Slice and Dice

[WP] A legendary sword of power was lost in the final battle, shattered into many pieces... Thousands of years later, its broken shards ended up in the recycling plant, and repurposed into mundane, everyday items for the modern family.

*****

Dinner was going well until Harold nearly broke his teeth on his fork. Coughing and spluttering, his teeth aching, he jumped out of his chair as if he had received an electric shock. "What the hell!" he shouted.

"Harold!" said Marlease, his wife, shooting him a half shocked, half reproachful glare. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me. It's this." He waved the fork angrily. "I bit down on it and now I think one of my teeth's cracked!" He inserted his index finger into his mouth, probing the soft interior. His teeth were aching, but nothing felt broken as far as he could tell. He withdrew his finger, and the little bubble of relief that had grown inside him promptly burst. The finger was covered in blood.

"See?" he said, turning to display the scarlet fluid to his wife. Marlease looked stunned.

"But that's — it's just a fork! How could it have —"

"I don't know, but it did. Where did you even get this?"

"I saw it on sale this morning," she said defensively. "It looked like a nice set, so I thought I'd get it."

"Can I see it, Dad?" said Andrew, his eldest son, who, along with his two daughters, had been watching this exchange in awe. Harold grumpily thrust the fork towards him and he pulled it gently from his grip, holding it with something close to reverence. Then, with a change in manner so abrupt it was almost startling, he took the fork and slammed it onto the table.

Wooden splinters flew from the edge of the table into the air as if a tiny bomb had gone off underneath it.

"Holy shit," he said, looking amazed.

Marlease looked too horrified to even reproach him for his language.

"What is this thing made of, Vibranium?" Harold said. The whole family turned as one to stare at him, momentarily forgetting their surprise. "What?" he said defensively. "I watch TV too, I'm not that old."

"What else came with the set?" their daughter Ally asked Marlease.

"Um... A — a teacup. And a spatula. Ooh, and a butter knife," she added, as Andrew, Ally, and Maria all launched themselves towards the kitchen, rifling through cupboards for the utensils.

"I got the cup!" said Ally, holding up a quaint, ruby-studded teacup.

"I got the spatula!" Andrew cried. "Krabby Patty, anyone?"

"Here's the knife!" said Maria. "Do you think these three do anything too?"

"Hmm..." Allison surveyed her teacup critically. Then she crossed to the sink and began to fill it with water.

"Honey, what are you doing?" Marlease asked, in a tone that suggested she was fearing for her daughter's sanity.

"Well, it's a teacup," said Allison, in an "isn't-it-obvious" sort of voice. "I'm going to drink out of it."

"I don't think that's a good —" Harold began hastily, but she had already turned the cup to her mouth. She downed the water in one gulp, then straightened up, looking expectant.

"Damn," said Andy, who had retreated several steps and was now holding up a tray as though to shield himself. "Thought she was going to explode." He sounded highly disappointed.

"Well, we can't all get our wishes." Allison set down the teacup, but the moment she had, she let out a soft shriek. A golden light was now tracing itself around her outline, enveloping her in a haze of brilliant light. Harold leapt out of his seat, staring at her in horror. But the light didn't seem to be hurting her. On the other hand, she was looking down at herself in awe.

"This is so cool," she said, and her voice echoed as though two Allison's were speaking.

"So it just makes you glow? That's it?" Andy sounded disappointed again.

"I don't know..." Maria took an ordinary teacup from the cupboard this time, filled it and, ignoring her sister's cry of "What are you doing?" slopped it all over her. But Allison had recoiled in vain. The water bounced harmlessly off of her as if an invisible shield surrounded her, spilling onto the floor.

"Cool!" they shouted in unison.

Marlease looked as if she was going to faint. Harold merely stood there, dumbstruck.

"My turn!" Maria held up her knife, staring hard at it as though hoping any latent abilities would suddenly activate. Her shoulders sagged with disappointment as seconds passed and nothing happened.

"Sorry, Sis," Andy said consolingly. "Guess we can't all be winners. Now let's see." He held up his spatula, and at the same time, an explosion rocked the kitchen. Shards of glass and debris flew everywhere. The children instinctively ducked, and so did Harold, pulling his wife with him. When the house had fallen still again, he looked around at her. To his immense surprise, she looked guilty.

"I just remembered.... I also bought a blender."

*****

THE END.

It is with great sadness and pain that I announce that the new semester has begun. And finally, despite having delayed my return, the work is stacking up and I cannot afford to continue staying at home, if I do not want to stand face to face with an F soon.

I hope I can keep up with my writing here anyway, since it's something of a part time job to me. How's your day going?