Masked Man

[WP] You, a superhero, are awful at keeping your identity secret, yet somehow no villains have found you yet. 1 day after accidentally unmasking for the 30th time, you look online to find that the unmasked pictures of you are gone. There's a hackivist group dedicated to protecting your identity.

*****

Megan didn’t expect a lot of things that happened after she had called her university’s security department for an escort to her car.

For starters, she didn’t expect her escort to be roughly seven feet tall with biceps bigger around than her waist. She certainly didn’t expect him to be clad in a skintight onesie that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. In a nutshell, she didn’t expect to encounter—

“He-Bo! At, like, your service, ma’am,” the giant—presumably He-Bo—thundered with more than a hint of surfer dude.

“I think there’s been a mistake. I contacted security, and Officer Dan told me he’d help escort me to my car and deal with the guy who double-parked me.”

“Oh. Well, Officer Dan thought you might feel more comfortable with a bonafide superhero! He’s also busy with the movie he’s watching and didn’t really want to call a tow truck, so…he sent me instead.” He-Bo gave Megan an embarrassed smile as he fidgeted.“I hope that’s okay, miss…?”

“Megan. Just Megan is fine, He-Bo.” She stifled a laugh as the huge man almost melted in relief. “Thank you for being willing to walk me to my car.”

“Not a problem at all, Ms. Megan. It’s my job. Please lead the way.” He beamed at her.

The walk to the parking lot was not long, but it was steep, and it wasn’t long before Megan was panting and sweating in the muggy summer night. She took a long drink from her water bottle and wiped the perspiration from her forehead.

He-Bo nodded in unspoken agreement and, as she watched wide-eyed, he removed his mask and used it to mop the sweat off his flushed face. “It is so hot tonight,” he said, sweeping a generous amount of golden blonde curls to the side as they bounced down to an impressively chiseled jawline. “I’d go take a dip in the pool after this, but I’m on duty ‘till midnight and I can’t swim with my mask on.”

“You…ah…” Megan started, raising a finger, before closing her mouth and thinking better of it. “Right. I imagine swimming with a mask on wouldn’t be too comfortable. You’d probably need to take it off first.”

“You would think right, miss! Can’t do that. Or, y’know, not again.”

“What do you mean, ‘again’?”

A flush crept into He-Bo’s cheeks. “Well, I’ve messed up a few times. I’m still new to all this, so I forget how important it is to keep your mask on. Like last week, when I walked Ms. Jenkins across the street? She told me my mask had a hole in it and she could fix it. So I, uh, gave it to her.”

“Why was taking her up on that offer a mistake?”

“Because I gave it to her right there. I didn’t remember until I clocked out that I’d needed it for the rest of my shift.” Megan stifled a laugh. “Well, that was just one time. It can’t be that big of a…”

“Then there was the time I remember I was fireproof, but my mask wasn’t, when I helped old man Robert put out his kitchen fire. Burned right off. Boy was my face red!”

Probably not as red as it is right now, Megan giggled to herself.

“But that’s only twice; it’s not THAT big of a deal,” she said, but he continued unabated.

“Then there was the time Ms. Lori cut herself and needed something to stop the bleeding.” He started counting on his fingers. “When it got soaked during a thunderstorm and I had to take it off because I almost drowned. That time Danielle was really cold and didn’t have a hat. When I found a litter of stray kittens last winter and didn’t have anything else to keep them warm. That time I…”

“You know, He-Bo,” she cut him off. “It seems like masks are an awful big hassle. Why do you bother wearing them?”

He-Bo gave a dazzlingly white smile. “You sound like my grandma. She says I shouldn’t worry about wearing a mask but that’s, like, the first rule of superheroing!” He slammed one ham-sized fist into his palm to emphasize the point. “If they don’t know who I am, they can’t come after my family! I know grammy can fend for herself but I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her. That’s why I’m glad I’ve got my own team!”

“Your own team? I thought you worked alone.”

“I thought I did, too! But after the last time I forgot my mask at home, I got to thinking. Lots of people have seen my face now. But no one’s ever connected me to my secret identity. Everyone has cameras now, and I know someone has to have known, but there’s no pictures. Nobody’s unmasked me like they did Goliath and Master Fist last year. So there’s only one explanation.”

He-Bo leaned in conspiratorially. “I have a team. People who help keep my identity secret by getting rid of those pictures from the internet. I’m real, real bad at computers, so I know someone else has to be helping me. I hope I get to meet them and thank them one day!”

Megan tried, she swore she did, but she couldn’t stop her jaw dropping in surprise. “You’ve…never met them? How do you know they exist?”

He-Bo gave another wide grin. “People are generally good. They don’t want other people getting hurt. People see me helping others, and want to help me. Most people aren’t as strong as me so they do whatever they can. Lots of people are good at computers, and it’s a lot easier to keep your secret identity that way! It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Megan’s mind spun through a hundred different reasons why no, that was not the only thing that made sense, but each one fizzled out under his genuine smile. She might be right, but she didn’t have the heart, so she just went with the tried and true standby: smile and nod.

“That does make sense, He-Bo. You must make a big difference for them to be willing to do that for you.”

“All in a day’s work, Ms. Megan. After all, what comes around is all around.”

“I think you mean, ‘what goes around, comes around’.”

“I…huh.” He rested his chin in his palm for a second as he thought, before saying, slowly, “I think that makes more sense. We learn something new every day, Ms. Megan!” He-Bo gave a thunderous laugh. “And speaking of things coming around…I believe this is your car?”

He gestured to her SUV, which had been blocked into her spot by a poorly-parked truck with wheels so large the cab towered above even He-Bo. She sighed, and nodded.

“Well then. As you taught me, what goes around…”

With an exaggerated wink, He-Bo strode over to the truck. With as much effort as it took Megan to lift her morning cup of coffee, he single-handedly picked up the truck and held it easily over his head.

“There you are, Ms. Megan. I’ve escorted you safely to your car and ensured THIS dastardly double parker will face some hefty fines after I deliver this to the impound lot.” He waggled the truck, the metal groaning in protest as he used his other hand to offer her a card from a hidden pocket. “Thank you for the pleasure of your company, and please don’t hesitate to call upon my aid again! He-Bo, AWAY!”

Her mind reeling from the absurdity, capped off by a man-mountain literally skipping away while holding a truck like a paperweight, Megan almost missed the man in the car next to her. He looked at her and mouthed He-Bo!!!. She looked back and nodded…then froze as she saw him raise his phone to begin recording the maskless hero.

He did not, however, record that. Instead, he recorded three things: the shaky video of a hand pressed into the camera phone.

A thinly veiled threat at the new and exciting places his phone would go if he didn’t turn it off right that instant.

And in the distance, a deflated heroic sigh, followed by a resigned, “Darnit, not again…”

*****

THE END