Invasion?

[WP] The magical races enslaved magic-less humans centuries ago. To expand their empires, the magical races travel and conquer different dimensions. They soon stumble across and try to conquer a magic-less world full of humans. It did not go well.

*****

"Dude, there's a weird circle in my backyard." I very nearly hung up the phone. Dave had a bad habit of pranking me, and this sounded like a doozy. But, it had been a while since I'd seen him and I wasn't doing anything today.

"What kind of circle? A hula hoop on the ground?"

"No, man. It's hanging in the air. And it's all shimmery inside." Oddly, Dave sounded serious. No suppressed giggles or sarcasm. I sighed.

"All right. I'll be right over."

The trip didn't take long, and soon I was pulling into the driveway. As I got out of my pickup, I nearly dropped my keys. Dave was definitely not pranking me. Or he'd invested in some serious technology to do so. The giant shimmery circle in his backyard would take at least a hologram machine.

"Dude! Do you see it?" Jogging around the corner, Dave pointed backward. I smiled because it was good to see him, but also at his archaic way of speaking. 'Dude' had fallen out of fashion thousands of years ago.

"Yes. It does seem odd. Has it done anything?" I asked. Grabbing my arm, Dave dragged me onto his wrap-around porch, moving towards the circle.

"I think something tried to come out of it a little while ago. It was really odd-looking—"

"Dave.." I warned.

"No, nothing like that, but I think it had pointy ears. Like really pointy. Pointier than those elves you're always going on about. And furry." Before I could correct him, that what I talked about were fairies, we reached the back porch. In front of us, the circle seemed to bend inwards, before rebounding, rather like a trampoline. And standing on the grass, was a small group of people.

I instantly saw what Dave was talking about. Two of them were tall, ethereal beings with ears that almost looked like foxes. Three others had rounded ears, but the horns on their head gave away that they weren't quite human. And the last one— the leader by the way the others automatically deferred to them— had ruby skin. Not glittery or anything, but made of actual rubies.

"We have come to conquer your world. Do not resist and— " There was an audible sound of a shotgun being pumped behind me. One of the pointy-eared folk dodged behind the ruby leader.

"That's the one that attacked me when I was scouting our landing spot. He hit me on the nose!" They squeaked. Turning, I looked at Dave, who slid a gun towards me with his foot. His own was leveled on the leader.

"Dave, did you shoot the pointy-eared one?" That was not a question I thought I'd be asking this morning.

"No. Hit them with a beer can. I got my guns after I called you."

Reluctantly, I picked up the other shotgun, pointing it at the group. The leader was staring down their nose at us, before raising a hand and making a complex motion in the air. Something not quite visible whooshed through the intervening space, slamming into Dave.

"All right you weirdos. Get off my property and back where you came from. You're trespassing." He growled. Whatever it was didn't seem to have improved Dave's temper. The ruby leader took a step back, frowning.

"That should have worked... Soldiers! Go!" They moved forward, throwing more almost-invisible things through the air. Some hit Dave, some hit his house, and one errant shot hit me. It felt like a warm breeze, but nothing else. A shotgun blast rang out, and one of the horned folk fell to the ground clutching his foot.

"That was a warning shot. The next one goes through your heart." Dave gestured towards the leader. "Now get out!"

The leader flinched, but to their credit held their ground.

"What spell are you using to resist our magic? We thought this world was magic-less but it seems we were mistaken. Such power you must have to negate ours." They said. I was about to say something, but Dave cut me off by laughing. A great deep laugh, that made his not inconsiderable gut shake.

"Magic? That's ridiculous. Magic doesn't exist. There's no such thing." His laughter stopping, he peered at the leader. "Is that what you were throwing at us? Dude, that's never going to work." As Dave drew in a deep breath, I relaxed a little, lowering my gun. Dave had done his Master's thesis on this topic, and if he said magic couldn't work here, it couldn't.

"Now, you listen to me, you trespassers. Here's why it won't work here, all right? Now first..." I tuned out as he began to lecture. It was always too technical when he got going. And soon he'd be talking about quantum this, and atom that. Looking around the porch, I found the cooler I knew would be there. Popping open a beer, I settled into the deck chair, and balancing the gun on my knees, I waited for the talking to end.

After about a half-hour, when the poor ruby leader looked ready to cry, I interrupted.

"Dave, why don't we let these people go home? Their little invasion failed, and I'm sure they don't understand all this talk. And the little horned guy is bleeding all over your grass." Cut off the full flow, Dave blinked for a few seconds, then nodded, waving at the leader to go.

"You haven't heard the last of us! We've conquered many worlds— "

"Yeah, yeah. Now get lost." No longer able to lecture, Dave had lost interest in the invaders. He settled in the chair next to me, grabbing his own beer. The ruby leader actually did cry a little, small sapphires falling down their cheeks. They and their soldiers moved back to the portal, and with another sort of bouncy motion vanished. The circle disappeared soon after.

I clinked bottles with Dave. He chuckled, pulling out a notebook and making a small mark.

"Well, that makes a nice even twelve times someone's tried to conquer our world." He said.

"Yep. So that magnet there is doing its job pretty well." I pointed to the strange contraption in the corner of his yard. We'd built it in our college days as a sort of joke but soon realized it actually worked. It pulled any trans-dimensional portals to Dave's backyard. Made a single entry point, so any invaders or guests could be dealt with easily.

"Though that was the first time anyone tried to use magic. Must have been nice to brush off the old thesis knowledge eh?"

"Yeah. It was actually." Dave paused, taking a long quaff of beer. "So, you up to watch the game tonight?"

"Sure. What else am I going to do on a Saturday?"

*****

THE END.