Error in Transmission

[WP] As a thief called Alyssa, you can’t be blamed for mishearing your client say “Steal the moon, Alyssa” instead of their actual request to “Steal the Mona Lisa”

*****

They had come alone. I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief. The chance for a double cross was still there, the billowing cloak my illustrious buyer wore to help keep everything anonymous could be concealing anything from a pistol to a longsword if they were feeling particularly adventurous. In at least one attempted double cross the suitcase itself had turned out to be booby trapped with darts containing paralytic agents. I eyed the large, steel box that the figured lugged over with what would roughly be the expected weight for the money I had been offered.

'You know the deal, show me the money first.'I held an arm up in a stopping gesture once they were several meters away.

'Of course.' The voice synthesizer they used carried a heavy mechanical inflection that still made me wince every time I heard it, you'd think they could afford getting a better one but maybe they enjoyed the "Darth Vader through a megaphone" style. Regardless, they laid down the briefcase facing themselves, inputting a code and placing his thumb on a sensor before taking off the latches, turning it around, and revealing to me those crisp, clean bills I had grown to adore, digital transfers just couldn't compete. 'Now, you show me the goods.'

I obliged, my far simpler but more colourful maroon suitcase that I was told clashed with my vibrant red outfit and hat, but couldn't find the will to care, unfastening the latch to open it, revealing the ball-sized moon sitting on rich velvet plush.

My client inspected it for a full ten seconds before going. 'Err, what is that supposed to be?'

I frowned, doing a double take to confirm that it was indeed still the moon in my suitcase. What sort of charade was this? 'What you asked for, the moon. In pristine condition I think you'll find.'

'I asked for The Mona Lisa, not The Moon.'

'Oh NO you didn't!' I snapped back. 'You asked me to steal the moon, and here it is! Don't you go back on our deal now after I've done all the work.'

There was a longer pause as the figure seemed to be stunned at what I assume was their terrible memory.

'No, it was definitely the Mona Lisa' Wow, really impressive comeback.

I sighed. 'Look, three months ago, you came to this meeting area and told me to "steal the moon, Alyssa".'

'Who's Alyssa?'

'That's me, obvi-' I cut myself off, right, he shouldn't have known my real name. I gave a polite chuckle. 'Alright, maybe there has been a slight miscommunication due to your terrible voice synthesizer, you really need to learn to enunciate.'

'Ha ha.' Was his rather mirthless laugh in response. He looked back up from the moon to my face. 'Well, with that sorted, where did you get that moon anyway?'

'...' I just stared at him credulously. 'The sky? What, did you think I just stole some child's paper Mache of the moon for this exchange?'

After another excruciating pause my client looked up towards the brilliant blanket of stars that enclosed us. 'Where's the moon?' He mumbled to himself.

'Right here, I just showed you.' But he just repeated himself so with a groan I lifted my case and walked towards him. 'Look, do you want to give it a feel to see that it is legitimate?'

'How would the moon eve-wait, the weather has been pretty insane today, was that because you stole the moon?' He seemed to be gaining an immense fascination for his own hands at this point, shifting his feet in apparent agitation.

'Does the moon have something to do with the weather?' Sounded strange, but I was more into astrology then astronomy so maybe it just never came up.

'YES!' He shouted, the synthesizer letting out some static feedback that made me flinch. 'How did you steal the moon anyway?'

Recovering myself, I pursed my lips and glared at him. 'I'm not at liberty to discuss my thiefly talents, I would expect someone like you would understand a need for discretion and secrecy.'

'Sure, but I mean-' I pulled away slightly as he vainly grasped towards me in a half-hearted manner. 'How is that even possible? Why is it the size of a soccer ball now?'

'Well, it would be rather obvious to find if it was it's regular size, yes? But enough small talk, I understand it isn't what you wanted but you were just planning on selling the mona lisa anyway weren't you? Now you just have to sell the moon instead. Honestly you can probably get a much higher price for it, so it works out.'

'Who do I get to pay for the moon?'

'Do I have to do EVERYTHING!?' I clawed at my head in frustration, accidentally dropping my suitcase to the concrete beneath with a "clang" to the undivided attention of my client, although thankfully the moon did not slip out of it's velvet cushion. 'NASA maybe, I don't know, you're the expert in these matters.'

'...Sure, I guess I'll just get someone to buy the moon back for the earth, great, piece of cake.' See, the way he was mumbling was the exact reason we had the miscommunication in the first place, I was struggling to parse his words. Thankfully he took a breath and spoke the next sentence with more clarity. 'You can put the moon back after, right?'

'Don't see why not?' I'd never done it before, but how hard could it be?

He was hyperventilating now, eyeing the suitcase with the moon, but not yet getting closer. 'Can we make the exchange now?' I chipped in helpfully, eyeing the case of money he almost seemed to have forgotten now.

With the sigh of someone who had seen the light and was now just going to do as they were told, he nodded.

*****

THE END