Struggle in Life /Broken Family.

When I was 6 yrs old my mom was died because of unknown Deases, that time were lived in somewhere in Philippine,

At the young age its so difficult for us to woke up and face everyday, my eldest brother was 7 yrs old and the youngest was 2 yrs old Imagine living in this world w/o mother is useless. My mother is my strenght, My mother is my world, she is my everything its hard for me to accept the fact that shes gone, and now that im already 23 years old iM still miss her,

I want to share my problems, my rant to her, and I want to hear her advice, I need her to guide me in every problem or situation that Im going through, If I can talk to God, I will please God to give my mother back, I want my mother back, We need her.

Its frustrate me when after 1 year after my mother die, my father decided to have another wife, At first I cant accept it because I know from the start we are no longer his priority, As of now they have children, 1 boy and 1 girl, My half sister is special child shes 12 years old and I admit it that shes pretty, I take care of her since she was baby, I face a lot of stuggle when Im her baby sitter, theres a time that she run in the hospital, my father blame me of what happened, I felt guilty, I cried and cried, they accused me and my father was very angry, and I dont know what todo.

My half sister is dehydrated, thats the reason why shes in the hospital, aside of that at the age of 18 I have a lot of bad experience. Since 18 years old until now.I rememberd my happy and complete family before, when my mother still alive, We lived in a simple and happy life, But now it suddenly changed and it really broke my heart knowing that of family would never be the same again, im crying and I cant help it.

I rememberd all the happy days with my mom gives my pain right now. Despite of this im still blessed and thankful because shes still my mother who gave me strenght and shes I admire the most, My mother now is in heaven she is our angel, I know she guiding us, wherever we go, at first it was hard to accept it was very difficult , but now I already accept that I cant do anything, God has taken her.

When my father got married again he changed a lot, and we are no longer his priority. He also scolded us, And one day my father slapped me just because of my step mother she wanted all her orders to be obeyed immediately, that day I left the house because I was in pain.

At the age of 18 years old I became a bread winner with my two siblings, We ran away from my father when he almost chopped my brother and that was also because of my step mother, I felt so scared and disappointed, we went home to my mom's place and that's where I looked for a job even though I couldn't understand their language, I still continued to work just to support their needs, it was so hard when I went through it and to my siblings.

Day and night Im crying because of what happened to us, I worked well for my siblings because they were my inspiration, until I stopped working because I was in pain, and even against my will I went back to my dad's place because I couldn't stand my uncles being accused anymore .They told me that my cousin and I had a relationship and it was so disgusting, they put malice of The closeness of my cousin and I , and I was not comfortable there.

Until I feel like my uncle has other plans for me, I can feel it that he considers me as his girlfriend and that's what I don't want and I dont like. He treating me like special unlike to my other cousin, it seems that she like me as a girl not as a niece.

My grandmother (sister of Grandfather) sent me money for the fare so that I could go home because my uncle didn't seem to be doing the right thing to me, when I went home to my dad, at first it was okay, there was no problem, until it took a while for him to always criticize me and say that im a useless daughter so I looked for a job again and I gave all my salary to him.

I love my dad so much because he's the only one left with us because mother is gone, but every time he tells us that we are useless children and hes hoping that were not born it hurts me emotionally, I can do everything for him but why can't I feel that he loves us, I admit I'm not perfect, but I do everything to make my father happy even though we are no longer his priority.

How many times have I committed suicide due to depression but thanks to God he didn't leave me alone but I regret it already.

I also had a boyfriend and my world revolves around him, he is the one who gave me the hope of the love and care of a father that I cannot feel in my own father but my dad doesn't like him, every time my boyfriend go to our house it should only be 1hour, that's how dad hate him so much and i don't know why.

He broke up with me, I even begged to my ex boyfriend to come back because I cant lose him so we were okay again but 1 year later he really broke up with me, I was hurt ,I rebelled, I only went home once at that time because I had a job, After duty I drank, I also learned to smoke because they said It could lose stress thats why i tried, then they are right it could lose stress,

Cigarette is my Smoking buddy it help me to endure the pain, I just found out that he was able to break up because he had someone else, but I was okay too, I went back home.

I realized that if there was a mother instinct there was also a father instinct, my father just wanted to take me away from My stupid ex boyfriend At least my father had a concern for me.

Again when I comeback he scolded me and I endured it because I know my father cursed me when he had no money, he always do that when he had no money.

My father didn't watch us grow up,he wasn't by our side while we were growing up, when I was 7 years old, we were already far away as siblings, because my grandmothers(mother of my mother )took our youngest brother and she followed my sister imagine when my mother died we were torn apart, and it breaks my heart.

I cant do anything about it and now that we are old enough to live on our own, we have become peaceful, we no longer depend on our father, I can no longer hear criticism I focus on my life now and I only help my father when I have extra money, specially to my special child sister.

Even though my father did not do well and showed us good thing specially to me, I still love him, even though I hated him ,I still come back to him, because I realized no matter how upset I was, he is still my father.

If you feel what I felt, and you experienced what I experienced please Forgive and forget, we lived once, lets enjoy every single day in our lives , Regrets is always at the end, I hope you don't regret the decisions you make in your life.

Remember we have God, He is just looking at us, and he is guiding us So if you feel that no one loves you don't worry God loves us and if you feel that everyone has abandoned you don't worry God is always there he will forsake us. Love your mother and Father No matter what happend, They struggling too when We were A child, Give back the love to them, Make them happy and treat them special, that is the moral lesson Ive learned in my Past.