@OldBastard 19 February 2022

Stupid Body Tricks, Part Two Getting old is a weird experience. You experience first hand what it is like to be slowly deteriorating, as your body starts to decay and malfunction. We're trapped in these "meat suits", and as they wear out we can feel our remaining time on this planet slipping away. I've written about stupid body tricks before, ( https://noise.cash/post/17nwgx8p ), and I guess I could write a repeating post about the stupid body trick of the day, but that would soon grow tedious. But today my body played a really mean trick on me, so I suppose this event merits a post of its own. First of all, my cough, though diminished, is still hanging on, my right ear is now plugged with wax, and I felt kinda dizzy and weak when getting up this morning. Normal occurrences for this old body, you could rightly assert. Disregarding my usual aches and pains, I decided to go for a morning walk. I didn't get much walking in yesterday, (I try to walk at least a mile daily), so this morning I was planning on walking about 2 miles. My wife joined me at first, and we had a nice walk up to the main, paved road. We came back to the house, but according to my iPhone had only gone about 1.5 miles, so while my wife went back inside, I continued walking down the dirt "almost road" towards a distant part of the purok. Once I was a considerable distance away from our house, I got the tingling sensation of needing to poop. It wasn't that urgent or anything, so I just ignored it, and continued walking. A few minutes later this sensation had changed, and was now very urgent, as if I had to poop RIGHT NOW! So I turned around and headed back towards home, hoping I could make it there before I had an accident. Spoiler alert: I didn't make it back home in time! ***** Warning - the remainder of this post gets kinda gross! Skip it if you're easily offended. ***** I had only gone about 30 feet or so when I realized I wasn't gonna make it, that for better or worse this poop was coming out NOW! So I walked off into the bushes, and as best I could tried to pull off my pants while squatting down. I was remarkably unsuccessful. The poop shot out into my pants before I could completely pull them off. Yuck, yuck, YUCK!! So now I had the extremely unpleasant task of trying to clean poop out of my pants while squatting in the woods, while random bits of poop, seemingly guided by some malevolent force, managed to get all over my butt and legs. It was a catastrophe! I eventually managed to pull up my soiled pants, and walk back to the house. Before I came inside I screamed for my wife, telling her I had pooped myself while walking. The two of us went over to the outdoor CR, where we also have a hose, and she washed me off as best she could. I slipped into the CR and tried to wash out my pants, while she went inside and got me another pair to wear. To bring this gross, smelly tale to a close, I wasn't completely cleaned off until she bathed me in the indoor CR. My brother-in-law gave me some anti-diarrhea medicine, and since taking it I have only had to run to the CR once. The second pic is actually of some edible "poop", the recipe for which can be found here: https://www.instructables.com/100-Edible-Poop-That-Didnt-Come-From-Your-Dog/ . Amaze your friends the next time you host a dinner party!