We can't predict the future but help yourself to choose wisely. We are the one who will suffer on our wrong decisions and of course, we will regret it. Think as much as you can before making a move with the thought of every possiblities that can happen in the future.

Decisions I regret

At the age of 13, that the first time I had an intimate relationship with someone. My first relationship was a "M.U or mutual understanding" kind of relationship. And that's the start of my wrong decisions. My "M.U" was in a relationship, I knooooow! That was wrong but I still did that. I settled for that kind of relationship even there's no assurance. And of course, we got caught. It was big issue on our organization and became the reason for the two to break up. For some, that's the time we should make our relationship official but nope, we didn't!! It's because of my wrong decision again.

"M.U" number 2

While having an "M.U", I met a guy who's tall, dark and handsome, we became friends and yes, we also had "M.U" relationship and he's in a relationship also! myghad self! Take note, my first "M.U" is already single and just waiting for me to make us official. You know what?? They made me choose between the two of them. Can you guess who's that Pokemon? Just kidding. I think you guess it right, I chose the second one. Hays. I don't know what kind of mind I have that time, always choosing the wrong one!

Why are you still reading? You wanna know if we got caught????? Of course, yes! There's no secret can be hidden forever. His girlfriend (that time) told him to hurt me in front of her and he slapped me, that's three slaps, can't forget that. You know what's the most painful thing in that scene?? He's wearing the ring I gave to him and I don't know what on his mind that time. After that he even have the guts to call me out but I didn't look back. And that's the time he started to become a manipulative sad boy.

After that day, he became sweet again, he even went to our house and pay a visit as if nothing happened. And me as a dumb b****, I forgave him. Then one day he discovered that her GF was also cheating on him for a guy who's a seminarian, and they broke up.

We became official after a year, he's my first boyfriend, that's the time we didn't hide to anyone and started to holding hands in the public. And I thought that's the best thing that ever happen to me but nope, it's just a start of all my suffering.

Karma

They said that first years are the sweetest but it's not for us. Those years was really miserable and destructive. He cheated on me a hundred times. I almost thought that I deserve that since I destroyed 2 relationships before. He stop cheating when we're in our 4th year (or maybe not). Our relationship took 5 years. The last year was the best and I never thought that he had a greatest secret within that 5yrs with me. To make the long story short, during that 5yrs, he was courting someone, the girl he really like before I came to his life. It just happened that the time he broke up with his ex, I was the one who's available and the girl he really like was in a relationship that time. In short, I was just a replacement.

I was never proud of that past. I'm always ashamed to tell that story to everyone who's new to my life because I don't want to be judge. Those relationship leave a forever lessons to me. That's the reason why my mental health is not stable and it will never be. The trauma? It's still here and don't know how to escape from it. It's been 3yrs since I freed myself from that kind for relationship, I'm currently happily in love and in a relationship. Don't worry, this time is in a right process. I'll write our story next.

Please, when you love someone, use your brain not only your heart. Never be blinded with love and always know your worth so that you can't make the decisions I made before.

Take care! Thank you for reading. Sorry for the wrong grammars or what. I'm not really good at writings like this.

XOXO