Possible Threat

[WP] Your supervillain nemesis is little more than goofy comedy relief, always coming up with clunky machines and insane, nonsensical schemes. When a new dangerous villain appeared, your nemesis utterly destroyed them, and then continued on as if nothing happened.

*****

I burst through the wall of the lair. In the main hall, Doctor Destructo sat on her ornate throne.

"Ah, Mr. Perfect." She cooed. "What an unexpected surprise."

I quickly scanned the room with my X-ray vision. "This is where you say something like 'good thing I have one for you and activate the subsonic pressure field to immobilize me?"

"Oh no!" She raised her hand to her forehead, feigning defeat. "Gosh, you already figured out my plan! Guess you'll have to come over here and-"

"Get captured by the laser grid?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'm just here to talk, Linda."

"Linda!?" At this point, I wasn't sure if it was mockery or actual anger. Maybe both. "I thought we were professionals, STEVE." She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Talk about what?"

"Those weapons you used on Earthbreaker. Those were... new."

"Not really. I've had them for a while, just collecting dust. Nice to be able to use them though." She smiled innocently.

"For a while?" I paused for a moment. "You're lying."

"Have I ever REALLY lied to you?" She smiled mischievously. "Sure, a few misleads here and there, but I've never outright lied. It ruins the fun."

"I..." I was at a loss for words. Earthbreaker's DNA was similar to my own, immune to most forms of damage except a specific radioactive isotope. And those killbots were... infinitely more dangerous than anything she had used before. The realization hit me hard. I scanned the room again, but everything seemed on par with her regular antics.

"Linda... I... don't understand..."

"What do you want me to say, Steve? That I could have killed you a dozen times over if I felt like it? Does that frighten you? Make the all-powerful Mr. Perfect shiver in his boots?"

"Why haven't you?" I finally managed to say it. "With tech like that... You could ACTUALLY destroy the League of Heroes and take over the world."

She sighed. "Why are the pretty ones always so dumb? It's BECAUSE of Earthbreaker. There are villains and monsters out there... so... unfathomably violent and destructive. The last thing the world needs is more dead heroes."

She rose from her throne. "Especially Mr. Perfect. You've saved who knows how many people, and not just that, you are GENUINELY a good person. You regularly volunteer for ordinary jobs, like shelters or kitchens. Hell, at this point it's probably safe to say you spend as much time at children's hospitals as you do flying around doing hero work."

She was walking towards me while she monologued. I noticed something in her hand... a remote. To what?

"That's why I do what I do. I'm a joke. A spectacle. My robots are big and clunky. They destroy vacant buildings and junker cars. Nobody REALLY gets hurt. The few times I've put something ACTUALLY dangerous on the streets, I've always made sure there was a hero close enough to get there in time, heroically swooping in and tearing robots to scrap while everyone looks on with smiles and cheers.

If it was always world-ending threats, there wouldn't be smiles, laughter, or hope." She stopped a few feet away from me. "And that's not a world worth saving, is it?"

I shook my head. "Why don't you just join us then? Be a part of the League?"

"Ugh. Boring. I'd automate everything and you lot would be out of a job. I'm a super genius, you know? I need to keep my brain moving. Making silly gadgets and gizmos, coming up with overly complicated plans that ultimately have little impact, or things completely absurd. Remember when I stole an Ice Cream Factory by building giant legs to simply walk it away? A fun challenge, harder than you'd think."

"Wait... is that why you helped Dino Lad?"

She laughed. "Everyone loves chocolate! I can't believe the first person to try and stop the runaway ice cream factory happened to have a chocolate allergy! I built a big silly chocolate spray gun, thinking how funny you'd all look, but the moment I realized something was wrong with him I kidnapped him to get him fixed up. I mean, a chocolate allergy bringing down a superhero like that? It's unheard of."

There was a moment of silence between the two of us. It was like I was seeing her for the first time. No longer was she this annoying hopeless villain vying for fame and attention. She WAS a genius, but more importantly, she was kind. All of the ridiculous gadgets and gizmos, all of it was theater, for entertainment. For the first time, I felt a deep respect for her. And so... that must mean that the remote...

I smiled at her, resuming the Mr. Perfect persona. "You think I didn't notice the button in your hand?"

"Ah... this?" She smiled. "I'm afraid it's much too late for you Mr. Perfect. The machines in the walls were obvious. Decoys. And now, I must make my escape!"

She pressed the button. The floor behind her opened up, revealing a vehicle awaiting her in some sort of underground tunnel. "Killbots! Make Mr. Perfect feel at home!" She leaped backward, landing perfectly in her getaway capsule as dozens of the big, clunky killbots lumbered into the room. "Goodbye, Mr. Perfect... For the last time!" The capsule closed over her before the vehicle launched down the tunnel. For a moment, I thought I saw her wink at me, but she was gone too quickly for me to really tell.

The killbots drew closer. They were the standard model. Big, clunky, noisy. No trace of the advanced tech she had used on Earthbreaker. A screen behind the throne suddenly flickered to life with a countdown timer. The base was set to self-destruct. I couldn't help but smile. Neither the killbots nor the explosion would really be able to harm me. We both knew that. But as she said, that had never been the point. And so I smashed through the waves of Killbots, bursting through the ceiling just as the base exploded, flying high into the sky.

To my surprise, the airspace was already filled with news helicopters. "Mr. Perfect destroys the secret base of Doctor Destructo" the headlines would read for the next few days. And from that day on, when the League would groan and draw straws to determine who would shut down her ridiculous antics, I would always volunteer.

*****

THE END.