you're interested in it, which makes for good conversation.
2.
Practice loud
pointing things out.
Get used to talking or you're never
going to be able to speak well.
One of the easiest and simplest things you can do to improve
your level of comfort is to just say things to yourself aloud.
This helps you to feel comfortable with the sound of your
own voice, and to speak rather than just respond to others.
• Find
time and location.
It's a great choice each
time you 're at home alone.
It doesn't need to be scheduled
regularly; just seize opportunities as they arise.
• What
to say.
Try to talk about something a little
bit, instead of just mumbling a few words.
Tell yourself about the plot you watched
on the last TV show or movie.
Find a book if you can't think of
anything to say, and read from it aloud.
• Try to make the words sound natural when reading from a
book, rather than the stilted sight-reading drone in which many people lapse.
First read a sentence or two in your head, then
say it aloud as if you'd just thought of it yourself.
• The poetry books
are ideal for that.
Poetry is almost always meant to be read aloud, and the concentration
necessary to read a poem naturally helps to distract you from feeling stupid.
• Stick to
talking for a while.
Try at least one
minute to speak out loud.
This will help you get used to initiating conversations and speaking your mind
over time, which are important abilities to make a good impression on your crush.
3.
Converse
with children.
Wherever you communicate frequently with women – work , school, clubs, or
elsewhere – make an extra effort to connect with them in small talk.
This will teach you nothing to be afraid of talking
to a girl, even if you've got a crush on her.
• Start with people that you already
interact with, like coworkers, a little bit.
Ask them how their week went, and use
brief questions to encourage them to speak more.
Most girls will be happy to
have a moment's talk with you.
• If a girl asks about your week after she's told you about her, do the polite
thing and tell her, in the same level of detail that she used to talk to you.
(Leave out the fact you 're
trying to make the girls talk better.)
• Be friendly with
partners involved in the project.
You'll often be paired with a
partner at school or during community service.
You don't know very well when your partner is a girl, a little
genius will go a long way towards making things comfortable for you both.
• Try to talk about the
project, rather than ask about it.
If she responds well, go ahead and add in
as you go along with small talk and basic questions.
• Don't ask about
her life or about herself.
Instead, ask her what she thinks about another person, like
the teacher, or about an upcoming event you both know.
• Don't
talk too frequently.
Show that you are primarily interested in
being helpful, and together completing your project.
Speak like thoughts come to you,
instead of pushing the conversation along.