I was depressed before I learned to write - My first poem

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3 years ago

I was on the 8th grade, going to grade 9. It was the summer of 2018, I am still new and kinda messy because I felt that something is wrong in my life. I didn't have any close friends, well I have friends but not technically called a close friend.

I feel like I've been taken advantage with my colleagues and classmates. There was never a companion to share about. I admit that I also have trust issues with other people, because my bestfriend betrayed me when I was in 4th grade. More on that later. I have trouble seeking out help...

It was the darkest nights that brought my pen to write. I never knew writing before. I mean, I write just for grades. I never wrote something from the heart, my previous poems are bland, emotionless, nothing, no meaning, it was dead.

When I started to write my first poem, it was filled with sadness. I am having goosebumps while writing this article because I still remember the first lines that I wrote.

Darkness paves above the skies
Here below I'm waiting to rise
I don't know what love feels like
In my life that's as cold as ice

It is about me who finds a companion. Who finds love in every direction. My parents nurtures me with love, but sometimes I don't feel they do.

My eyes saw you yesterday
The whole world has started to play
My heartbeat so high then it spikes
I'm looking for another way

Then I started to talk about a fictional girl. I spun up the poem with pure wonder and love. It makes me feel good. By the way, this is a lyrical poem. It can be sung by me <3

I feel a little bit crazy
'Cause your eyes are very lovely
You really made me inspired
Girl, you are special to me

Here's the Pre-Chorus, which is kinda lively in tune than the second verse.

Writer's love, is not a story
Writer's love, not a fantasy
I want a world only you and me
Together we create our story

The chorus describes it everything, what I desire of that time a love from the other person <3

Imagine we're writing whole night
Under the stars glitter so white
Your are the one who made me inspired
Came to me like a light so bright

So yeah, I imagined this girl as being a writer too. This is the verse 3.

A writer's love, a sad place
I feel alone all these days
No one either cares about me
In this life tied with black lace

Only I can do is write
My love for you is a dynamite
It's impossible that you'll be mine
I don't know how to turn on the lights

The verse 4 and 5 gets it a little bit serious. Because it is truly impossible to have a fictional girl in real life. Only I can do is to write.

Writer's love, impossible to fake
Oh myself, stand up and wake
You see that girl? Will not be yours
Accept the fact, it's for your sake

What if? I got a lucky chance
What if? You and me in romance
I will take care for you forever
I'll never let you go, I promise

The verse 6 and 7, I started to talk about it with myself how impossible it is. But there is still hope, I am filled with what if's.

Writer's love, is not a story
Writer's love, not a fantasy
I love you cause you're a writer too
I'll never let you go I promise.

The last verse, this is the most painful tune. I wrote these lines as the fictional me, or myself chooses to be on the fantasy, but denying it actively.

So here it is, my first poem that I've wrote with emotions. It is refreshing to go back where I started. The first emotional words.

If you want to see the full poem, go to this FB page https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=874099059452275&id=874093676119480

You can also follow me on Wattpad: @SikritPirson

Thank you for reading

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