She was back to her core with that bad dream she saw
**She was thinking while leaning her head against the window and watching the falling snow. Trying to warm up from the mug in which he put a cup of tea that warms him in the cold house. Each falling snowflake was dragging him to different years and different dreams. She wanted an imaginary home, even if it wasn't the fairy tale house with pink shutters and flower curtains. A home that smells like bread, where happy children run around, the smell of hot food emanates from the bubbling pot.**
**He thought back to the day they met his wife. How they had just stared in surprise when they realized that they liked the same poem. Kemal used to read a poem to her every day. In styles he never heard from poets he had never heard of. However, he would lean on his shoulder and listen to his wife's voice as if he was reading it for the first time, even though he had read the same poem hundreds of times. Then they got married and overcame the difficulties. They forgot both poetry and literature while dealing with the bread case when they got involved with the children.**
**One more child, one child, one more child, and then he couldn't pick up a book and read. Eat, drink, wash-iron, cook, collect. All his days passed like this. Kemal was returning from work late and tired. He used to fall asleep while watching the news.**
**When the children were asleep and hands were gone, and the work was done, he would stay on his own. In the house of the night, in your own house. Those were the hours when he was happiest. But unfortunately, he was asleep early because of the tiredness of running all day. Such a monton was in life. Each day passed as if it was a copy of the other. He was so bored.**
**Again, on one of these monotonous days, he had finished his work and made coffee for himself to breathe. Sugar-free, foamy and double. He took a few sips when he was startled by the doorbell ringing. He was not expecting anyone. Who could have come?**
**When she opened the door, there was a beautiful blonde woman standing in front of her. She returned to the room and sat down, sipping their coffee, and she began to speak in a voice that harmonized with the grace of her body. He hadn't even asked his name yet.**
**Cup in my hand, I was frozen in my eyes. "Who was this woman and what was she going to tell me?" I was impatiently waiting for his speech. I took a sip of my coffee and inhaled that sweet smell.**
**The woman began to explain as if she had been waiting for this moment. She was smitten when she told her about their first encounter with her husband, what they did together, and the last time she was pregnant. She realized too late that this beautiful and charming woman, whose name she did not even know and whom she had not seen until today, was talking about her own husband, and her first words were "You left my house immediately." had happened.**
**After the woman left, he stayed for a while, his arm was broken, his arms lost their function, his brain stopped. I guess he had no working limbs, save for his pounding heart and his eyes that were weeping all the time. After crying a lot, she went to the kitchen to cook because the children's arrival time was approaching. She shouldn't show her sadness to her children.**
**How she trusted him, how she loved him. She had given up her career for him and became the woman of his house. She couldn't understand how she could do this to him.**
**A resounding sound broke out deeply. The voice was getting louder, he wanted to lift his head, but he couldn't. She forced herself, opened her eyes. "Mom, get up, we're late for school," she was saying in front of the three little shes. Jumping out of bed, she immediately turned off the alarm clock. He ran and washed his hands and face, and washed it again. She couldn't come to her senses. She looked in the mirror and combed her hair. She went to the kitchen and poured the tea.**
**What kind of a dream did he have? as if real. He sent the children to school, cleared the table and went to the right hairdresser. She wasn't going to let what she dreamed happen to her. As she sat there she studied the job postings. She did some shopping, too.**
**When she returned home in the evening, she was sitting at the table as a stylish, well-groomed business woman. She had been stripped of the submissive spirit with that bad dream, she had returned to her essence.**
In which scene of my mind I think I'm stuck in which hole
**I have never imitated everyone as much as I am no one, and here it is snowing flaky years later.**
**Even though I couldn't stick with an ax all this time, the Creator has given me so many opportunities, and my inner voice and my inner voice, which has beaten all of them and hit now, and the life presented to me was already memorized by poetry, and my first acquaintance was with poetry:**
**I met his pen and fell in love with poetry suddenly.**
**But how can a person know that he is actually walking on the shore of poetry and swimming in the vastness of poems when he has an analytical mind?**
**I just took my blood pressure: it looks like it's okay.**
**So what is this dizziness?**
**The phone rings and my brother's voice is not very good.**
**In the end, he too was blessed with the virus called covit.**
**My mother, on the other hand, is trying to talk to us one by one while we are torn between the two of us.**
**Now, in which scene of my mind, in which hole am I stuck, what am I thinking?**
**The rhythm of life.**
**For example, my moodiness.**
**Even if I have a good heart, that heart doesn't say good things about myself, when have I ever been nice to myself?**
**When did I love myself to the fullest?**
**I no longer demand to be loved and…**
**Unfortunately, all I can think of is a pink lie, but there is nothing like love: ah, did you feel loved a little?**
**Don't you love me?**
**First of all, my Lord loves me, otherwise I had already changed the world, which I know as a virtue with the torture I have done to myself until today.**
**I close the curtain, after all, when the lights are on, I never like to be seen outside. While people are already poking their nose into everything and producing a lot of talk.**
**The world has surrendered to the winter, the virus has already surrendered, and I am fighting at the back, the diary of a life that I isolated myself very much, and my travels of the universe and my imagination when I was a traveler thanks to my emotions.**
**Truths.**
**justifications.**
**dreams.**
**Maybe it's a spelling mistake, maybe love is something you know, the heart's insatiability, the love drags you along, and your heart is more than a season, a connotation and your words don't end your pain.**
**It is love, after all, it is the lava that drags you to the bottom of the earth. Love is the continent of your existence in geographies that you cannot cross, a collar you cannot reach, that patchy wound you cannot open.**
**Love is what you're trying to do.**
**To the angel of love you've been fawning over.**
**A word that you say politely and full of refuse, and sometimes an irreversible greeting.**
**You are a guest.**
**You have memorized the mise-en-scène.**
**What I can't sift through, maybe what you can't touch, is briefly the dry leaves that ignite on the outside of the pain, your heart is burning and the lamentation of the breeze...**
**That moment…**
**Your flaming and sudden.**
**A gigantic t/love hidden in your body and embers that you cannot escape...**
**You can't go miles.**
**You pull your jacket and you pull it.**
**You breathe in love and the burning smell of love.**
**Prophecies are spoken and the self you betrayed.**
**You pull that huge iceberg out of the poles and you hide in the darkness.**
**You compromised beyond your temperament.**
**You were astonished at the full sound of the mihrab.**
**Love is majestic, and your existence is hidden in the star of the North, beyond the poems you know and love.**
**It's hidden inside you.**
**Spilled from the cement.**
**Now, the innocent cry of love that you can't enjoy your life and high-necked love.**
**The poet's clothes are torn, and while you are watching the path of your lover, which you cannot see far beyond what you see while washing your face in the fountain of love, you burn and burn in the kerrat ruler of love, how bored and weary your soul is.**
**Sometimes, love, which is outdated, and the city's loveless sea, can suddenly go out on both sides of the city, and at work, the fire of love can sometimes go out over the steaming steam of the winter sun, if love is the poet's motto, sometimes in distant climates and exiled geographies, the lines and bleeding knees of the poet are suddenly inconsistent, because one cannot live without love...**
I found myself flying while the wind inside me was blowing nonstop
**A battalion of riots.**
**A battalion of imperative moods.**
**The silent identity of love, but when I manage to love silently from afar very well, when I confess it out loud, the climate called love wraps me up even more.**
**I am a teacher's daughter and thanks to my lawyer father, my classmate saw himself as superior to me and constantly criticizes what I wear or what I own, when I was clean and the apple of my family's eye, I never had anything to worry about.**
**My school uniform was always sparkling and ironed, I would never miss my ornament, when I say ornaments: the colorful hairpins I wore in my hair and the colorful sweaters I wore over my school uniform...**
**Then life began to change very quickly.**
**We were in high school now and there was an exam marathon waiting for me anyway, my dear friend, because I was a good student, he wouldn't hurt me a little, and for some reason, he would have to complete at least three or four lessons every year and blame me.**
**I still carried my friend on my head with pure and sincere feelings, then I had another friend that I loved sincerely and saw that; This new friend of mine was very attracted to my desk mate.**
**I was just learning what jealousy and envy meant the most, and somehow I felt like I was in the background, no matter how tight-lipped the three girls were.**
**The feelings that haunted me from my childhood, moreover, I was not curious about and somehow I let it hurt me with its sharp tongue.**
**My words were very cool back then, and when I was the apple of my literature teacher's eye, I somehow made the wrong decision and aimed to study business, so the notion called literature would seem distant to me, and I would understand after a long time that my real sense of belonging matched with literature.**
**Of course, the writing function somehow took me captive, and I always bought fancy papers and pens, even at my age, the top of my desk is colorful.**
**This is my only luxury:**
**I am as happy as I am.**
**This is my only fault:**
**Do I love, I pass myself...**
**The storks, on the other hand, are still chattering and rather seagulls have taken their place and they will not miss from our window and how a flock of sparrows flies when we put a crumb of bread on them.**
**I still can't decide which side of my bed to sleep on, after all, I usually fall asleep while reading and rest my head on my books instead of a pillow...**
**No, no, I shouldn't exaggerate that much, at least I should say that I rest my head on my conscience instead of a pillow, and I usually fly in my dreams, and my favorite is my dear school, which is not missing from my dreams.**
**Love is such a thing.**
**No reason to love?**
**People love for no reason, especially when my imagination was quite wide since my childhood...**
**The people I love have migrated and gone.**
**There are those who will not return, and among those I know that even if they do, we will not be the same as before.**
**There are also new people, a mass that I share my life with and growing day by day.**
**While the wind inside me is blowing nonstop, I have made a contract with my inner voice, and when I find myself flying, I touch life and pen with love...**
**It's not my thing to summarize, because I'm always like this:**
**Chopping and changing.**
**No matter how many blows I take, people and their aftershocks always pass by, and even though my heart is broken, is it possible for me to destroy my compass to thousands of pieces?**
**Moreover, in my day and in my world, there is no one to whom I hold accountable because fate closes some accounts, and the only thing I owe is my Lord: I have a debt of life and a heart full of gratitude, especially thanks to the grace of my Lord that I still manage to be full of hope and love next to all the pain and sadness that have invaded my life. While I put all my reservations aside and still offer my heart with all my good intentions, I am writing to people as of now and I would not be with you...**
I am by no means absent from life every day
**What I think to myself, I get offended at night as if I'm talking to whom, the concept of loneliness that follows, which is when I feel my back is crushed, In fact, the row of sighs is one after another, I feel alone in the dark and pierce the bottom of the past.**
**Good thing you're gone too, so I couldn't find anyone to whine or sneer at.**
**It's like the anger has disappeared, I'm dreaming again, everything is over and I'm humming the song when I say I'm glad you're gone.**
**Well, you're not there either, I don't have any anger to take the anger out by wandering around in vain.**
**Don't let my stagnation deceive you.**
**This silence is due to my disregard for the intricate whirlpool of my mind.**
**I have the ability to be in silence, my soul is addicted to peace, I have postponed the reasons for my many emotional feelings that I thought were insurmountable.**
**However, in every case where my contrary side outweighs, even I am void for myself.**
**Waits, that contradictory side of me that lies deep inside is already there.**
**My outlier often questions shallow humanities.**
**When my unjust tiredness reaches its extreme, all my efforts will not listen to me, my contrary side does not listen to me.**
**Sometimes, I don't expect an answer to every question that has timed out, I don't answer it.**
**To everything that has lost its hold on me.**
**It means being able to love more, the peace that spread to my existence before the prayer, when the night I made a contract with my pen, and the day of love at work, and sometimes the ç/quote lyrics of yesterday that I came from.**
**I am ahead by a wide margin in my lane.**
**I am by far the most deprived, but in this context, it is the story of being able to love without hesitation.**
**Without hesitation while loving.**
**Before every morning I suffer.**
**As much as I am in love, in the game I play for life and love, while every dice I throw, love is sure to be Mars.**
**The crammed earth.**
**If it's a dirty smile, that closed door that I can't escape and open the curse of the demon who stabbed me in the back.**
**When I cannot escape from the inn, I cannot decide whether I am an innkeeper or a passenger sometimes.**
**It is the appetizer of my poems in every ukde that remains in me.**
**Do not limit the poets, do not categorize them. Let everyone write what they want in the type of writing they want. Don't we read what works for us anyway? Do not prevent people from writing and trying new shapes. Who knows, maybe the form and style they wrote is correct, not yours, what do you know? Beauty and category in poetry, selection of poetry in competitions.**
**It is as full as a banquet table where I ate and drank to the fullest. While the other name of the life I can't get enough of writing about, and the greeting I gave to eternity where I spread wings with the freedom of the pen, mine is a tale that I cannot name, even though the journey on my boat of hope is considered a disappointment for some.**
I try to write my concerns with their human aspects and the broad language of literature
**You are like the dervish of my soul wandering the temple of my loneliness.**
**I multiply.**
**I sing of love in your blaze.**
**Love from the seasons, I read and you know what you can and cannot read.**
**The cross of pain, the weather vane of love and the incessant whirlwind of loneliness.**
**I am unique.**
**You are my partner.**
**My belly cracked in the fountain of love and my inspiration hidden in the navel stone, sometimes I'm a peasant girl and I grew up with you and got excited with you...**
**You, my dear reader…**
**I, on the other hand, am the miserable commander of the literary world, who writes the dip with an inexhaustible inspiration, but they know me as an amir, and I am one of the others without a command, and as soon as my Lord says "write", I get excited and overflow the embankments.**
**Love is a burden for some.**
**Love is an emigration.**
**Love is not a play, love is the meaning of existence.**
**Those who slander are those who wither love.**
**The women with work make up the name of love.**
**My age is insignificant and I am a city girl, sometimes I want to migrate to the village, sometimes I want to move away from the world, it is most difficult to reconcile with myself, and here I have finally embraced myself in writing and I did it because of you, my dear reader.**
**you are in my eyes.**
**It is hidden in my heart and…**
**You are the unknown and the known is my exuberant soul, and I know that a world where I scribbled with the magic of writing is actually a utopia...**
**We are separated.**
**We are forgotten.**
**We were neglected.**
**We were buried in the ground.**
**Who are we?**
**What is our problem?**
**I slept through the days, dear reader, at night, I knew a place, a temple, a cellar, and thanks to my pen, I share whatever I know privately.**
**While I've always been deceived, people take a lifetime, and the interesting thing is, I'm human too, and I didn't deceive a servant of God, nor did I bleed for a lifetime.**
**As true as I bleed, if I bleed…**
**I am happy with you, my dear reader…**
**I don't write for others to read: I write only for you because I love you and it's me who cares about you and some people don't care about what I write, dear reader...**
**I have loved you for nine years without interruption.**
**While I was writing my first word and figuring out the field, I know in the world of literature that I have a long way to go, but you know what?**
**My first wish was to leave myself exactly ten years ago and day by day this feeling took me captive and because of you I gave up leaving myself. Because it is you who make me love me, just like I love you, I managed to be read to myself with this communication between us...**
**I loved you without permission and you did not object to it.**
**Because I did not oppose my Lord and digest what He has given me to all my cells:**
**The pain in my chin is gone.**
**Because I came to myself with the call of my Lord and my path crossed with you...**
**There are so many people around me and they suffer from my writing, but while you are reading and we are loving each other, no one cares, dear reader:**
**What I care about is my desire to put the overflowing sea into words, and your wish is to read what I wrote and to be worthy of you day and night.**
**Because you deserve the best, and I found happiness in writing and in you.**
**None of us are permanent in this world, but thanks to this communication between us and every sentence I write, I know that my feelings, enthusiasm and love of writing are permanent.**
**As I write, I feel that loneliness can never hurt me. Because I connect with the people I write and tell, I participate in their lives, I become a partner. This is how I forget my loneliness.**
**Hundreds of thousands of sentences that I have written are the heralds of my love of writing and that I am born again and fly every time I pick up my pen, and I am grateful to you for this, my dear reader…**
**This is the loneliness of the writer, and I fill it only with writing.**
**And as the beloved author said:**
**I'm watching what's going on and trying to interpret it. I read, I try to write my thoughts and concerns with their human aspects and the broad language of literature. Most importantly, I love this job, which first gives me reality in my own eyes.**
The graceful privilege of forgiveness is on the strings around my neck
**I don't want to touch the glaciers that are moving away from me, melted by the sun.**
**I want to dive away from the castle of silence of calm, to clear the hurts in my heart. My tiredness is turning yellow, I'm getting tired of collecting my left and right.**
**A secret is born after the setting sun and all my cells memorize it..**
**Hiding in the lap of the clouds, my words are hidden for tomorrow that will be born again.**
**Fearless, unhurried, just like life itself.**
**I am surrounded by mysterious people who are not familiar with the rules of love.**
**In front of me is a broken snow globe, watching me what's left of myself...**
**I am tired in this thorny flow of silence. Now talking is like a cruel touch.**
**The molds are narrow, the colors are pale and the people are far from me.**
**I am too tired to gather the reasons because I am too far from my body, soul and you to listen to the reasons.**
**The delicate privilege of forgiveness hurts me even more than the strings hanging around my neck.**
**Their oppressed egos that they cannot satisfy,**
**The greed that covers their eyes and hearts.**
**After realizing this, I was both happy and saddened.**
**I'm crushed, I'll crush, I'll push, I'll push**
**I'm broken, I'll break, "what I have been exposed to will remain with them" perspective!**
**A mentality that drives us to disaster.**
**I wish it was possible to fix it by seeing, hearing and understanding.**
**What can one's awareness solve?**
**As long as the biggest shortcoming is not to be united, "it works for me anyway, it's banal to persecute", is there a solution?**
**Come on, he got away with this, this type of people, he chose a different path for himself.**
**What about the rest? Those who are pushed to insensitivity and deafness?**
**And the number of such people is too large to be underestimated.**
**Which one is it possible to get away from in every environment, in every community?**
**Now, have I climbed those slopes in vain, my effort, my struggle, my effort.**
**Is my patience in vain?**
**As a society, we need to get psychological treatment!**
**The generation before me, my generation and the next are doomed to extinction.**
**Love, respect, tolerance, humanity.**
**We will not find a generation that will instill kindness and kindness.**
**As human beings, we make great mistakes/mistakes, but we never wake up, we cannot wake up.**
**We think that we will not leave our position, we would be wrong.**
**We think we won't lose the car we have, we would be wrong.**
**We think that we will not leave the house, field, vineyard, or garden we use, and we would be wrong.**
**As a result of what we have, he shows this with our demeanor, demeanor and behavior. If nothing happens to him, nothing will happen to me either!” saying, we enter into a great folly.**
**Let's not forget that everything is temporary.**
**We will leave everything and go.**
**Everything will collapse to the ground, the winds will blow in its place, it will flow like water.**
**Sometimes, when we lose the values that we can't even put dust in, one by one, sighing has no value. Therefore, thinking that everything is a means of testing, let's act accordingly and arrange our lives accordingly.**
**Let's not forget that we are in a test for daily pursuits and daily achievements, for the values we will leave behind!**
**“What am I not, what will I be?” Let's go into questioning and live our lives accordingly.**
**Everyone will be questioned and resurrected according to what they believe in. In the end, it will either be rewarded or punished.**
**Blessed are those who, knowing that they are in a test, collect their travel provisions while they are migrating to the eternal realm.**
**It's about me, I'm just one of you.**
**In the discordant flow of thoughts, my breath is faster, my calmness is lost, as if my time is up, and it is as if my soul is looking for me sitting on the chair.**
@PenPals