So, before the overflowing enthusiasm for this date begins to generate anxiety or discomfort, we have put together these expert tips so that you can go through the 24 hours with more hearts of the year without major setbacks.
1. There is nothing wrong with feeling pressure
The psychologist and sexologist César Galicia assures that the first step is to recognize that the pressure exists –– regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not –– and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling it. "That pressure is real, it is something that the vast majority of people do not choose," he points out. Either because you need the perfect date with your partner, because you have not found what to give him, or because it has to be a very romantic day, to the other extreme: you are not with anyone and you do not want to feel alone. "Almost all people are going to feel pressure that day, even those who say they hate Valentine's Day, because they hate it for something, the chip is already inside, no one escapes this system," he added.
READ: 5 harmful effects that loneliness can cause
In that sense, remember that it is a day that is also linked to consumption, to the fact of buying to show our affection. “It is a date that is made to turn love into a product, but even if we know that, the need behind it is the same that all people have: to feel loved, special, that the moments we are living are worth the It is a shame, that they are beautiful, that we are going to remember them, that there are reasons to celebrate ”, he added. So, it's time to live with the pressure to take the next step.
2. Create a plan for Valentine's Day: here is the power of your decision
Galicia remembers that the last word is in your hands: "You can choose to participate or not, that's your decision." Which translates into having a plan that can even change the meaning of celebrating Valentine's Day for you. And this also includes simply not wanting to do anything extraordinary and consider it to be just another day.
If you are single, the expert suggests getting together with your friends, including those who have a partner, and use the day to celebrate your friendship. Given the pandemic, you can do it virtually to keep everyone safe.
"We're going to turn it around, we're going to celebrate something else ... I'm going to celebrate what I want," he explains.
If you prefer to be alone, then you can consider it as a date with yourself: watch a movie, relax, think that it is an ordinary day. There is also the option that this day you dedicate it to do what you like the most or some activity that you have not practiced for a long time.
For those with a partner, sex therapist Sari Cooper told CNN in a previous article that communicating with each other and devising a joint plan can make a difference. “Talk to your partner about what you will like about this day and if you feel that Valentine is important to you,” she explained.
"You can create between the two of you a celebration (or not) that is a collaborative event, making compromises for each other's wishes and devising a realistic plan in which you make sure you both feel heard," she said.
3. Understand what you feel and transform it
The psychologist expert in masturbation Alicia Delicia highlights that much of the value of Valentine's Day –– especially towards women–– “seems to be centered on how successful my sex-affective relationship is or not. You have to know that it is very valid to feel all this part of concern, rejection, loneliness ”. But it is also healthy to look beyond, especially if you have just ended a relationship, are thinking about doing it or have doubts about your partner.
“The closure I think that in general it can be difficult because we have been taught that it is the most painful. When a relationship ends it is seen as a failure. And there comes a lot of pain, thinking what is wrong with me, what the other person did or did not do, ”she says. But, she adds, it should also be understood that a relationship ends when "there is a point of non-compatibility."
This is where it becomes necessary to rescue the most valuable thing in the relationship, pause and say: what did I learn from this relationship. “That pain that can be felt, now on a physical and mental level, how good because it is a reminder that we have the ability to love and that it is a desire. What is necessary is to say where I want to take that love, with whom I want to share it, that it grows, that it feels good ”, adds the psychologist.
READ: Scientifically, the body cannot hide love
Along the same lines, César Galicia ensures that you have to think of heartbreak "like a hangover" (guava or hangover). “A binge doesn't end where you finish drinking. It ends at the last moment you feel the hangover, and you take it for granted when you decide to get super drunk. It's the same with love, ”he explains. According to him he says, a broken heart is an essential part of being in love (which in his analogy would be the borracher
