The greatest power of healing is unleashed through self-forgiveness.
Overtime, we have been taught how to forgive those who have offended us.
In fact, for religious people, forgiveness is a major tenet of their faith.
We have been told how we need to forgive those who trespass against us, in order to earn the forgiveness of God.
You know what I found out? People have made it a norm to forgive those who hurt them. It seems like a ritual that has to be carried out.
The only problem is that nobody talks about self-forgiveness. I mean, we easily let others go but hold grudges against ourselves; sometimes for assumed wrongs we didn't even do to ourselves.
During my counselling sessions, I found out how difficult it is for people to forgive themselves. They just can't get past the fact that they feel they have let themselves down.
The moment I am able to get them to forgive themselves, that's when the healing comes.
If you don't forgive yourself, you can't move forward. You will be stuck. You will keep bemoaning the negative experiences you had.
But why do people not forgive themselves?
They often take away their freedom to make mistakes. As a sane human, you must reserve your right to make mistakes. This is what makes it easy for you to forgive yourself when you make such mistakes.
You are not infallible. You are not above mistakes. It is not beneath you to make wrong decisions.
I understand you made the wrong choice of a spouse, but you can't continue dwelling on that. You need to forgive yourself for making a wrong decision. You won't always make the best decision.
That is why there is an opportunity for you to learn from your mistakes and your evaluated experiences.
Don't feel too big to make mistakes. If you feel too big to make mistakes, you will find it difficult forgiving yourself and then you will get stuck.
To find healing, you need to accept that you are not above mistakes and wrong choices and wrong decisions. You need to understand that you are experiencing life for the first time with no previous life experience.
Forgive yourself the same way you have forgiven other people who hurt you. Forgive yourself for hurting you. Forgive yourself for not knowing all you should have known.
When we talk about the capacity of forgiveness to set you free, self-forgiveness is the most important forgiveness because you are stuck with yourself.
It is more important for you to forgive yourself, than it is for you to forgive other people.
Your self-forgiveness is non negotiable, if you truly want to lead a happy life.