It was dark again, and the dark comes everything I was scared of, mom was a nurse and worked night shifts most of the time, so most of the time were the dreaded days of my life. I could hear mom's engine start, I had to tell her before it was too late and I would be consumed by this guilt, by this fear, by him.
I ran immediately and stopped mom from leaving, "what's the problem my daughter?", She asked me. I began to cry, she does not deserve this, she does not deserve any of this, she worked too hard, she has given everything she has to see that this family works out, I could not just destroy it because I could, maybe this was my cross to bear, maybe this was how I would repay her for all that she was doing.
"I'll miss you mom, I told her, and I just wanted to say I love you". Oh, darling, I love you too, she replied, and off she went.
I ran back to my room and began to cry, my nemesis awaits me. I could hear the old familiar sound of my step dad's car engine, my heartbeat skyrocketed. He was back, what do I do. I ran immediately and locked the door of my room, and ran to hide at the side of my bed, hope he forgets that I am alive today.
I could hear his footsteps draw closer and closer and closer. Please pass my room, please pass, I was crying and begging at the same time, Hopeful that today, he would change. But like every other day for the last 5 years, I was wrong, he never changed.
Dad died when I was only 9 years old. Mom was devastated, she had just me with dad. Dad was perfect, he was the ultimate father figure, and when the cold hands of death took him from us, mom's mental health went down the drain, until stepdad came into the picture. The first day I saw him, I knew he was a predator, but I was just 11, what do I know.
And after a year of dating, mom's joy finally came back, and when I was 12 years, they got married. I could see mom become happy again, her smile came her, her will to live came back, and I was grateful to stepdad for bringing back mom's joy, but at what cost? At the cost of mine.
I'm 17 now and I know what to do. As I clung behind my bed hoping and praying he would be too tired to come in, I heard the metallic sounds of his keys plunged into the key lock and I felt as though someone had plunged a dagger into my heart. "Not today again", I began to cry.
He came into my rooms he had that sadistic and sick smile he always had whenever he sees me.
"Come on out now girl, how many time have I told you that you can't hide from me, come out immediately before I find you." I stepped out from behind the bed shaking and pleading with him to let me be today, but as usual, it always falls on deed ears.
"You know what to do girl, do it, so that I won't have to hurt you". Today I turned 17, and I wasn't going to fight him again, I had a plan that was going to end everything today, today was going to be the last day he would ever abuse or molest me.
So I did exactly what he wanted, I undressed and put on his favorite nightgown he always forces me to wear before he Dawns on me like a hungry lion on a Saturday morning. He smiles, "that's my baby girl" and he ran his hands around me. He then carried me mad Bagan to plunged the living daylight out of my skinny body.
While he was at it, I reached out and felt the cold steel hands of the knife I had hide behind my pillows, they felt like the hands of death, someone is going to die today. Immediately I grabbed the blade, I felt so powerful, for the first time in my life I felt real power like it surged through my veins as I squeezed the knife tightly in my hands.
Get off me or I'll plunge this into your heart, the excitement in his face faded immediately he saw the slivery shining blade and he stood up immediately and began to beg.
"Oh, it's not funny now right, to become a prey and have to beg every day for your life!"
"Please drop that knife, no one has to get hurt today, I'll change I promise" he pleaded.
"You'll change? You've abused me since I was 12 and it's a piece of knife that'll make you change? Today, you die" I screamed.
"Please don't, you don't understand, I can't help myself, I was abused and ignored as a child and that's why I can't help it, it's not my fault, I swear", he said.
I felt pity for him, he was once in my shoes, and this situation created the monster he is now. All the cells in my body were screaming got me to stab him, but I couldn't, he is the joy of my mom, and I could not take that from her for the second time, I would break her, but then, the cycle had to stop.
Without thinking, I stretched my hands and plunged the knife into flesh, it felt so good. His eyes opened in shock as he could not believe what I had just done. I could feel the blood dripping and with every drip, I knew it would soon be all over, I would soon be free.
"Why?" He said in shock.
I smiled and said, "the cycle of abuse has to end today", and I fell on my pool of blood. I had stabbed myself in the heart. Don't judge me, one person had to go, and today, it was me. I could see in myself a monster being created and I could not put another innocent boy or girl in such a situation, I had to kill the monster in me before it matures, I didn't want to be him in the future, I could not take that chance, I had so much hate in me that I had to go.
He ran towards me and held me in his arms, call mom and tell her it was an accident, and tell her I love her, he said to me. He ran immediately to the phone and dialed mom's number.
"HONEY, there has been an incident, and your daughter..." And he looked at me, I smiled and him it was ok to lie and long as he promised to be mom's joy as long as he lived.
"I'm giving you a second chance, don't mess it up", I told him.
"There had been an accident and your daughter was stabbed", he said. I could hear mom screaming in the background of the phone, and he brought the phone close to my ears.
I could hear mom's voice but they were too low to comprehend, I had lost a lot of blood and I knew I was going to die any time soon.
"My daughter please don't go yet", mom cried.
And then, I was gone.
