Magicks

“You must be the exchange student. Nice to meet ya, mate. Name’s Darren or Dazza for short. How ya going? Pretty cold over in England, right, mate? Must be loving the heat here.” Darren patted the back of the exchange student, showing her around the magical academy known as Pharlappicus.

“Ah… ha… ha. Yeah, England is rather cold this time of year. Weather can be right dreadful.” Madeline said, unsure how to address all the quick-fire questions. She wasn’t used to a person somehow cramming so much speech into a quick flurry of words, having to take a moment to process it all. “Um, wouldn’t Daz be a better nickname? Dazza isn’t much shorter.”

“Huh? Nah, it’s Dazza. It’s just how things work here. If my name was Barry, I would be Bazza and so forth.” Dazza explained, not understand Madeline’s confusion on the subject.

“What if the name doesn’t work like that? What about a name like Jacob?”

“Jazza? Look, I don’t make the rules here. If you want to discuss that, you gotta speak to the old mate’ emu down the hall. He’s a feisty one too, will peck an eye out. What’s your name, anyway?”

“Madeline.”

“Ah, so Mazza? Yeah, Mazza works. You will fit in well here.”

“Please don’t call me Mazza. Is everyone here like this? My school wasn’t as…” Madeline tried to think of a polite way to put it, struggling to find one that wouldn’t insult Dazza.

“Well, not everyone. But if you want to understand that good Aussie magic, you need an attitude like this. How partial are you to thongs, by the way?”

“Pardon?” Madeline stammered, staring at Dazza wide eyed. Wondering where he could be going with this.

“Ah, right? My mistake. You call em flip flops right? It’s kind of the footwear here. How else are you going to land your broom on a beach? Don’t want sandy feet when you’re flying back.”

“Why would we be flying to the beach? Aren’t we here to learn magic?”

“Well, you can’t really have a barbeque inside. We tried that once, but it was a whole thing. You ever seen a bunch of sausages get infused with the magical essence of spite? Sausages can hold a grudge; one kid lost his ear. It’s alright though, he had two of them. So, yeah. Much safer to barbeque outside, less chance of magical interference. Oh, want to see a magic trick?”

Madeline struggled to process that sentence. She stared at Dazza awaiting a punchline that never came. He was serious, by the queen herself. He was dead serious about that. She decided not to engage in that conversation and instead moved on to the magic trick. Perhaps that might help revive her confidence in the academy.

“Sure, feel free to show me your magic trick.”

Madeline stood patiently before Dazza, waiting to see what he would do. But the man just stood there, blankly staring at her. There was an odd tension forming between the two as Madeline took a step back, trying to avoid the constant stares of Dazza. After a moment, Dazza’s lips curled into a smile as he pulled a vegemite sandwich out from behind his back, offering it to her.

“I call it the Land down under. Get it, like the song?” Dazza tried to offer the meal to Madeline, but she politely declined. Not because it was magical food, but because it didn’t look appealing.

“Very clever. I assume that’s just a party trick, right? You don’t actually get taught that in classes, do you?”

“Of course not. We get taught how to make fairy bread in classes. Vegemite sandwiches are considered more advanced magic. If you study hard, I might be able to teach you it later.” Dazza said, not catching the disbelief on Madeline’s face.

“I think I’m fine not learning it. So, about the name. Pharlappicus. Is that named after a prominent figure? Maybe a great warrior?” She inquired, trying to find a redeeming feature about the academy.

“Yeah, it’s named after Phar Lap. It was a racehorse that we all really liked ages ago. People used to call him the wonder horse and well magic is full of wonder, right? Bloody aussie legend material. We considered naming it after Ned Kelly, but there’s already enough things named after that guy. Not enough things named after horses. “ “I see.” Madeline sighed, following behind Dazza as they walked through the halls of the academy. While the two walked, she could hear the squeaking of his thongs as he dragged them along the tiles, making an awful sound as they echoed in the booming halls.

Madeline got out her phone, looking into Phar lap as Dazza led her to their classes, only to stop their walk to bring up a point. “Isn’t Phar Lap from New Zealand? Wouldn’t that make him a New Zealand figure?”

Dazza stopped. The smile fading from his face as he turned to her with a look of seriousness that she hadn’t seen from him. “Did they get to you too? Those New Zealand mages need to stop putting lies into people’s heads. We have his heart in a museum, so that makes him ours. If they want to claim him, they can come and fight us for the heart. Sure, they have the skeleton, but what goods a skeleton without a heart?” Dazza said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Next you will tell me they made Pavlova. I won’t stand for their lies.”

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry.” Madeline didn’t expect the topic to be so heated. While she certainly believed the horse was certainly a New Zealand figure rather than an Australian one, she considered it a better idea to just leave the conversation be.

“New Zealand doesn’t even exist. Well, at least that’s what we keep telling people. We keep erasing them from world maps. It never gets old. Have you seen how many maps don’t have New Zealand? It’s the funniest thing alive. They don’t even suspect it’s us doing it.”

“Are you telling me you go through all that trouble just for the sake of messing with them? Aren’t they your allies? Wouldn’t it be better to build a strong comradery with them? Imagine how powerful you could be together?”

“Oh yeah, well, they keep beating us in the rugby, so this is how we get back at them. Kind of like how England keeps telling people we don’t exist because of the results of the ashes this year. Sports are important to us.”

“We don’t do that.” Madeline had to wonder how they found out about that. They were confident the spell couldn’t be traced back to them. Maybe it was just a lucky guess.

“Anyway, it’s not like we don’t get along. It’s just a bit of fun. Speaking of fun, shall we go to class? I think our first lesson is with Mr. Koalabuffle.” Dazza smirked, motioning her to the classroom door.

Madeline went to open the door, only to pause. She stared at Dazza, then at the door before her. “You’re messing with me. I finally get it. All of that nonsense was just a joke. I must admit, you had me worried for a moment. Is this humor something I need to get used to?”

“Damn, was hoping you wouldn’t notice this early. Yeah, expect to hear a lot of drop bear jokes today. Don’t worry, drop bears aren’t allowed on academy grounds. Maybe watch out when you leave, though.” Dazza smirked, waving a hand over his body, equipping an academy sanctioned robe, but still not getting rid of his thongs. “Some stuff was genuine, though; I won’t tell you what. You can have fun working that out.”

“I do like a challenge. This place is certainly different from my academy, but I really think I’ll enjoy the experience. You’re right too, the weather is much nicer. I just hope I fit in.”

“You will be fine. You saw through me fairly quickly; I bet you will probably ace our magic. Pleasure to meet you, Madeline. I hope we can become good mates by the end of this.”

“You too Darren, I mean Dazza.” She said, giving him a nod as she headed into class, ready for her first day at the new academy.

*****

THE END.