Only a very small percentage of our communication is verbal. Much of it is non-verbal communication, such as body language, tone of voice, facial expressions and much more.
Yet, there is so much hidden in the words we say and how we interpret them, that if we don't interpret something correctly, huge misunderstandings can develop between people, which can even flatten a well-functioning relationship.
Men and women think differently. Men tend to be more matter-of-fact, more competitive and look for solutions in everything, that comes up in communication. While women tend to prefer chit-chat and long talk. The weaker sex build bridges in communication, rather than seeking immediate solutions.
This is not always the case, because some men are female-minded and some women are male-minded, but in general it is typical of both sexes, as I have explained.
When women complain to their partners about something, they do not always expect them to come up with a solution. In fact, in many cases, this leads to big misunderstandings.
Let me give you some examples of this and you will realise, what is really happening in such cases.
Woman:
"Honey I had such a hard day at work today. The boss is demanding more and more from me. It's very tiring at work too, I couldn't wait to get home."
Man:
"Why don't you quit that job?"
Does this situation sound familiar? This is not at all the answer she was expecting. It was more like:
"I understand, dear. I'm sorry your work is wearing you out, but you're home with me now. Can I get you a hot chocolate while you blow off some steam?"
How different it would sound if a man had empathy and understanding behind him and not a quick fix to the problem.
The World Of Meta-Levels
By meta-levels, I mean when the spoken words have a completely different meaning in the background from the person saying them. In such cases, you can usually sense, that something is wrong behind a seemingly complimentary sentence.
"I see you've lost weight, you look good, but aren't you afraid your skin will sag?"
The compliment appears in the sentence, but it implies to say that at this age, sagging skin is not nice. So he compliments her nicely, but also stabs her in the back at the same time.
"You are able do it if you want to." or "You can work well if you're forced to."
On the surface it sounds like a compliment on a meta-level, but it actually sends the message that you're lazy.
The World Of Lying Phrases
We come across this a lot in our lives too. Many times we just walk past them, but the more experienced ones realise right away, that they weren't told the truth.
After a job interview or online application, we often get this:
"Thanks, we'll let you know."
And after a date, we're told:
"I'll call you."
Seriously, these could be communicated right there on the spot, whether or not there should be a follow up, especially after a date. I can tell you from experience, that you will never get that particular notification or phone call.
Not Equal Communication
This type of communication is usually present in workplaces where the boss or a higher-up talks down to the subordinate. It doesn't need to be presented in any particular way, everyone knows what it's about.
In some countries, where this communication is present there is a lack of mutual respect and appreciation. We should not allow a manager to simply look at us as if we were the last of the subordinates.
These kinds of communications are understandable to everyone, but there are also sources of misunderstood communication, that we do not understand. This can include making assumptions instead of asking.
In this case, the other party will not understand what you are talking about at all. When you think ahead and list conditions and by the time you get to the point of exchanging words with the person, you will have some unexpected reality towards them, that they will not understand.
Say you want to borrow something from your friend, but before you even talk to them you think ahead. What if they are not home? What if I'm going out on a limb? What if they don't answer the door? What if they won't lend it to me? These are the questions you focus on and by the time you get there you say. You know what, you don't even have to lend it to me. Of course they will have no idea what can be possibly wrong with you.
This is an extreme example, but things like this happen, where the other party has no idea why we said what we said.
There's another way of making assumptions, when someone is say, shouting and slapping. You assume it's because they're angry with you. This could be a misunderstanding, because you might not be the reason for their bad mood at all.
It is alway better to ask first to make sure we are fully understand the situation, that we are in. In order to avoid misunderstandings.
Lead Image Source: https://www.nextiva.com/blog/what-is-business-communication.html
I got your point here with husband and wife communication. You know the answer that you suppose to expect was kind of sarcastic. You were expecting for an empathy but you received a harsh answer instead.