Reverse Summoning

[WP] Much like how a desperate human might summon a demon to make a contract for power or immortality you find yourself summoned in hell by a demon trying to negotiate a contract for what seems to you like mundane advice and aid.

*****

"Here, you probably want to put this on." The demon threw me what looked like a hazmat suit. "You aren't used to the smells down here.

"What the Hell?" I mumbled while putting on the suit.

"We have a short walk to the office. Don't let what you see in the hall influence your decisions on the contract though." He turned and gave me a wink as he held the door open for me. I cannot describe what I saw out the giant window that lined one side of the hallway. On the other side were gold records. "Got a soul for each one of those!", he said with a smile.

We entered an office that looked totally modern with comfortable chairs around a giant mahogany table. He closed the door, and it seemed to close into the wall with a pneumatic hiss. The Demon paused a moment and motioned for me to remove the suit.

"This room has atmospheric controls. I can keep it comfortable for any species that I make deals with. Take the suit off, get comfortable. I want to bargain for your help."

"What would you need from me?" I spoke after a moment of silence.

"Well, you are well versed in the modern things, and I need your assistance with some technology. I can't get the old souls to help, and the younger folks don't believe in me, so they don't end up here when they die. So, I need, how do you kids say it, Technical Support."

"You want me to be your Tech Support? For WHAT?"

"Well, for starters, I can't get the Wi-Fi to stay connected any more. The DVR that I got just 8 years ago doesn't work and this computer won't run the games that my nephews want to play, so they don't come over any more."

"You know 8 years is forever in technology, right?"

"8 years is a blink of an eye for someone who has lived for thousands of years.", the demon said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Okay, Let's say I help you. What do I get?" I looked at a contract that had been set before me. "First, we are not doing this contract on your paper. We will do it on my paper. Where is your computer and printer?"

"But that will use my paper, or do you want me to go get paper from your house?"

'It's a contract term. That is YOUR contract, and it has terms in it that are probably linked to ways to keep a soul after the death of the corporeal form. I wish to avoid that, so I will be writing the contract based on the tasks you wish me to perform for you and include things like guaranteed time off, service level agreements and appropriate compensation for services rendered based on prevailing rates. The usual things." I folded my hands on my lap. "As a matter of fact, why don't we just poof back to my house, and we can write it up there, since you will be my customer, not the other way around."

I took this moment to be quiet. I knew whoever spoke first would lose this round.

After what seemed like an eternity, the demon smiled. "Okay, let's go.", and he snapped his fingers and we were in my living room.

I picked up my laptop and started typing. "I will need your legal name.", I paused, "Your REAL name. if this is going to be binding. You know my name, else how would you have summoned me, that's how that works, right?"

The demon nodded. He seemed to give the idea of telling me his real name a bit of thought.

"You know things about how my world works?"

"Just through stories, fantasy stories. At this point, I am going to say that most of them have some basis in reality, correct?"

"Correct"

"Okay, then well, let me get the terms written up, and then we will discuss payment etc. Just type your real name here." I put the mouse pointer at a spot in the contract. He typed out his name. Oddly enough, as he typed it, it used a font to reflect his language.

"Okay, I will need you to say your name to me, so I can phonetically spell it as well."

<screeching and retching sounds> emanated from his maw. I did my best to phonetically spell it out. He offered corrections. I then repeated it back to him and after two tries, he raised his eyebrow and nodded. "You're good"

I put standard availability hours in the contract for requested help. I made sure that I had limited myself to only 54 hours a week maximum, but no minimum required working hours during times when my services were not necessary. Of course, that "on call" time would be compensated for. I knew he could afford it.

"I need a list of properties you own in this dimension. Oh, and all modes of transport you own here, as well as access to their usage. I realize you may not have them readily available, but..." he snapped his fingers and there was a notebook on the coffee table in front of me. I picked it up and I was surprised at the properties he owned as well as cars, trucks, planes, and yachts, he owned as well. There was also an appendix of all the on call numbers to access any of them. "These will be at my disposal, when you aren't using them, of course. I would imagine, some of the assistance you will require may be located in these locations?"

"Yes, on occasion, I do come here to vacation as well as for work."

"Excellent. I think I have covered everything. Just give this a quick read and sign it and we should be okay. Oh, we digitally sign here, I'm sure you know. I'll email you your copy."

"Email? Quick Read? No, there will be no Quick read.... But nice try. Print this on YOUR paper as you say." The Demon chuckled.

I hit print and walked to retrieve it from the printer. 2 copies. I even brought a red pen.

"Okay, give me your redlines, and then we can negotiate changes." I stifled a yawn. Why do demons keep such weird hours? "Come back tomorrow and we can finish up, okay I need my sleep"

"Very well. I will go over this contract. Just hang on to the notebook, it's a copy. I will see you tomorrow."

And like that, he disappeared.

"What the fuck am I getting myself into?" I muttered as I went to bed.

*****

THE END