Prank?

[WP] Aliens always respawn minutes after death. It's a common prank for aliens to kill each other for a laugh. When they discover Earth, they kill millions of humans, thinking it's a humorous way of greeting this new species, but for some reason, the humans aren't laughing..

*****

The three teenage aliens sat in the front seats of their spaceship, looking down over the quiet city, thousands of street lights shining up through the night sky.

Tago, the heaviest of the three and with one of his three eyes purple from a recent run-in, took a large hit from the bong and began coughing uncontrollably.

Bobini, a skinny little alien with three well glazed eyes, pulled up one of his four arm and looked at his watch. “How long do we usually take?” He said, slurring slightly.

The third one, wearing tri-spectacles and seemingly more subdued than the other two, scanned the city with growing look of concern.

“one to five minutes, and never longer than ten,” he said.

“See Nerbie, relax,” Fat Tago said, falling back into his seat as he passed the bong to Bobini, “it’s been like two minutes. The light show is almost here.”

“No, it’s been fifteen,” Nerbie replied immediately, refusing Bobini’s offer for another hit.

The two well-inebriated aliens looked at each other for a moment before both burst out laughing. “Whoops,” Tago finally got out, making Bobini howl even louder.

“You idiots, this isn’t funny. There must have been a few million people living in that city,” Nerbie said.

“So what, it was just a prank. It's not our fault they haven't evolved properly,” Bobini said.

“We better get outa here,” Nerbie said as he started tapping various buttons on the ship’s dashboard.

Suddenly a loud bang sounded outside and the ship shook violently. Before they could react the ship was being pulled down towards the earth. Nerbie wrestled the joystick with his four arms, furiously trying to regain control. But it was no good. The other two aliens just cowered in their seats with looks of alarmed paranoia.

A few hours later they were standing in a large glass cage that had been placed in the middle of a desert, surrounded by soldiers carrying heavy weapons and spotlights shining directly on them.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, a helicopter landed nearby and a couple of well-dressed men jumped out and walked briskly towards the captured aliens.

“I'm Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, General Turnball. State your names,” the uniform-wearing man said loudly.

“Nerbie Elastoul, sir,” the first one said, head lowered.

“Tago Restoul,” the second one boomed confidently, now over his earlier paranoia.

“Bobini Bistoul,” the third one said, scratching his skinny body nervously as his three eyes darted between the various people surrounding them.

“Where do you come from?” The General demanded. The three aliens said nothing before Bobini slowly lifted one of his arms and pointed to the sky.

“Damn it, I know that much! Where is the rest of your army located?”

Nerbie glanced at the other two then back to the General, “Army sir? We’re not in any army, we were just out for an evening ride celebrating the end of the semester.”

The General spat on the dusty ground, "you destroy an entire city and that’s all you have to say for yourselves?”

Tago shrugged then nodded.

One of the soldiers standing a way off started running at the glass cage, screaming at the aliens before two others managed to grab him and drag him away.

“We didn’t destroy your city. We just deployed a life vaporizing device,” Tago said.

“Oh so you’re funny too, are you? You’ve killed over two million people!”

“It was just a prank! We thought they would come back after a few minutes like everyone does back home,” Bobini said. The General raised his eyebrow and looked to one of his colleagues.

Another man in a suit stepped forward, "you come back to life every time you die?”

Bobini nodded. The man in the suit motioned to the General and the two of them, along with a couple of others, walked a distance away and conferred quietly. The man in the suit was saying something that the General and others clearly didn’t like.

Just then a blinding light appeared in the sky above, lighting up the desert as bright as the noon sun. A second later the light narrowed in on a spot next to the glass cage and another alien figure appeared on the ground.

The light disappeared, leaving this older-looking alien glancing around at his surroundings. Soldiers aimed their weapons at this new target, fingers pushing lightly against triggers in anticipation. The newcomer spotted the three aliens standing inside the glass cage and started towards them.

“There you are! What have you three dropkicks been up to? You'll be paying for any damage to my ship I hope you know,” he growled.

“It’s nothing, dad” Bobini muttered.

“Nothing? You idiots stole my ship for a stupid joyride and have ended up down some arse-end back alley of the universe, doing Resoul knows what to land yourselves here,” he said, pointing his four arms at the cage and the soldiers surrounding it.

“We’re sorry Mr. Bistoul,” Nerbie said.

Someone coughed nearby and the new arrival turned his three eyes to see the man in the suit standing a few feet away.

“What? Look I’ll deal with these idiots. I’m sure they’ve caused some damage to end up in there, so what do I owe you?”

The man opened his hands in a disarming gesture, “unfortunately it’s not as simple as that. My name is Kevin Bodger, CIA Director. You see, these kids just murdered two million people.”

The alien father sighed, “of course they did. Just the usual prank, no permanent harm done. Boys will be boys, you know how it is!”

A couple of soldiers scowled.

“Sir, I don’t know what goes on in your society – although I am of course curious – those two million people have had their lives taken from them. Forever taken from their friends, their families, all their memories erased forever. They are not coming back. This was no prank.”

The alien’s eyes went momentarily cross-eyed in a look of confusion. “You mean to tell me your species doesn’t respawn in the same place?” He asked incredulously.

The CIA Director shook his head.

The alien father laughed hysterically. "I suppose you also still believe in higher beings too?" He said between breaths before laughing even harder.

Suddenly a burst of shots rang out. "Take that alien fucker," one of the soldiers yelled. The alien dropped to the ground, dead.

The three teenage aliens winced. Nerbie sighed and looked at the CIA Director, "you shouldn't have done that."

A moment later the alien father's corpse disappeared and another bright light appeared in the sky. The scene from earlier repeated and the alien father appeared on a spot, continuing to laugh.

"Well that was a surprise," he said before turning to the CIA Director, "and I was going to tell you how to control your respawning, but since you've been so rude, I think I'll pass. But given these idiots over here have no doubt caused you some trouble I will do you one favor."

The CIA Director's eyes lit up.

The alien shrugged, "you'll find those two million people these idiots killed, along with the rest of your kind who have died, on Planet Thirty-Three in the Solar System. From here," he said, squinting into the night sky and then pointing at a constellation, "it's thirty-three thousand lightyears in that direction."

The CIA Director looked up at the sky, mouth open.

"Come on boys, let's get you home," the alien said before he pulled out a small handheld device and pointed at the three teenage aliens, vaporizing them instantly.

*****

THE END