Supernatural Case

[WP] After bitting a Fae, the Vampire claims that she must serve him, for his bite converted her into his thrall. The Fae claims that the Vampire must serve her, for the vampire ate fae food without her permission. As none of them is willing to give up, they bring the case to you, a lawyer.

*****

I shuffled some papers around on my desk for what had to have been the third time in under five minutes. The room was incredibly tense, but that didn't phase me. It's not like my job was all sunshine and rainbows so the thinly veiled anger that my clients felt towards each other was no more of a problem to me than if one of them was wearing an ugly jumper - not ideal but had no reason to phase me.

Both of the clients sat in that stuffy room were beautiful. The man who casually slouched on the chair on the left was pale, but it suited him somehow. He was dressed incredibly formally and everything he wore was tailored so precisely that he wore it like a second skin. The fabrics were exquisite and something about the way he carried himself made me certain that he knew all of this. He kept grinning at me like a snake and I knew that all of his fashion and good looks were the light of an anglerfish waiting impatiently for prey.

The woman was also well dressed and beautiful but in a completely different way to the man. Her clothes looked as though she had taken the phrase "just threw this on" far too literally and they sort of fell around her body instead of hugged it. She wore a mismash of what looked part medieval gown, part high fashion and she almost looked like a fashion model as well. Her limbs were slim and long but perhaps a little too long and whilst I'm sure her face was gorgeous it made me nervous to look at for too long.

These people were easily the most attractive people I'd even met - in fact, they were the most good looking people I'd ever even seen. Models, actors and athletes had nothing on either of them. They were quite simply dazzling.

Unfortunately, none of that was the reason I was so profoundly uncomfortable.

The actual problem was that they weren't really people.

I'd laughed when the man had told me he was a vampire and told him they don't exist because I'm not a crazy person and stood up to show the two out. But as soon as I did so, a quick demonstration of his fangs and claws extending made me far less sceptical. I hadn't known about the claws thing and in many ways that had disturbed me more than the teeth.

The woman, for her part, had offered to proved that she was fae. I pleaded for her no to and it was at roughly this point that I'd gotten so dizzy that I'd had to sit down. I'd crashed back into my chair and I tried to process everything they'd said.

"So," I began after a lengthy pause, "what is it that you are hoping to get out of this meeting?"

"She has to serve me, I bit her. She has no right to resist." The vampire stated.

The fae smiled and shook her head.

"Eating fae food without permission binds you to my service. I am fae, you used me as food and no permission was given. It is clear that you are the one who should serve me."

I rubbed my temples in frustration.

"This really isn't human law. I don't think I can help you."

The fae unclasped an intricate bracelet from her left wrist.

"If you are concerned that you will not be paid adequately for this request then both of us have more than sufficient funds we are willing to use to see this through."

She placed the bracelet into my hands and I admired it briefly. The delicate metalwork and the interesting mix of larger and tiny jewels made it unlike anything else I'd seen but I was still certain it would fetch a hefty price.

"It isn't money, I just don't know how your laws work. I don't think I'm the right person."

I tried to hand it back but she simply refused.

"You have accepted that as payment now. And as such you will help us."

For the first time in my entire life I couldn't argue. That isn't how any of this works but to both of them it was and it was quite clear that they had all of the power here.

"Okay... um... do you have copies of the relevant laws and prior cases?"

"Of course not," the vampire said, " they aren't laws - they're more than that. They're the way things are and there has never been any need to document that. Besides, we've already given you all of the pertinent information."

So, for normal cases I could call upon my years of law school, my somewhat lengthy legal career and a wealth of precedent set by prior cases. And here, in a situation that seemed to have an alarmingly high level of risk, I merely had a couple of vague statements. Great.

"So, why do you need her to serve you? Is it for a particular task, could she maybe pay someone else to be your servant or-"

"NO!" The vampire roared and the table shook ever so slightly. "I have spent decades trying to engineer a situation where I could enthral her and I shall accept no proxy. Aside from it being a complete breach of the correct way of things it would be an insult to the effort that I personally have put into getting her to serve me."

"The same applies to me." The fae said. "I have tricked him into seeing me and I will accept nothing less."

I chewed the end of my pen, a habit I'd thought I'd already grown out of.

"This has been going on for decades?"

The fae shrugged.

"Perhaps centuries. I didn't care to count."

I reorganised my papers yet again. Suddenly the solution hit me like a brick to the face.

"You are both right and you both won." I told them. "I've decided that legally speaking, you have to marry each other."

"What?!" The vampire exclaimed.

The fae said nothing but looked equally confused.

"It's a little archaic but the idea of marriage being a union where each one serves the other is definitely a concept. Maybe the term 'serving' is phased out a little now but hey, you guys have been around a bit."

Both of my clients had now turned their confused glances on each other so I pushed my argument further.

"Besides, if you've both been chasing each other for that long then maybe there are actual feelings there anyway. Either way, this means that you've both won and I think slots quite neatly into 'the way things should be' as a solution."

I half expected an argument or far, far worse but instead they both considered this for a little longer and then stood up.

"I see." The vampire said.

"Thank you for your time." The fae added.

And just like that, they left. They slotted their hands together like broken robots as the walked out of the room, no doubt trying to fit into this new husband and wife role I've given them.

Pleased with my logical acrobatics, I breathed a sigh of relief. Part of me wondered if I was right in my suggestion that marriage might actually work well for them. Could you spend hundreds of years playing bizarre games with someone and not feel a thing? I don't know maybe, if you lived for thousands.

God I hope they don't decide I can be their divorce lawyer.

*****

THE END