Dance Feverish

[WP] This was the most depressing thing the villain has ever seen. It’s one thing to be invited to their archenemy’s birthday party. It was another to be the only one who showed up.

*****

I kicked open the front door, wielding a dance fever gun and a pair of 2022 glasses that were really obstructing my field of vision. “I heard someone was having a party. It would be a real shame if someone made you all catch the dancing bug. Like the great dancing plague of 1518, my weapon will make you all dance to the depths of exhaustion. Just call me the Yeah Yeah Yeahs because you will all be dancing until you’re dead. Mwhahahaha-huh? Where is everyone?”

“Oh, hey. Um, glad you could make it. That speech was impressive. Probably one of your best. I just wish someone was here to hear it.”

I took off my 2022 glasses, wondering if everyone was cowering in the corners of the room, outside of my field of vision, but it was empty. Only a few clumsily hung-up balloons and a rainbow cake with one small piece cut out of it. Did no one show up? Wow, this was just sad. Glancing at my watch, I checked the time, wondering if I was early. Nope, it was 2:30 pm. I was even an hour late.

“Did I get the times wrong? I was pretty sure the party started an hour ago. Maybe I misread the invitation. Or perhaps it was a cunning ploy by my great archenemy to lure me in before the guests arrived?”

I was pleading with him for there to be a reason behind this. Was it a trap? Anything other than the sad reality that was positioned in front of me. He let out a long sigh, looking at his own watch to confirm that it had already been an hour.

“No one showed up. Not a single person. I’ve saved hundreds of people from scum. Oh, no offense.”

“None taken. I’m pretty scummy.”

“How could no one show up? Was I not a good enough hero? I tried my hardest. Do you know how many times I have had to go to the hospital for the injuries people like you have given me? Not once did they send a bouquet or even a card. They just expect it because it’s my job. I’m exhausted.”

I wondered if I could just make my excuses and leave. Sure, it would be awkward, but we weren’t friends or anything. We were just two guys that got together once a week to beat the shit out of each other. I wouldn’t call that friendship. I went to open my mouth, already having a few excuses planned, only to see his sad green eyes looking my way.

“I think I’ve sent you to the hospital about four times. Maybe five if you count minor injuries.” I sat beside him, staring at the cheap decorations. “I’m sure they appreciate you. They might not show it, but people don’t forget being rescued.”

“Right, they don’t forget that, but they forget my birthday.”

“You can’t expect random people to come to your birthday. Look, why don’t we just have some cake and play a game or something? You have a gaming console, right? What do you have? A ZS5? A Circlebox? A Circuit?”

“I don’t feel like it. You can leave if you want. It’s clear you don’t want to be here. I just can’t believe the other heroes didn’t come. I thought we were friends.”

There it was, permission to leave. I rose from the couch, ready to make my way to the door, only to stop. Sure, I was a villain, but I wasn’t that bad of a person. I sat back down, patting Lightforce on the back.

“Yeah, well, my villain friends often backstab me or try to kill me, so you at least keep better company than I do. Last week I was on a date with Silvershot and you know how that ended up? With me dangling over a crocodile pit. Who even gets a crocodile pit? I thought you needed a lizard license or something to own crocodiles. Jokes on her. When I escaped, I put in a complaint to my local council and now they are making her go through the proper avenues to own those crocodiles.”

“Wouldn’t it be a reptile license or a protected species license? Wait, you put in a complaint? Why didn’t you just attack her?”

“She has crocodiles and all I have currently is a gun that makes people dance. I don’t think you can make a crocodile dance. Alligators sure, but crocodiles are just a whole different type of ballgame. I’m not about to get death rolled by a crocodile over my pride.”

“Heh. That’s a funny story. I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I kind of invited you because I thought you would be the only one to show up. I know we aren’t friends, but you are always there for me.”

Lightforce cut a slice of the cake, offering me the piece, which I gladly accepted. It was weird seeing him without the costume, he just looked like a lonely runt. Something I could relate to. Maybe not currently, but most villains start off as lonely runts of the litter types.

“Funny now, wasn’t funny when I was dangling above the crocodiles. It’s fine. I think part of being a villain is getting dragged into things you don’t want to do.” I said, stuffing a piece of cake into my mouth as I did. “Mmmf. Mmmf, mmm, mmm.”

“Sorry, what was that last part?”

“Oh, just for you to keep your head up. Making friends is hard, but you will get there. You’re a kindhearted guy and even if we aren’t on the same team, I still respect you. There’s no one I would rather fight.”

Lightforce looked away, pretending to be very interested in a nearby window. Had I said something I shouldn’t have? I peered over his shoulder, only to notice the tears welling in his eyes. Please don’t cry, please don’t cry. I can’t handle crying people. I don’t know what to do. Thankfully, he sucked up his emotions before standing up.

“That does it. I’m becoming a villain. If no one appreciates me, then I’ll follow in your footsteps.”

“I admire the attitude, but you aren’t a villain. You’re a good person, you care about people. You can’t hurt people.”

“Watch me. I’ll break open buildings and destroy everything inside. I’ll…. I’ll…. Why are you the only one that came?”

Then the bravado dropped as he cried. I sat there, still eating my cake, wondering what I was meant to do in this situation. My parents were both villains, so the most affection I ever got was a pat on the back or a hug from one of their robotic assistants. A hug? I put the cake down, awkwardly stretching my arms forward like I was planning to strangle him. Ok, so do I just grab him or how the hell do I do this? Luckily, I didn’t need to do anything, Lightforce jumped into the embrace, making it easier for me to wrap my arms around him.

“There? There? Don’t cry. Crying is not supported by my firmware. Would you like to upgrade to the premium package?” I said, repeating those same lines the robots used to give me.

He just sobbed for what felt like an hour. I was pretty sure he was getting all sniffly on my uniform, too. I would have to make sure he pays to get it cleaned. Still, I didn’t release the hold, waiting until he squirmed his way out.

“Thank you. I just don’t know what to do. Are you sure I can’t be a villain?”

“Not at all. I wouldn’t like you if you were a villain, anyway. It would be competition. If you went over to my side, I wouldn’t get to fight you, either. Anyway, since my afternoon’s now open. Want to play a game together?”

“Sure, I have a Circuit. Want to play Mustachio cars?”

“Yeah, sure. I haven’t played that since I was a kid. My parents didn’t let me play many video games, said it would turn me into a hero.”

We played for a few hours, having a somewhat pleasant time. For a hero, he was decent enough company. Eventually, I said my goodbyes, even offering to visit him next week for another gaming session. Sure, it was awkward visiting a hero, but if I wanted him to stay a hero, I needed to help him through this rough patch. After all, I didn’t want competition or to lose my rival.

*****

THE END