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Mamahotel | Living With Parents As An Adult

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Written by   79
1 month ago

The term "mamahotel" has become increasingly common in recent years, at least where I live. When we use the term, we are talking about young people in their 20s and 30s, who are still living at home with their parents in the family nest. They go in to work from home, if they have a job at all, that's the better case, because many of them don't work and don't study.

These people are known as the big kids, who don't want to grow up or the ones, who live off their parents. It is so comfortable and gives them such security that they don't even want to move out of their home.

Image Source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/31-still-live-home-parents-wouldnt-swap-world/amp/

What To Do As A Parent

A lot depends on the parents too, if they are the protective type and don't let their child grow up in time and be more independent, they do everything for them, thinking that if they are at home more, they are always in sight and less likely to get hurt.

It's too late to start being independent when starting university or getting your first job. It should start much earlier. Parents have a duty to teach their children to be independent from an early age, but unfortunately many parents fear that they will be left alone very early, because their child, who is already an adult, will fly away from the family home.

The longer the situation of the "big kid" being a guest in the "mamahotel" drags on, the worse the financial situation of the parents will become. Not to mention the fact, that they will not be able to meet the challenges and expectations of life, because there were not any obstacles for them at home.

The Danger Of Living At Home As An Adult

Unfortunately, there are also serious cases, where the person living at home is not only unwilling to work and study, but also to meet other people or start a relationship. They are so turned off that they refuse to even come out of their rooms to eat. Instead, they shut themselves away for long periods of time and live for their favourite TV shows or video games.

I would like to mention, that leaving home is often associated with fear. We are completely on our own and we have to deal with our problems ourselves, but where there is fear there is also tasks. This is also true in other areas of life, that when we are afraid of something we should not run away from it, but face it head on to make ourselves more valuable.

The Importance Of Moving Out Of Home As A Men

It is very important to move out of the home, especially for men, because independence and autonomy need to be acquired before starting a family. Men need to be confident before they find a partner, because women will look up to a man, who is confident and self-assured.

It is important, that a confident man knows what he is capable of. Not just thinks it or suspects it, but knows it. It's not enough to watch an action movie, just to give you an example, to put yourself in the shoes of the protagonist, who crossed the dark dense forest alone at night. We have to go out and cross it to experience it and gain as much experience and confidence as possible.

Who would you cross that forest with? Someone who has already crossed it and knows what's waiting for you or someone who has only heard about it, but has never been there?

Preparing For Parenthood

Starting a family is exactly one of those things, that cannot be prepared for in every way. When you start a family, you are entering a dense forest full of challenges and obstacles that will prepare you for the rest of your life.

The reason why I have highlighted men in particular is because they will be the ones starting the family. They need to be better prepared to be confident and matured, because they will be the ones, who will be appreciated and respected by a woman.

So let us not forget that the woman comes into the man's nest. The man builds the house, the woman fills it with life. It gives meaning to the woman's life if she gives life. The man's life is given meaning by a house full of life. This brings balance to the story of starting a family.

It will never work if you move in with someone from your mother's side. You can't prepare for life and starting a family from home with your parents. You can't build up your confidence at home. It gives you confidence to know that everything you've done in life you've done on your own, you've learned from your mistakes and you've figured out how to correct them. It also gives you self-esteem.

So the key is to start somewhere, even with friends who you can count on at any time and who can support each other. After all, no one is confident at first, but you can build it up with each other's help. It's not a question of money, because you don't have to be alone at the beginning, but it's a question of not living with your parents. Again, we are talking about 20-30 year old people.

Image Source: Unsplash via Kelly Sikkema

When To Move Away From Home

I think the sooner the better. Obviously not at 14, but at 18 or 20 you can start to become independent. This is the age when you start to become an adult and start practising it and it takes time.

Planning is a key factor. Have a plan for the future, that you follow day by day, week by week. It will not be easy, because it is exactly like the dense forest mentioned above. If we give ourselves the confidence and the foundations to start a family, we men will be the ones women will look up to and not the other way round, we will be the ones who are after women.

Women are and always will be more mature than men. They already learn a lot from their mothers at home, cooking, washing, cleaning and of course they have the instinct to become a mother. Men, on the other hand, need a huge will to at least get started on the road of life. That's why men particulary need to start earlier.

Lead Image Source: https://business.time.com/2012/03/20/being-30-and-living-with-your-parents-isnt-lame-its-awesome/

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Comments

This is a matter of the country's culture. In Latin America people in their 20s and 25s are still studying and stay with their parents. Here it is not frowned upon. There are no fraternities in the universities, the children count on their parents to continue studying until they graduate and then to find a job. And so they stay until they have a partner and leave.

This does not interfere with their maturity to be spouses, responsible parents, etc. Parents become spoiled grandparents and caretakers of their grandchildren while the children work. Not all but it is a cultural thing.

My son is 20 years old, he still has 2 years left to finish his degree and then he will have to look for a job to become independent. When I was 21 I graduated as a nurse and wanted to leave home to become independent, my mother is European and told me then that I could not leave home without getting married first because it was offensive to the family. These are ways of life. Interesting article.

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1 month ago

Yes, I noticed. It is different in other countries. Where I come from and where I live now it is common to move away at an early age. Thanks for your time.

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1 month ago

Oh. Here in the Philippines, adult still living with their parents is VERY normal. In fact, when I try to bring up my plans of separating, my parents think negatively of me. Filipinos are such family-oriented people; you might be shocked of families from three generations living under one home.

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1 month ago

Okay that is different then. Yes I accept and undersrand that if it is normal. Here and in Europe in general it is unacceptable. In a normal case people move away from home at the age of 18, but in some cases earlier at age of 16.

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1 month ago

Yep, @Ellehcim said it. It's our culture here. Actually I think it's an accepted way of living across Asian countries. But you are right, experiencing independence and living alone, standing on your own feet is really important to our personal development. I lived alone for work when I was 21 and thankfully, I developed a sense of independence. I was able to do what I wanted, I was responsible for my own self, and I somehow understood a tiny aspect of life.

But of course, since we grew up in a tight-knit household, I really wouldn't mind living with my parents as long as I could. But well, in my case, they moved out instead, leaving me in the old ancestral house.

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1 month ago

I am happy for you. It is good to move out. I moved out when I had my girlfriend. It was so uncomfortable for us to stay with my parents and my girlfriend. So we were both working and renred a flat. That's where my real life began. Pay my own bills and rent. Solve all my problems by myself. And now I have a family.

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1 month ago

Guess that's a real good practice for you yeah?

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1 month ago

I agree much with @meitantekudo. I think it's common in Asian coutries, yes. Though I often thought of living independently from my parents, I am always kinda scared of living alone, too. I know I have to face that kind of life in the future, so I am always trying to learn new things everyday. Like what I am doing now, trying ro find ways to earn, to achive financial freedom.

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1 month ago