What You Wish For 2

[WP] Desperate for a child a couple take to the dark arts to seek the dark blessings of the Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, but instead of curing their infertility the eldritch god, not quite understanding the subtleties of human speech, gives them an adorable eldritch horror to raise

*****

"We're not calling him John France."

"Why not?"

"First of all, it's not a name. Are you sure your cocktail guy isn't called John Francis?"

Paul scoffed. "Just check the certificate, Caro. John France Dumaine signed it."

She had checked the certificate when she hung it on the refrigerator. But it had been photocopied so many times that the signature, which didn't look to have been legible at any time in the past either, could not be read by any mortal.

"Right," she said. "It's just that I don't like France. It makes me think of snails."

"Baby ... Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Caroline shrugged. Paul leaned in for a hug.

The doorbell rang and it was their landlord, Henry. After collecting their rent, he gave them a helpful warning. "Watch out. There's a seagull out there, and it's angry." His face was pale and he looked frazzled. He hadn't even ironed his sweater vest.

After Henry left, Paul sighed. "Money's going to be tight from now on. We've got to feed John France."

Caroline frowned.

"John... Germany?"

"Johngermany. If it's all in one word it sounds sort of classy and European."

"I guess so," said Paul. He smiled. "And if it's a girl, how about Sarahgermany?"

"I like it." Caroline was happy they were able to find a compromise.

That night, the egg hatched. To celebrate, Paul made margaritas. He served them in pilsner glasses. Caroline, however, was not in the mood.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just ..." Caroline stared at the child. Johngermany. It was a boy. Or at least so they thought. With all the tentacles, it wasn't all that easy to tell.

"What?"

"I'm just worried. What if he gets bullied?"

"Bullied? Why would he get bullied?"

"Well ... There are the tentacles. The horns. The claws. And—"

Paul embraced Caroline in a warm hug. "Sweetie. We can't be worrying over hypothetical bullies. Let's live in the present. Let's celebrate."

Caroline was amazed. Paul was perfectly happy with the situation. His attitude towards fatherhood was world-class, even if he didn't have the certificate to prove it. Maybe she'd make him one? And a World's Best Dad mug?

"Johngermany, this movie is called In Bruges. It's my favorite one."

"He's not old enough to watch a movie like that!"

"Eh, it's fine. It's not like he's going to remember."

***

"I'm sorry for calling you an inanimate object," said Johngermany.

"That's quite alright. This is a place free from judgment. Express yourself however you like."

"No, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I guess some stuff got dredged up. I usually don't curse. I've got principles and ... you've got to stick to your principles. You know, it's funny. This all takes me back to that day, to my ma and my pa—the air aromatic with the scent of $5 tequila, lime, triple sec—it's all there with me, still."

"Sounds like a core memory. Do you believe it might be connected with your drinking?"

"Huh? Oh, no. I don't think so. That was just a temporary crutch, something to lean on after ..."

"It's okay."

Johngermany adjusted his tentacles on the chaise longue, he studied his claws. "They were so happy, you know?"

"Of course they were."

"To me, it was only natural, it was all I knew. But now, looking back ... I can't imagine what it must have been like for them. And when I left? They must've been so scared. But I just had to get away. 'These people are not my real parents.' That was what was going through my mind. I'm sorry."

The therapist pushed a box of tissues toward him.

"Oh. Thanks." He grabbed one. "I just wish..."

"Go on."

"I just wish I could've had some more time with them. You never know that soon it's going to be too late." Johngermany sighed. "I met him, you know."

"Who?"

"Patrick. The Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young. As soon as he saw me, he took off running. You've got to realize, the Cxaxukluth Act had just passed and he was on the hook for hundreds of suits for child support. It took some time to convince him I wasn't after his money."

The therapist's eyes widened though it was apparent she had years of training in the art of not looking shocked. "What did he say?"

Johngermany shook his head. "He... well, I asked him. I said, 'You're my true father, right?' and he kept saying that he wasn't, that it was a special case. That my parents had made some sort of deal."

"A deal?"

"Yeah ... You see, Patrick had returned a week after my birth. He wanted to squeeze some money out of them, threatening to take the child with him. But they didn't have any. So he asked for something else instead. Their souls."

"Their souls? Don't tell me that they—"

"They took the deal, those idiots. My idiot ma and my idiot pa." Johngermany tried to fight the tears, but there was no use. "Those idiots gave him their souls just so they could keep me."

He grabbed a bunch of tissues and buried his face in them. "By the way," he continued. "I should probably tell you: you've been cursed."

"What?"

"Yeah. By Uvhash. The Blood-Mad God of the Void. I can see curses. That's my inheritance, I guess. Just thought you should know."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

That night, Johngermany went back to the apartment, the place where he was born all those many years earlier. He put on a movie and he made himself a cocktail. In Bruges, and a margarita. He made the drink in a cup: World's Best Dad it read.

"J-Johngermany?"

It was his mother's voice. But how!? "M-Mom? Are you there?"

"Hey! This is an excellent movie! Nice choice, son!"

"Dad? Where are you?"

Johngermany looked up and there they were. Floating midair. "Mom! Dad! W-What's going on?"

"I believe, uh, that you've been cursed," said Caroline.

"Oh, is that what's going on?" said Paul. "That makes perfect sense!"

"... Does it?" said Johngermany.

"I don't know!" said Paul. He sounded very excited.

Caroline laughed. "So that's what Pat ended up doing with our souls! He turned us into curses."

"Wait," said Paul. "D-Does that mean ...?"

"What?" said Caroline.

"I'm ... I'm an inanimate fucking object!" He pumped his ghost fists in the air. Caroline sighed.

"Mom! Dad!" Johngermany broke into tears as he embraced the ethereal forms of his parents with his tentacles.

"Aww, come here son. We love you. We love you very much."

"I know," said Johngermany. "And I love you too. I love you both to pieces."

They didn't notice it, but outside the window flew an enormous bird. In its beak, it carried a bloodied sweater vest.

*****

THE END.