Dark(?) Side

[WP] "I am everything you hate. I am pride, wrath, lust, greed, gluttony, sloth and envy. I am the manifestation of the things you demonize. Pride is nobility. Wrath is justice. Lust is love. Greed is ambition. Gluttony is happiness. Sloth is wisdom. Envy is desire." Said the Devil to the priest.

*****

That had been the most miserable day of my life and it only got worse at night, when the presence spoke to me.

It took all of my willpower to not run away in fear. Did I imagine it? No. These uncomfortable feelings, the permanent shiver down my spine, they weren't stopping. Everything felt wrong. I took a deep breath and calmly said:

"Hate is a strong word. Do you feel hated?"

The candles flickered at an odd rhythm as a howling wind dominated the ensuing silence.

The devil seemed stunned by my question. He hadn't shown himself to me, only manifesting as a dark fog outside the monastery's window, but I could tell he expected a different reaction.

"Are you dense? Of course I'm hated. You people have gone out of your way to quash everything I stand for. That whole routine you preach of charity, faith and hope, it's all a thinly-veiled way to keep the masses docile. You don't care about empowering others. Weakness is a virtue to you. Strength, on the other hand, is something you loathe, simply because you lack it."

"And you think you are strong?"

"I am the ultimate power! The inescapable truth of God's injustice! My mere existence proves his perfection wrong!"

"I see. You sound very important, then. Why do you appear before a lowly priest like me?"

The devil chuckled. "You called me."

I widened my eyes. "That's not true. I've-"

"Save the explanation for someone who cares. The fact is, I wouldn't be here if something in your heart didn't think I was right. Are you not thinking of breaking your vows?"

I glanced away, ashamed.

"That's what I thought. Be kind to yourself, for once, and speak honestly. Isn't it all one great lie?"

"What? Morality?"

"Yes! It's all about the performance; not the genuine substance. Think about it. The unjust are the most suited to trick others into thinking they are good. They're the ones adept at persuading and lying. They're the ones free to pursue their happiness. The just, however, see no point in convincing others of their virtue. Their meekness prevents them from fighting back, thinking it makes them no different from the unjust, and thus they are exploited by those who see through the veil."

I sighed. That's exactly what happened to me.

Our monastery had been working hard to contribute to our growing community. Unfortunately, all the money we collected wasn't going to where it needed to be.

Instead of buying books for the orphans, the head monk bought a fancy new robe. Instead of repairing the monastery's leaky roof, he acquired barrels of expensive wine to share with his aristocratic friends. And instead of feeding the poor, he gorged on expensive meats and never bothered thinking of the less fortunate.

When the inquisitors arrived, though, the head monk blamed me for everything. I was the one collecting the money, after all. My judgement would happen the next day. All I wanted to do was run away. The only thing stopping me was my vow to the church.

"Your words are tempting," I said, "but you're ignoring the cruelty behind them. Adding to the suffering of the world will never make it better."

The devil started laughing. "Adding? That's how you see it? You think you are subtracting from it?"

"Of course I am. Every good act, no matter how small, makes the world a better place."

"Bullshit."

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You are delusional if you think you aren't being cruel. The fact that you are doing it to yourself doesn't make it any less cruel."

"Doing it to myself?"

"Yes. Self-imposed torture is still torture. What example are you setting for others? Do you think everyone should mutilate their own souls in order to feel saintly? How the fuck is that good world?!?"

I wanted to argue back but the words died in my mouth. They would only be hollow. The devil had a great point. Cruelty wasn't being eradicated; it was being turned inwards. In a world like that, the only people who thrived are those smart enough to love themselves, and spare themselves from torture.

And yet...

"It doesn't feel right," I said, "This isn't the entire truth. The world doesn't run on cruelty."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"And where do you think justice came from? Hope? Kindness? No. Justice emerged from the primal urge for revenge."

"That's ludicrous. Only a mind as warped as yours would think that."

"Really? If a father lost his son, he wouldn't kill the murderer, he would kill the murderer's son. And why is that? Would it bring the son back? Of course not. The father does it because it's the only way he can feel good about what was robbed from him. Unfortunately, you can't run a society that way, and so 'justice' was born, to keep people from killing each other. That's how cruelty was turned inwards. You couldn't do it to others anymore, so you did it to yourselves."

I couldn't believe my ears. It all made so much sense...

But this was the devil. Believing his lies would only lead me to damnation.

"You speak of this as fact, when many people can live good lives without indulging in cruelty. What you describe is a vice. How can you claim yourself as free and powerful when you're only controlled by impulse? That just sounds like another form of slavery."

"I am no slave!"

"And yet you are surrounded by the most despicable souls in creation. The only people drawn to you are those who have no consideration for others. Why would a virtuous person choose the company of demons?"

The devil uttered a low growl. "They're my brethren. I am their king!"

"That sounds really... lonely."

"I don't need your disgusting pity, you lowly bug!"

"Really? You're here talking to me, not them. If this is really the way of the world, then everyone would naturally gravitate towards you. But they don't. Nobody chooses to follow you. They are forced to, and you take them under your wing because you both have no other option."

"Oh, and God doesn't force you to worship him? Think about it. He says you have free will, but threatens you with eternal punishment should you choose to stray. What type of choice is that? I'll tell you! It's the mandate of a selfish Father that doesn't want his creations to surpass him! What type of parent wishes His children to be weaker than Him? A bad one! That's who! And here I am, offering you greatness, and you shun me."

"You aren't offering greatness. You just want to prove your Father wrong, or see me fail. Either one is victory for you. Sure, the world can be cruel, but there is beauty in it as well. Saying this world is rotten to the core, and that we should just double-down on evil, is just a delusional as what you oppose."

"Beauty, huh? That's your answer?"

"I... I don't know, but abandoning hope isn't the answer either. There has to be a better way."

"Then let's make a deal. I will lend you my strength and help you elude the church's persecution, but in return you must prove me wrong by seeking a better way. And if you fail... you shall be my servant for eternity."

I took a minute to think it through. This was a literal deal with the devil. Did I have a choice, though? The church would only use me as a scapegoat for the head monk's sins. If I took this deal, if I survived and lived a virtuous life where I could be both strong and kind, then it couldn't really be the wrong path. The alternative was promoting self-imposed torture, something I didn't want to do anymore. More than that, I had a feeling that the devil was looking for something better as well. The loneliness wasn't an act. We were both in this together.

"Very well, devil." I offered my hand. "I won't just save myself, I'll save you as well."

*****

THE END