Dog's Best Friend

[WP] You are severely depressed and are given a service dog to help you through it. However, due to a mix-up, you are given a dog that is actually much more depressed than you. The main thing that gets you up in the morning is knowing that you need to be the service human for your dog.

*****

“Still looking, huh? Yeah, sometimes I find myself doing that too. You keep thinking one day you will see them pull into the driveway and everything will go back to normal. At least you wish that would happen.”

I gave the old dog a pat on the back, taking a spot next to him on the couch. His brown eyes only focused on the driveway outside, not even looking away when a brightly colored bird fluttered past, not letting anything break his focus. I never thought a dog of all things could look miserable, but there was no tail wagging or tongue poking out. It was just a lonely stare, one filled with a deep hurt that can only be felt when you’ve truly lost something special.

“She must have been a hell of an owner. Probably snuck you little treats, right?” I put on a smile, trying to get his attention. Didn’t dogs usually respond to trigger words like treats or walkies? Still, not even the allure of a possible treat turned their attention away. I sighed, sinking into the couch, at my wit’s end on how to help him. It wasn’t fair. He was supposed to be the one pushing me forward, not the other way around.

Perhaps it was just a case of anthropomorphism? Maybe I was just pushing my own feelings onto the dog and there wasn’t anything that deep going on inside his mind. For all I knew, his mind could be filled with belly rubs and tail chasing. Yet… I couldn’t convince myself of that.

I knew sadness. It’s been something that’s suffocated me for years. Friendships, romance, jobs, and most aspects of my life have been tainted by the black dog of depression and ironically, now I have welcomed a similar dog into my home. If anyone could understand those feelings, it was me. What is it about depression that makes you want to free others of it while leaving yourself to drown in its murky waters? Why do I care about getting up in the morning for his sake when I was happy to rot away in bed when I was alone? Maybe a therapist could answer that if I ever got the guts to visit one.

“I lost a special woman, too. Sometimes I wake up thinking she’s still alive and then that crushing weight comes back down again, you know? That’s when those stupid thoughts come back, those thoughts you kind of wish would just stop being so loud. Heh, sometimes it feels like you’re going crazy, right?”

He didn’t respond, as to be expected. Somehow in my emotional confession, I forgot who my audience was. He was just a dog and one that had no interest in my misery, not when theirs weighed so heavily. Still, my words weren’t entirely meaningless. He raised his left ear. He was listening, even if he hadn’t faced me. It was the most he had given me so far.

Would I have taken him in if I knew his owner had passed so recently? I don’t know, the entire process still feels like a blur. After a few doctors’ appointments and signed pieces of paper, I somehow ended up with a dog. I’m sure that there was more to that process, but I couldn’t really remember the details of it. Still, even if not intentionally, the dog had given me a reason to get up in the morning. So, I’m sure the people that assigned him would say it’s working as intended.

“I’m going to make some tea. Want anything?” I shook my head, again wondering why I bothered speaking to him. Maybe it made me feel better or perhaps I was just so lonely, that even the act of speaking to something that couldn’t respond felt fulfilling on some level.

I gave him another pat before heading into the kitchen. As always, the kitchen was a mess. Dirty plates were still set at the table, carefully moved so I could eat around them. Not to mention the bowl of fruit that had to be at least three weeks old at this point. I just ignored the smell, pushing aside the plastic bags on my counter as I took a tea bag. A few minutes later, I had my peach tea. Before I returned to the couch, I took a small beef-flavored dog treat, hoping the gift might cheer up the dog.

I placed the treat on the pillow next to him before sitting by his side. I took a sip and joined him, staring at the world beyond my residential prison. It was strange how it made me happy to watch other people pass. Something about seeing people live their lives felt comforting. It was nice to know people weren’t in my shoes; it was nice to know that perhaps I would join them someday.

“It’s a nice day, right? Feels kind of like a waste to sit here when the sun’s still shining.” Even as I said that my body betrayed me. The last thing I wanted to do was go outside. I just couldn’t convince myself I wanted to deal with that. But it wasn’t for me, was it? “We could take a walk. Just around the block. Maybe about ten minutes or so, nothing major.” My words were more directed at myself than the dog as if I was trying to win others into my own feelings.

I slumped my head against the edge of the couch, taking a long sip from my tea. Of course, I couldn’t help him. If I could help him, I probably would have been able to help myself a long time ago. My motivation was ruined after that thought crossed my mind. What good was I going to do? He needed someone more kind and loving. Not me.

When I finished the tea, I went to set down the cup, only to see the fluffy face of the dog staring at me. It was the first time that he had actually paid direct attention to me. My motivation trickled back as I put on a fake smile once more.

“I don’t know what to say and it feels like we are just two strangers at this point, but I’ll be here for you, ok?”

He didn’t shift his gaze from me, only moving to rest a paw on my leg. I placed my hand on the paw, hoping that action alone might offer some comfort to him. It felt nice to be seated like this, like we had a moment of understanding, at least for the time being.

“Even if we are just strangers, maybe we can just be lonely together?” Maybe that was the best the two of us could ask for. Bonds don’t develop overnight and at the very least, two lonely strangers were better than one.

“Anyway, a quick walk, then we can lounge around. Five minutes!” I pushed myself from the couch and brought over his lead. “Well, let’s go get some sun.”

*****

THE END.