My Chronicles 09-12-2021

Hi everyone!

So, as usual, or maybe not so usual since I don't do this very often, this is one of the few posts that's not about one story or fiction I'm writing, and more about the things that happen in my life and how I'm tackling the problems I encounter everyday, and the problems that I've been battling for longer periods. Being an introvert through and through with some habits and personality traits that lean towards an unhealthy amount of solitude, I hardly ever get to tell other people how I'm feeling, and what's happening.

Let's just say Read.Cash is a well-needed escape and listening ear for me. At least, users like @Hanzell and @Xzeon amongst others do help replying, so it feels like I'm screaming into a pillow and its screaming back.

Well, first of all, I don't know how many people saw that post or remembered, but I had issues with my school fees earlier in the semester, which must have been around August or September thereabouts. That later worked out, thanks to Read.Cash and a few bull runs in the crypto market here and there, I was able to offset the payments and all of that. Now that December is coming to an end, I guess I recorded a few wins here and there, thankfully.

Oh, I sadly didn't score one particular win that I was keen on: getting a girlfriend. Another year ended single, now I don't know about any of you guys, bit it's the consistency for me! Lol, never mind that. 2022 is another 365 days for me to make another attempt at this, for the sake of my sanity. But for now, as the cold comes, I'd hold on to my blanket tighter. What a great, amazing life, don't you agree 🥲?

Anyway, none of these things mentioned above are the main reason while I'm opening my heart on the happenings in my life. No, they're just the side missions, or minor headlines whatever. The main thing is...

Drumroll...

Yep, I have finally finished my professional exams!

No, save the yays! Because the results aren't out yet. They'll be out on Saturday, so this will be the shortest, and the most anxiety filled two days of my life waiting for the results that would determine whether 2021 has been a good year or a bad year yet. There's so much on the line, and no matter how I try to tell myself "No Pressure!", Yeah the pressure is still there. You can feel it, and it's a weight that won't leave there until the results are out.

But in the meantime, I'm a free man. I've been sitting on my bed, or laying, or talking with my friends, or (as I'm doing now) preparing to watch anime, and thinking about how criminal it feels to be this free. The PTSD of the preparation period had me scrambling for my books until I remembered that I was done.

Maybe a breakdown of how the exams went is in order, so let's take it piece by piece

First was Anatomy on the 23rd of November, I believe. It was okay, I guess, since out of five questions I comfortably answered about 3, and the Multiple Choice Questions part was easily done by me, so I'm quite confident about that one.

Medical Biochemistry? Not so much. I did tell @Hanzell that I dislike organic chemistry, so it's just my luck that Medical Biochemistry takes one of my worst subjects and makes it even more complex, with a lot of pathways and enzymes and compounds and reactions to remember. The exam left a sour taste in my mouth, and is my biggest worry yet. I'm just hoping that things work out well there.

Physiology exam was unexpectedly good, considering the fact that the department gave us an area of concentration and still set questions well outside that AOC. Luckily, I knew what to write here and there, and I managed to pull through. The Multiple Choice Questions were also alright so I guess that went well.

The Anatomy also had a practical, featuring bones, soft tissues (organs and all that), radiographs, and microscopic slides of the ultrastructure of different tissues. I'd say that went okay, just there I guess.

Finally, the oral assessment, or Viva. It went better than expected for anatomy, since I was asked things that were still fresh in my memory. Biochemistry, in its usual nature, was one hell of an experience, as the guy asking the questions was strict and asked what I didn't really know. I did get a second chance, and managed to say something reasonable. Phsyiology Viva was too easy, and I did it today. So that was the end of that, and with that, we get to this point where I say that I'm finally free.

But can I rejoice yet? No. The anxiety and tension keeps me captive as I keep praying and hoping that I pass all three and never get to relive any part of this hellish journey again, because it was much, much worse than just 'a bumpy ride'.

I still try to push these dark thoughts away from my head. I'm done anyway , and the scores are being recorded finally, so no amount of anxiety can change the future, and no amount of regret or guilt can change the past

I'll have to settle for moving forward, at all times and at all costs.

Thank you for reading!