A Genie's Response

[WP] While drunk you stumbled on a genie, your first wish was to be the smartest person alive, the genie denied this wish because of a wish from a previous master. Instead you wished to be the most educated person alive then passed out. You wake up later to the new state of the world.

*****

Dear Sally,

I am leaving you this message because I believe there is a very real possibility that you might not have fully comprehended the conditions of your wish yesterday night. I am unfamiliar with your people but I have a sneaking suspicion that levels of blood alcohol as elevated as yours may not have allowed for effective decision-making.

However, seeing as I offered you the opportunity to change your mind 18 times and you were quite vehement in your refusal, I have chosen to proceed with your wish.

To my people, 18, or three times six, is quite a significant number.

I am assuming, of course that I was not mistaken in taking your final outburst of, 'Just quit stalling and give me what I want u cyanosed discount shop fairy ... and none of that monkey's paw bullshit i'll have you know I'm majoring in English Literature so I know alll about that HA! That'll show my parents *hic* saying that's not a real education *hic*.' as a somewhat verbose statement of assent.

As an aside, it would be amiss of me not to point out that a boot, lightly used, is the standard issue vessel of containment for a genie of my status (Grade C3, Class 2, Minor Noble of the Fifth Circle). If anything, my boot is a size 11, which means I've actually outperformed the other 127,300,744 genies in my rank (the average genies get a size 10.5). I'm not saying I'm a pretty big deal but I have also left my signature on this letter because I know you will be wanting it when you come to.

You can tell from this generous gesture that I have not - at all - taken offence at your behaviour, which a casual bystander might have considered highly discourteous and abrasive in the extreme.

When you wake up, you may be mildly surprised to find yourself in a new set of clothes. I did not think it was proper for me to leave you in your previous set of clothes, notwithstanding the excellent ventilation they might have provided you in the region of your torso. Our kind is a fastidious bunch and we would never have permitted one of our own to soil themselves in public. And so I extend the same courtesy to you.

After all, I was in the process of summoning a set of clothes to change into after you had regurgitated what felt like a fairly substantial dinner on me and the cost of summoning an additional set when you then proceeded to lose control of your bowels was negligible. Again, you can tell from this gesture that any unhappiness between us is clearly water under the bridge!

You may have just realised that you have been chained to a desk with a mound of documents. I have estimated that a being of your intellect would have taken approximately three and a half minutes to get to this paragraph and your manacles have been programmed to squeeze gently at about this point as an assertion of their existence.

Your bruises should fade in a week.

Anyway, as you have requested, the documents you see before you are in fact a five dimensional representation of all the bodies of knowledge in your world (it was the only way i could get everything to fit into about 30 pages - I'm sorry I had to go about two dimensions above what your kind could handle but I have provided translations in braille after your eyes melt so no worries there. They're stored in the blue drawer but the colours will only materialise once you lose your vision - sorry, got the desk from the discount shop of trinkets and knickknacks)

As you are aware, I am but a Grade C3, Class 2, Minor Noble of the Fifth Circle type of genie, or in your words, "Low-ranking joke of a magical being". Therefore, I do not have the ability to grant wishes without some effort from my master at this point of my life. But if it's any comfort, the manacles will fall off your ankles once you have fully mastered all of the material and you will be free to return to the point at which we met (both temporally and geographically!)

Given your intellect, this task should not take more than 975,834 years. As an added sweetener, I have given you immortality, or something close to it. You'll age and your body will, of course, break down slowly, but your senses will remain as sharp as ever.

You might feel that you do not deserve my magnanimity at this point but fret not! You can thank me in person when I return for your soul in 975,833 years, as we agreed when you were horizontal.

Lucy Pho

*****

THE END.

Due to the strike in the education sector, I'm on a well deserved break from school activities, which I've always needed since last year, even though the semester just started this January. Things have been stressful and for no just cause either, so I just plan on taking things easy as I should.

It's been long since I had wholesome human interaction. How are you guys?