Luck

[WP] It turns out that luck is genetic. As underground research labs begin to appear, scientists across the globe set traps to capture lucky humans so they can be traded on the black market. It’s now recommended that people avoid casinos, night clubs, and Ireland.

*****

I didn’t think my discovery would change anything.

People with good genetics were always considered lucky. The only thing my research proved was that our perception of the phenomenon had been backwards. They didn’t get good genes because of their luck; they got lucky because of their genes.

I had always been fascinated by this topic, mostly because of my own poor luck, and upon having empirical evidence after decades of research, I shared my findings with the scientific community.

That was a mistake.

The nature of luck still hadn’t changed. It was, by definition, something random and uncontrollable. Emphasizing this, however, didn’t stop idiots from trying to exploit it.

Suddenly, I was the most hated man in the world. People were being hunted for something they couldn’t control. Furthermore, those who weren’t being hunted (i.e. the unlucky) thought my research was implying they were inherently inferior.

That couldn’t be further from the truth, though. I didn’t want any of this. My lab received more funding than ever but I didn’t want to continue my work. It just wasn’t worth it.

Things only got worse when the military kidnapped me.

I’d been avoiding their calls for months and they decided to take matters into their own hands. After removing my blindfold, they guided me into an underground conference room where all the top leaders were gathered.

“Welcome, doctor,” said General Powers. He was a rugged man with many medals spread across his chest. “I’m sorry we had to take such drastic measures.”

I glared. “No you aren’t.”

General Powers chuckled. “You’re right. I’m not. We did this for the safety of our nation.”

I scoffed. “What do you want from me?”

“Your country needs you. This research of yours has brought about a new arms race. The Chinese have an overwhelming advantage, and the Irish...” General Powers shivered. “That entire country is now a weapon of mass destruction. It’s a threat we can’t ignore.”

“And? I’m just a scientist. It’s not like I can stop them.”

“I know, but we’ve been having difficulty with our ‘Lucky Charms’ program.”

“The cereal?”

General Powers frowned. “No, it’s a code name for an elite task force we’re building. A special group to counter the luck of other nations.”

I wanted the earth to swallow me right there. That was the stupidest thing I had ever heard.

“Unfortunately,” continued the general, “we’ve been having some... difficulties recruiting. You see, it appears that our army is composed of some of the unluckiest bastards in history.”

I frowned. “And you’ve been trying to kidnap the lucky, haven’t you?”

General Powers widened his eyes. “N-no. Kidnap is a strong word. Target is more accurate. We’ve just been trying to screen for them, but we can never get a handle on it. We either get a ton of false negatives, or the prospects suddenly don’t need to join the forces anymore.”

I nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Really?”

“Of course it does. You’re sending them to die. Their luck is going to do everything in its power to stop that.”

“But wouldn’t their luck protect them in war?”

“No, because it’s luckier to not go to war in the first place. It’s like all that business with underground research labs copying my work. Their human trafficking failed because anyone who got caught had to be unlucky.”

“Then what do we do?” asked the general.

“Nothing! Did any of you actually read my paper?”

Everyone at the table looked away, ashamed.

“Figures...” I sighed. “Look, although I was able to prove there’s a ‘luck’ gene, it’s still not a substitute for actual skill. That’s what people don’t seem to grasp. Luck is valuable, sure, but it is ultimately unreliable. You can’t depend solely on it. The nature of uncertainty demands that, sometimes, it doesn’t work out.”

General Powers had a glazed over look in his eyes. He didn’t understand a single word I said. “So how do we recruit them?”

I facepalmed. “Fuck it. I’ll give you the answer. It’s not like it’ll matter, anyway. You do this at your own peril, okay?”

General Powers nodded.

“All you have to do,” I said, “is be honest when recruiting.”

General Powers went pale. “Impossible!”

I hung my head. “You won’t catch anyone against their own will. If, however, they choose to do it of their own volition, the luck won’t interfere. Just say that you want the lucky, and incentivize them to step forward.”

“Ahh perfect! Thank you, doctor! You’ve done a great service for your nation.”

“You shouldn’t thank me. Luck has a funny way of biting you in the ass.” I gestured at my kidnappers. “Trust me, I would know.”

General Powers didn’t listen, too excited to develop his program. I was safely returned to my home and I didn’t hear from them until a few months later, when General Powers was found dead of a heart attack. It appeared that it happened the day before he would unveil his new recruitment plan.

Nobody else in the military wanted to take his place. The ‘Lucky Charms’ program was quietly forgotten and, soon enough, the rest of the world moved on.

In the end, I was right. Nothing really changed because of my discovery. Except for Ireland, who was now a world superpower.

*****

THE END