An Eldritch Tale

Look Is there anything harder than rejecting someone? I wondered that as I sat across from the small purple skinned creature. The creature wore a cheap paper printout of my face with three eyeholes cut out. One on his forehead and the other two where my eyes should be. The creature having to account for his third eye. He didn’t look at the strawberry milkshake I bought him; his gaze only focused solely on me.

“Look, Ra-hal was it?” I said, trying to remember the script I had written before this meeting.

“Ra-hal? ME NOW RA-HAL. CREATURE HAS GIFTED ME A NEW NAME. I AM NOW THE MESSENGER OF THE DIVINE.” He cheered.

I wondered who he was talking to, only to hear a few small squeaks by the window. I turned to see ten print outs of my face all pressed against the glass. The creatures having to stand on their tippy toes to reach the window. When I scooted across my booth in fear, they only pressed harder, as if they were trying to merge with the glass.

“No, no. Look, this is all a misunderstanding. I’m not some divine being or monster. I’m just a human that forgot we aren’t meant to interact with the aliens that visit. See, humans haven’t got used to the whole aliens visiting us thing. So, when I saw you shivering in my backyard, I forgot I was meant to leave you alone. The blanket and food I gave you weren’t a gift. I was just being nice. Understand?”

“Understand.” He nodded.

“Ok good. So, can you tell them to stop wearing my face and to leave me-“

“UNDERSTAND THAT THE BEAST HAS CHOSEN US ALL TO FOLLOW. NOT GIFT, BUT SYMBOL OF THE DIVINE’S STRENGTH AND LOVE. WE ARE UNWORTHY.”

A chorus of ‘We are unworthy’ came from the window as I took a long sip of my milkshake, trying to avoid the glares I was getting from the rest of the customers. I could already imagine what they were thinking. Has this idiot not seen the all the advertisements warning humans not to interact with aliens? What a creep.

“I’m not a weirdo into being worshipped or anything. I promise. It’s a misunderstanding.” I said aloud, trying to convince the other patrons of my innocence. That only made matters worse. Some customers pulled out their phones while others complained to servers. Meanwhile, Ra-hal only enjoyed the extra attention.

“Divine is worthy of other divines. Look at how they point and stare.” Ra-hal and the others were in awe of my public resentment. The creature was too in awe to even drink, instead he clumsily tried to get the straw under his printout, failing every time.

“Sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave. We don’t serve people who take advantage of our visitors. Haven’t you read the pamphlets?” A server finally had enough of the shenanigans, getting ready to kick me out.

“Just five more minutes, please. I’m not doing anything bad, it’s just a misunderstanding. I was just trying to help. Look at how cute they are. It was like seeing a bunch of puppies in the rain. What was I supposed to do?”

The server looked over, only to see a printout of my face, unable to see the face of the alien underneath. They gave me a huff, shaking their head, mumbling that I was sick before raising five fingers. Ok, I had five minutes. I needed to speed this up.

“It’s not you, it’s me. It’s like I’m from planet Earth and you’re from…” Ok, not my strongest line, given the circumstances. Ra-hal just patiently waited for me to finish my nonsense as I attempted to string more words together. “Another world? I’m not someone to look up to.”

“We are from planet Troxi.” He smiled. The others in the window only nodded, dragging their print outs up and down the glass as they did, leaving smudges all along it.

“Ok. This isn’t working. Look, us humans are pretty stupid. We aren’t these divine creatures that you should look up to. I’m an idiot, I can barely operate my smart tv. All of you are smarter than I am. You built a ship that could cross the stars. If you can do that, you shouldn't praise me. You’re better than me and you deserve better.”

“Smart tv? Smart.”

“No.”

“Smart.”

Ra-hal pointed to me as they began chanting the word smart, only listening to the words they wanted to hear. As the chanting grew louder, I could see the server approaching once more. I needed to get rid of them. It was now or never.

“Why don’t you go home? You have families, don’t you? I’m sure they miss you. Go home to your families and loved ones. Bring them joy rather than worshipping me.”

Ra-hal stared at me for a moment, the alien deep in thought. The silence lasted a little longer than I was comfortable with. So, to distract myself, I took a sip from my drink, which the alien mimicked with his own before he stood up. By the time the server reached the table, the small alien had jogged outside on his stubby legs, heading to meet with the others.

“Finally. Thought I would never get rid of them.” I paid for the milkshakes and went to get up, only to get another comment from the server.

“People like you make me sick.”

“What? I got rid of them. Isn’t that what everyone wanted? I’m not weird, ok? I’m a normal guy that made a mistake. Everythings fine now.” I said to the server before shuffling outside, making a mental note to never visit that place again.

Outside, I did my best to avoid looking at the aliens. Ignoring them as I got into my car. Thankfully, none of them had climbed into the backseat like last time. In fact, they seemed to ignore me entirely. I had done it; I got rid of them. The drive home was lonely, only having the sound of the radio to accompany the trip. Part of me was missing the little squeaks they made whenever I would turn a corner.

Arriving home, I found all their stuff still in my backyard. To think they started with only a blanket and had somehow made a campsite. As my little group had grown, so had their resources. I had to imagine if I left them any longer, they would have eventually built houses. I rummaged through the empty campsite, finding the odd trinket made of flowers or sticks. Taking one of the more colorful flower trinkets, I wore it as a necklace, saving it as a keepsake.

The afternoon passed as normal with my face, luckily not ending up on the news. I saw a few posts online about my weird milkshake encounter, but thankfully, none of them got that much attention. Misunderstandings like mine weren’t that uncommon and, with some people trying to start alien cults, cases like mine weren’t a priority. At worst, I might get a warning about it or a fine in the mail.

As I relaxed on the couch before an eerily familiar thud greeted me in the backyard. “No. Don’t tell me…” I crept towards my blinds, peeling them open, only to see a van shaped ship sitting in my backyard with at least forty of the small creatures now wandering around, each wearing my printout.

I banged on the window, hoping that might scare them off, but my noises only seemed to grab their attention. They all huddled near the window, again getting on their tippy toes so they could peek in. Ra-hal pushed his way forward, pressing his face against the glass.

“Bought families.” He said, motioning to the crowd of aliens behind him. “We stay near divine now. Give us wisdom?”

“My wisdom is, early bird gets the worm?” I said, hoping that might distract them until I could think of a plan to get rid of them.

They looked among themselves. I could hear them mumbling to each other, sharing their knowledge of Earth, until finally they appeared to decode it. Ra-hal decided he should be the one to explain their collective answer to the group.

“Worm is Earth creature and so is bird. Bird big and worm small so bird eats worm. Worm comes out in morning, so bird does too. So, we come out in morning and eat bird.” He explained while the others nodded at the wisdom on display.

They turned to me, expecting praise, but I had already closed the blinds. It was far too late to do anything about this tonight. Maybe I would just try again tomorrow.

*****

THE END.