Did you experience the feeling that even though you are happy, with no problems and no pain but in your heart, it is foolish as if something is missing and you are still looking for something that even a long time ago you still couldn't have lost?

This is the story of my life, please bear with me coz I'm not a good storyteller.

It started when I was 28 years old, who would have thought that a 28 years old lady was still afraid of her dad.

I already finished my college degree and had passed the eligibility to work. I meet a guy, he is a brother of my classmate that is why we are familiar with each other, since then we are dating and falling in love with each other like a cliche love story.

My father is a strict person ever since, he is a disciplined type of person. Since then I am afraid when someone courting me at home because he always stops them or yet he just invites them for a drink.

The man I dated and fell in love with is only a driver and did not finish college. Our relationship was secret because I am afraid of my dad, even our neighbors don't have to say anything about it because they are afraid too, and I am confident that he wouldn't know my secret but fate wasn't on my side. I got pregnant and still, I kept it a secret but as the saying goes"no smoke without fire" my dad found out the truth and he almost fired me in our house but mom insisted on my stay.

Weeks passed and I got a job and my baby is five months old my tummy, I am not comfortable with the treatment of my dad (though I deserve it) I revolted and lived near where I worked, good thing my mom is always by my side and she accompanied me there for gossips that there is "tik-tik" who eats a baby. We left my dad at home together with my older brother but my bro is on my side also.

After a week, my dad called us and my boyfriend and he confronted us and he had no choice but to accept because it already happened. We lived in our house and my boyfriend sent and picked me up at work.

It was May in that year's summer season, I discovered that my baby is not moving inside my womb I'm so worried but we are so busy in the workplace and I have no time for a check-up.

What we did, we went to the therapist and she told us that maybe the baby is not in the proper position that is why her heartbeat did not beat fast, but she assured us that the baby is okay.

When we had time, we immediately went to the hospital and the doctor confirmed that the baby was gone.

It was as if heaven and earth covered me with so much pain that time, I thought I would see her after 3 months but my dreams had vanished.

Writing and remembering the past and her, I really can't help but cry, but I'm going to finish it for me to move.

After that examination, the doctor told me to go directly to the hospital because I might be poisoned. We wait for the baby to come out but it seems that she doesn't want to, I too but it's for our both good.

I went to the church and confessed everything to him, he told me to forgive myself for the baby's peace, I prayed and cried my heart out loud. After my confession we went back to the hospital and the doctor gave me a tablet( I don't know what was) I inserted it in my V part after 2 hours I labored a cute little angel, she was a girl as I saw her my tears could not stop flowing from my eyes.

Oh! my baby girl! I missed you so much

Even now that I have 2 boys, I still missed her! (That's another story to share)

Closing thought

Loving memory of my cute little angel, I know you are now in Papa Jesus arms but I'm sorry baby I can still not let you go, maybe I forgave myself but I missed you every single day, I longed for your hug and kiss( how does it feel to be hug by you) please know that mama loves you so much, If I could turn back time or if we have a time machine I choose to fight for you and give you full of my time, I'm so sorry baby. Please protect and guide me and also your 2 siblings, and papa also.

I love you, you are always in my heart😭💔

Ps. We are okay with my dad and he loves my two sons.

Past is past but still, it's hurt.

*Sorry for the errors and typos, thank you for READING*