phase.

There is a part of her that will always feel like this. She questions herself daily if it would get any worse. It begins to feel as though she’s never been more hurt in her life.

She feels damaged but some guy on '90-day single life' says it's experience not damage. How do we measure how she lives every second of her life, feeling like the people who claim they love her, assume literally everything and don't believe the words that fall out of her mouth?

She broke down the day before yesterday and when she did, it took her down memory lane and all her little head could process was how Ian had actually damaged her.

Maybe she got angry again because it is best for her not to live in denial about whatever she feels.

Today…

she stepped into the whatever number of walls her school has to pick up two things she lent out to her roommates who are now graduates. Before she left the house, she dressed up in this fine silk top; snake skin pattern from NEXT brand with a blue jean her closest friend in school has pleaded with her to dump.

She packed the attached twists in her usual style and wore a leather Pam slides from her favorite store; also carried a nice rubber hand bag her cousin gifted her. She has a thing for big bags. And she looked good.

She wore this beautiful pair of earrings her mom bought her. Those earrings hold the dearest part of her heart alongside a lot of other things and people.

She looked good, once again, I tell you. The security guard at the estate gates could testify.

Before she left…

Now, this is where a Michael comes in, in the story:

She looked in the mirror and saw her own beauty shine before her very own eyes and felt the need to pull everything and put on something particularly basic.

It felt sickening to feel that she couldn’t feel like she could tell him wherever she was headed and he would have believed.

She felt he would never see through the words of her mouth or the actions she makes. She hurt terribly to see feel that whatever she did, was never going to be enough for no one.

It hurt to have felt that way. She was going to look basic because she thought this young man with brown eyes and perfect brows will think she wasn’t as transparent as she portrayed herself to be.

Does she attack herself? Or does the past damage fight her every now and then?

At that moment, she swore with the tip of my lips and the whole of her heart that she wish she hadn't met Ian, much more shared a large part of her life with him.

That is because she would never have thought that to be slightly any definition of experience but a damaged mind. Ian did much damage than her mind felt it could heal from.

‘We mess with the mind of others and subject them to living a complete life feeling exactly what we put them through.’

No denial, Ian would still run through her mind many months and years from now but that doesn't mean that when words fall out of his mouth, she'd catch them anymore.

She believes her favorite artist gets her. That's odd but exactly what she feels. She calls her the king of Soundgasm.

Michael loves her and "it's a blessing to love a quality babe like me" she says.

He sees that somewhere inside her, she is struggling, rather, healing and it's incomplete. That's okay but how his bony fingers holds her and caresses her is all shade of safety and strength. She feels love again. And in every fibre her being and it amuses her just as much as it scares her.

Somewhere inside her, there's an emotional ninja. This ninja is quick to defend and quick to fight. This ninja don't want to hear no more of abuses on her fragile soul so he is quick to punch whoever in the gut.

She prays daily that this ninja be there always but calmly fight or she may push people away.

“I think we should stop putting people in danger, damaging their souls and then giving the world some license to call it an experience. Trauma depletes your strength"