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The number of families where there is no conflict between brothers and sisters is not small. Many mothers complain that their children fight and fight all the time, and that the older ones cannot see the younger ones. This stanza is no longer confined to naughtiness. The mother was in a dilemma to take care of the children.
Case 1: The age of the eldest child is 6, and that of the youngest is about three and a half. The mother complained that the two were fighting all day. He can't stand it anymore. I asked, what does he usually do to stop them? His confession, in most cases, kills, especially the older ones, because he is older, why doesn't he understand?
Case 2: The older child is about five years old, and the younger one and a half. Her eldest son is becoming very rude. I don't listen to my mother, I don't listen to anyone in the house. Can't see younger brother. I called the child separately and asked, "Do you love your mother more or your father?" The child replies, "No one, no one loves me. My mother gives everything to her brother. Everyone talks to me."
Do you understand where the problem is? This is how most of our South Asian parents have children.
First go to the beginning of the problem. Why do older children feel jealous of younger ones? Well, think about it, your husband married another girl after 3/4 years of marriage. How would you feel? Anger, rage, jealousy? A child has exactly the same feelings. Suddenly he sees that his parents were only his, loved him, they are no longer just his parents. Another has left. Tao might have accepted her mind, but seeing that, the mother always gives time to the new baby. Don't caress him like before. On the contrary, it is rumored that the lime falls from the drink. All the relatives caress the new baby and bring things for him. The elders are like Brahmins then.
Mothers give an excuse too, the mood is irritable with a small child, the adults' excuses are unbearable. They think about it, what is going on in the mind of the child. Mothers shake their mood frustration exhaustion all over the child. You can't control your emotions as an adult, but hopefully a child will control his emotions ??
The way in which the quarrels of the Siblings are usually stopped, or tried in the Bengali family-
# Mother came and slapped the elder. Why are you arguing with your younger brother / sister?
# Give the little one whatever he wants, even if the toy or thing belongs to the big one. He is told, he has to give the little one.
# Repulses both of them.
Also the comparison continues all the time. Relatives at home actually sit with one of them more than the other. Skin color, temperament, usage, nothing can be left out to be compared. Added to this is the clear bias of parents towards one child.
One by one such sparks start to accumulate which (little to us but not in reality) go away at once and turn into fire. But a little caution from parents, a little balance, all this can reduce or eliminate this conflict between their children.
Mom and Dad think, when they grow up, everything will be fine. But that doesn't always happen. The number of boys and girls who grow up with intense hatred towards brothers or sisters is not less. So mothers and fathers, be aware now.
First of all, let's talk about what can't be done with children.
# Cannot be abused in any way during pregnancy with older child and after childbirth. There is no question of killing. If you are in a bad mood, try to control it, meditate, get help from a counselor. But its effect on the child can not be read.
# Adults cannot be ignored at all after having children. You have to understand the reason behind his anger. Except for eating and putting the little one to sleep, he doesn't have much extra time.
# Relatives don't actually bring gifts just for the little ones. Little ones don't understand gifts. If you bring it, it is for two or for adults, or not for anyone.
# Tell everyone not to say anything in front of an adult so that he gets hurt. For example, "Brother is not as evil as you", "The younger one has got a better complexion, the older one is not as black".
# No adult thing or toy can be given to a child without his permission. It can only be given if he agrees to give voluntarily.
# If an adult has a tendency to hurt or hurt a child, he should not be left alone with an adult. If you want to go to the toilet or somewhere else, leave the big one with something or phone or TV for a while and then go.
# Never talk about one child's side. No matter how unsure you are of one's fault, one cannot gossip or beat the other in front of the children.
# Do not compare one of them with the other. For example, "You see how well he ate, and you don't eat!", "Listen to him, and you never listen,". Also one of these cannot be said to be good or smart, or bad, naughty in front of another. Whenever you call someone bad, the other will think, I am good, not as bad as him. And later he will also apply this idea while spending time with his siblings.
# One cannot be given another child's thing just because he wants to or cries. Just as when you grab something you love, it's an adult's thing, just as your child has a favorite. If someone catches it, it feels bad, it hurts. And you don't pay attention to it, just let the other person's crying or stubbornness stop that thing / toy. This injustice can never be done.
# Not all responsibilities belong to older children. He cannot be expected to understand everything. Whenever there is a quarrel, do not try to stop the quarrel by killing him.
# The little one should never be taught that if he is small he will get everything, if he insists or cries everything will be handed over to him.
In most of the families in our country, the youngest child is impossibly stubborn, everyone keeps him in mind, his behavior towards the elder siblings is blown away by saying "the younger ones will do the same". He gets everything before he asks. He is not allowed to do any housework. All sacrifices are the responsibility of the elders.
All this is due to wrong parenting. We should not make the mistake that our parents made.
The child who used to be known as Heart,Liver when a new person suddenly comes and calls him by that name, the elders will naturally be jealous. So be careful to call the little ones in front of him by these names. Even if you call someone a big sweetheart, you will call a little sweetheart like this.
Teach the elders in advance, "The new baby will love you a lot", "Brother / sister will call you", "Play with you." He will try to instill love for the little ones in his mind. Teach the little ones, "Brother / sister loves you so much", "Waits to play with you". Behind the scenes, one person will say good things to the other in his name.
The place of toys or clothes of 2 people will be different. Everyone's name will be written in the drawer or dresser. One cannot take another's things without his permission. For example, if a child has to take an adult's toy, he must first ask, "Can I play with it?" If you don't give permission, that's fine. There is no need to share all the time. Even if someone wants to play with the same toy while playing, you have to ask permission, "Can I play with you?" If the other person doesn't want to give up at that moment, he has to say, "No, let me finish the game first." Both need to be taught, not fought, to talk.
You have to learn to say sorry. Is your little one hitting an adult? Get him out of that place. Explain in a calm voice how bad it is. You don't have to hurt others. Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection. As long as you don't promise, you can't go to play. Even if they break that promise in the future, it will have to be done with him. Then he has to go and apologize to the person who killed him. I have to say sorry, make it compulsory. Then ask them to kiss or caress where they hit. They will be matched.
Trouble between the two? Don't go earlier. See if they can meet themselves. If the fight turns into a fight then go. Listen to them separately / Complaints. Let them talk. When they are finished, ask what they really want. If neither of you knows the solution, you give the solution. If they don't like it, they won't be able to play anymore. Then they will make a treaty.
Give all children separate time. For example, one of your children wants to go for a walk, send him out with his father, another wants to play with you, sit down and play with him. Give everyone a price of choice. Not everyone likes to do one thing, so do kids. You and their dad will take turns giving them separate time, and that should be quality time.
The fights between the twin kids are normal. There is less violence or jealousy. Many people think that it is not possible to keep the twins apart. For them, the twins can be kept separate. When they start fighting, move them to a separate room. Dad will give time to one and mother to another. If they are alone for a while, they will not be boring and feel, and after a while, when they see someone else, they will forget about the fight. Twins are also bored to be together all the time, it is not understood by parents.
Sibling rivalry can never be completely eliminated, but it is necessary to abide by all the rules so as to reduce it, not to go into unhealthy state, not to go to the stage of enmity or fight with one another. Because everyone wants the relationship between siblings to be sweet, not bitter.
The last word: Husbands and wives should not quarrel again while maintaining the relationship with the children. But then all efforts will go to waste.