Humility

When I think about the most wonderful personality trait that a person can possess the number one trait that comes to my mind is humbleness. It's not that I am this humble person and I am bragging about a characteristic that I have. That would be highly ironic. However, it is the quality that I admire in people around me and I'd like to cultivate within myself.

 Humility doesn't come by age or experience and it cannot be taught. It's something that can be learned from the people around you, may be. You can be pushed to stay humble but unless it comes from the inside I don't think it's real. We don't need that kind of phoniness. Humility seems easy but it's difficult to stay humble. A little bit of validation and a little bit of appreciation here and there can at times make our heads go high up in the air.

 When I say humility doesn't come by age, I have few instances and experiences of people whom I have admired for so long over the years.

 As a student, I had an extremely intelligent girl as my classmate. She was super smart winning all the medals and stuff in competitive exams. Also, a nice friend of mine until she left school(Currently, in MIT US). She knew all the answers to the questions teachers asked but not once did she feel the need to raise her hand and shoot the answers. She had this quality about herself where she was secured about who she was and the understanding that I don't need to prove it. Greatness shines, it's visible even when you don't talk about it, and it's more appealing when you are humble enough to not brag about it.  I was in awe of that girl that how could someone so smart, so awesome possibly manage to stay so grounded. She was passionate about reading books and was good at the stuff she did, like a pro but you never felt less of an achiever in her presence or overshadowed by her achievements. It was comforting talking with her and the most grounding experience. Even when I met her 6-7 years after school, she had not changed. She was probably smarter than she was earlier but her humility, which I think was one of the most defining characteristics of her personality was still intact and I was floored by that humbleness. I questioned my instinct to boast sometimes or the feeling that I get when I feel underappreciated or not good enough.

What exactly am I chasing? The satisfaction that I get from doing stuff or the recognition that I get after doing it?

There is a concept in Psychology known as intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is basically doing stuff that doesn't seem to have any immediate reward or incentive. It's just that you do it because you like doing it.

When I remember the instances when I did something without any possible benefit out of it I enjoyed it and in some way or the other, it helped me in the future. It happens. 9 times out of 10 I was helped by the activity that I did without any real incentive for it. You do it because you enjoy doing it and the reasoning that I explained to myself as I am doing something for myself. Something I enjoy doing. Staying intrinsically motivated is one of the best ways to find meaning in what you do and gaining satisfaction out of it.

 There are few other people whom I met who were super-wealthy, super-rich, and had it together in their lives. The manner in which they talked, the decency, and their subtle behavioral acts, were surprising for me at first. They exhibited this quality where they sort of felt there was nothing special about them (even if it was!) but about the person they are dealing with. It's that special feeling that you end up getting when you meet such a person. It's their humility which stands out. I realized it's part of their nature. It's easy for them to stay grounded, to be themselves, and be completely fine with what they are. In this context, humbleness for me is having everything and still acting like you don't have it. Meeting or finding a humble person is also an humbling experience!

 You can find examples of people's grounded nature in your daily lives as well. There is that one friend, one colleague, or one family member that you know who indirectly shows you how to stay humble and hold a classy act.

Humility is not comparing yourself to others. It is being genuinely happy with the other person's success and continuing with your calling without getting negatively affected about your situation. Probably seeking inspiration in other person's success.

 Humility is not drowning in self-pity and victimizing yourself when something shitty happens to you. It is picking yourself up and continuing to grow. It's also about showing the same amount of compassion to yourself that you might have shown to someone else in a similar situation as you are.

Humility is not chasing recognition. Humility is about losing that expectation that someday I'd be acknowledged by others for whatever I have done.

 I'd like to leave you with a nice quote by Rick Warren-

"Humility isn't denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weakness."